Wagon falling.
I fell off the wagon. Stress won out and I went back to eating sugar and drinking pop (high fructose corn syrup carbonated beverage, such as coca-cola) again.
The stressors that led me to crave forbidden foods:
Food allergies popping up after diet elimination experiments. A conflict with a friend. Long resolution process with friend. Getting a job. Preparing to move. Moving. Getting another job. Knowing I’d be fired from one of the jobs lest I quit first. Quitting a job. Adjusting to full time at the other job. No good food choices or advice. No refrigerator at work to house my special diet foods.
I know I’m leaving stuff out. Just can’t think of it at the moment.
So I started craving caffeine, sugar, coffee, cookies, Cheetos™, Chinese food, biscuits and gravy, and other stuff. And I acted on those cravings. And I paid the price with some of it immediately. Some of the other stuff took a few days or weeks to finally pound me in the face.
So as of yesterday, I’ve been near tears all day and all night. Severe depression has set in once more.
Before caving to cravings, I’d been SO excited to realise that my depressions had nearly perished. I attributed the depressions to being part of the allergic reaction my body has to certain foods.
I know sugar is a HUGE factor in my depressions.
But yet, stress won and I caved and I went back to eating the very foods that would cause me to become this unbelievably depressed.
I got home and drank some brandy and ate some Cheetos and sulked. Then I took a nap. Then I vented to my friends. Then I got off my ass and made some brown rice pasta with some pre-made spaghetti sauce in a jar. We’ll see how my body likes that.
I’ve started a document of foods that my body approves of. That will become my pantry, and I will expand upon that. And I will become vigilant again. And I will take up a friend’s offer to get cooking lessons from her. She has allergies much worse than mine. Her allergies and sensitivities include all of mine plus another long list. We jokingly name her diet the beef jerky and baby food diet, for example. But it’s not a very funny joke.
I also need to make the long put off Steph’s Recipes document, so I’m not stuck wondering what to eat for my next meal anymore.
And I need to learn the sacred art of Southern-minded cooking, which means “cooking for an army”. I need to channel Grandma, who had nine kids to cook for every day. I need to freeze up the extra and have a stockpile to choose from for meals to take to work.
So the fact that I’m off my ass and making plans means that I sunk to my lowest point in my depression this evening, and bounced. Yay bounce. Can’t wait til the depressive funk is OVER.
Now, what to do for tomorrow’s lunch. I think I may have to suffer for two more work days (Friday and Saturday), before I have the time and energy to go food shopping again. Oh, and there’s also that pesky little detail of getting PAID.