I stayed home from work yesterday and today due to massive cramps. This morning, I was also highly emotionally unstable to start off the day, but I knew the cramps would come for me later, so I came back home after nearly having an emotional breakdown just trying to go to the bank, drop off my suit at the dry cleaners, and fuel my car before work this morning.
I then spent most of the day in fits of rage or tears, when I wasn’t catatonic in front of the computer, just staring off, or sleeping either diagonally fallen on the bed or passed out on the keyboard. I’ll have you know too that I didn’t medicate until after lunchtime today, so the fatigue is mostly from george in general; the cramping, the emotional roller coaster, the bleeding…
Along with popping 3 Tylenol 1′s yesterday (twice), I also smoked two bowls of pot with my neighbor, who gets it from the medical marijuana clinic cuz he’s HIV + and has pain issues.
Honestly, I think most of my ragey stuff is from coming down off of pot. I haven’t done pot in ages, but it’s been known to make me moody before.
At one point I looked up at the IRC window and saw someone talking about ways to try to help me with this condition, and I got all ragey and pissy.
Now, this person was only trying to help. She comes from an honest place in that, I’m sure. But my immediate reaction was rage and venom against this help. I was polite to her though. I screamed and cursed and yelled, but my reply was polite. I’m just tired of having to repeat this to everybody, that’s all.
Basically, it boils down to this:
I’m pretty aware of stuff. Unless you have some new information like my neighbor found about the benefits of Probiotics for me yesterday, I already know about the birth control options, the partial or full hysterectomy options, the Naproxen and NSAID options, the hot baths, the evening primrose oil, the special diets the Experts recommend, the heating pad option, and lots of other things.
I’m just tired of having to go through this routine for the past decade with people and with doctors. I’m TIRED. I’m FRUSTRATED.
Here’s exactly what I want: I want a laproscopy to go in, diagnose me officially, laser off any adhesions while the scope’s in there, which will hopefully leave me pain free for anywhere from a couple months to a couple of years before it grows back, and then I want a pain medication and structured diet plan. No more Naproxen. I need hardcore pain meds. No hysterectomy, no partial hysterectomy, no Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT).
Remember just a moment ago I said, “Unless you have some new information…”, well my friend said this online:
<sherpa> zept: I’m thinking…it may be a good idea to send all your medical records and your personal endo documentation to atlanta. they may consider you an ‘exceptional’ case and be interested in helping you.
So I told sherpa and the other well-meaning person online that I’d photocopy my records and send ‘em in. I also showed an example to the channel of the type of logs I’ve been keeping for the past two years, which I’ll also print out and send to Atlanta.
Inbetween naps and lie-downs from the pain, I went through all of my medical records that I’ve kept, dating back to 1991, and flagged everything pertaining to Gynecological records and pleas to family doctors for pain meds for cramping so I can photocopy it this weekend.
Thank you, sherpa.
Today as I said, I didn’t medicate until after lunch. I took three Tylenol 1 pills for the pain, but instead of making me all floaty and detached, today the caffeine in the Tylenol 1′s (which was 45mg total) affected me badly, and my heart raced, and I nearly had a panic attack. So when the drugs wore off, I tried to just hold out, cuz I had nothing else to help me. I should have taken a hot bath, but I was too depressed to care for myself. I’ve been clotting badly all day, too. Huge clots, hence the massive pain.
After dinner, I took an 800mg Ibuprofen pill and I was still bleeding pretty heavy.
I’ve missed two days of work, and tomorrow is Mandatory Fun Laser Tag. There is NO fucking way I’m going to participate. HELL no. I already told my boyfriend we’re commuting separately so I can bail out.
So that brings us up to now. And now is bedtime.
Breakfast: 1 corn tortilla w/ Mediterranean cheese blend, salsa.
Lunch: mushroom fettuccini w/ shrimp. 1 trader joe’s berry yogurt smoothie.
Dinner: 1 bowl pumpkin squash soup and a glass of rice milk. Then a couple bites of Talapia w/ steamed/olive oiled veggies (broccoli, red bell pepper, mushroom, garlic). Water w/ lemon juice.
Any snacks: over the day, about a dozen Joe-Joe’s Trader Joe’s natural chocolate cookies (no corn syrup, no partially hydrogenated crap)
January 2010: Although I did not state it at the time, I do recall being in worse pain after having smoked the weed. I don’t always record everything I should – sometimes I forget every detail, however major it may seem later on.