Woke up today before my man left for work, and got the day started. I needed to go take care of my friend’s cats, then come home, take a shower, and get to the unemployment office for their mandatory debasing “let’s show you how to look for a job” meeting.
I went outside, got into my car, turned the key in the ignition, and …. nothing.
Panic set in. I waited a few seconds, then tried it again. Nothing. No click, no turning over of the engine, nothing.
My man had already left for work, too.
I called my auto insurance roadside assistance number and explained to them the situation. They radioed a tow truck to give me a jump and if necessary a tow to my mechanic.
The week I was fired, I’d told my boyfriend that I had a gut feeling that my car was going to break down. I told him my feeling was that it would happen in the next two weeks, which would place the timing between October 10 – October 24. Thankfully no breakdown occurred, but the front left tire has a steady leak that I have to keep filling until I can get off my ass and take the car in to the tire shop. I’ve had other things on my mind so the tire has not taken priority. My man has told me I should get the car into the shop for a tuneup so it doesn’t break down and fulfill my prophecy, but I said “with what money? I have to wait til my first unemployment check unless you want to do it”.
At that point, he should have done it. We talked for months about him assuming financial responsibility when my job would inevitably fire me. He said repeatedly that he had no problems helping out. Well, he didn’t step up.
When I purchased astrology software a couple of weeks ago, I ran a forecast for myself for October/November. I was not shocked when the car thing came up again:
Transit SATURN conjoined natal Mercury
Nov 12 through Nov 30
Daily transportation may be threatened when your car or other vehicles require repairs or need to be replaced.
And again I told my man about this, and again he told me to take the car in, and again I told him unless he was going to pay for it, I couldn’t because I had no money from the state, yet. And he didn’t step up.
That brings us to this morning, when my car broke down, three days ahead of the forecast but I’d already seen it coming with my gut feeling, just wasn’t positive when. I called my man after calling the tow truck and left an angry message about how he needs to step up and take responsibility and don’t wait for me to ask, from now on, it’s HIS car, HIS groceries, HIS health problems, HIS cat maintenance – it’s all HIS and HE must be responsible.
He called me back and gave the equivalent of a kid in trouble with their Ma and told me he understood.
That being dealt with, I called my friend and asked if he could take me to my unemployment appointment if my car required actual work in the shop instead of just a battery. He said he would.
I called my friend who I’m catsitting for and told her I may not be able to get to her cats and why. She had me call her other friends and let them know. I did that as well.
The tow truck arrived after an hour and gave me a jump. I turned off the car after a minute, and tried to restart it.
The guy gave me another jump and I called my mechanic. He could see the car today. I drove right over and without any waiting time, he installed a new battery on the spot. Yay! I watched how he did it so that I can do this myself next time.
I used to know how to work on cars, having grown up in The Auto Capital Of The World: Detroit.
But when I moved to California and got a fuel-injected car, I didn’t know how to work on the thing, so I just stopped working on it altogether and took it to the shop or to the dealership whenever I had a problem. So I’ve forgotten everything. I’d love to take classes on auto shop to relearn how to care for my own car.
But I digress.
Once I was back in business with the car, I called my friends back and told them everything was alright – called the standby catsitters back and told them I was on my way over to care for the kitties – they didn’t need to go.
And off I went.
And george swooped in, and lo, he did strike me down. I was halfway to my friend’s house when the pain hit so hard I thought I might die. I got disoriented and therefore lost to a place I know how to get to. At that moment, my man called to check on me. I told him my situation, basically to ask him to be my brains for a minute. He told me to go back home, and that he’d take me over to care for the cats later, that the cats would be okay.
The pain was full on, and now I could feel the squid and the bleeding. Ugh.
I got home, checked the mail, staggered into the house, and took a Darvocet.
I FINALLY got my first check from the unemployment office. <sarcasm>It only took about a month!</sarcasm>
I called the unemployment office and to my surprise, I got through on the first call. I pleaded with them to reschedule my appointment because I was very ill. They said NO, and gave me flashbacks of my former employer. They said if I missed the appointment, I’d be
fired cut off – they’d stop payments to me for a week and schedule another phone interview so I could explain myself! Then they’d decide if I could get the week of pay back again! I told them I was fired from my job because of this illness and now they wanted to take my money away???!?!?!
They basically said sorry…yes.
I hung up and cried.
I called my friend back again and asked him again if he could take me to the unemployment office. He said he would, definitely, not a problem at all. I thanked him profusely.
He came and got me and took me to the 12:15pm appointment. I was a wreck by then – disheveled, heating pad on my lap, ashen face, bleary eyes from the medication, clutching my damned forms for the goddamned unemployment office.
I went in and discovered to my benefit that they’d changed policy. No more groups of people in counseling on how to look for a job; now it’s one-on-one, based upon the individual’s current unemployment situation. The lady saw how sick I was and went easy on me. I’d forgotten my Social Security card and so she let me by without it. I’ve already scanned the damned thing anyway and sent it in to the unemployment office, so they have it on record…
She went over the routine on how to use their resources to look for a job, etc etc, and told me that I should also look into state disability to use in conjunction with the unemployment benefits. She said that since I was ‘fired for illness’, I need to mark when I’m too sick for work on my forms. I told her I can still look for work even when sick, I have my laptop in bed. She said yes but I can’t accept a job if one calls on the same day, if I’m sick, and to cover my ass, if the unemployment office finds out, I’d best have the state disability lined up to cover me, otherwise the unemployment office could cut me off for not following the rules.
Ah Christ, people!!!!
So now I look into state disability and see if I’m eligible. I’d looked into this before and my understanding was that I needed to be out nine consecutive days before any benefits would be paid. So I think this lady is full of shit, or doesn’t understand my situation. I’ll have a look again but likely not go with it.
I got out of the appointment before 12:45pm and my friend dropped me off at home. I staggered into the house and the pain and bleeding ramped up again, so I took another darvocet.
This put me out for the rest of the day. As I was letting the medication take me under, I relaxed my body and begged it to let me out. I seriously just wanted to die.
While I was passed out, the ex-girlfriend of my suicidal friend called and woke me up. I thought it was him so I answered…but it was her. I ended up counselling her for what felt like an hour…and in that time my father and another friend also tried to call.
After I hung up with my friend’s ex, I called my other friend back and left a message, and I called my dad back. He’d wanted to know about the oil spill, but when he heard how horrible I sounded, he asked what was wrong. I told him it was my usual downtime, bedridden from my illness. He softened, sounded worried. He asked if there was anything that could be done. I told him unfortunately no – I’d tried surgery and they couldn’t get all the disease out because it was too close to my bladder and the surgeon didn’t want to puncture my bladder.
I know I’ve told my dad all this before. He just forgets. He’s getting older. I emailed him later and asked if he wanted me to send him any details about my disease so he can understand what’s going on.
I passed out again and my man came home from work by around 6:30pm. I forced myself out of bed and we went to take care of my friend’s cats.
Halfway there, I cried out OH NO STOP!
I’d forgotten the damned keys to her house.
At that point, I told my man I didn’t have the energy to finish the rest of the day. I’d had enough. I’m tired. I just want it all to stop. Please.
He caressed my back and shoulder as he drove. I put my head between my legs and just let my body go limp for awhile as he drove back to our house to get the keys.
Why can’t it just all stop?
My man got the keys and we started off again. We got to our friend’s house and I took care of the cats’ food and water and litter. I puttered about slowly. Then we gave the cats some lovin and brushin and they were all happy and content, and we could go.
Got back home safely. Here I am in bed. Sleeping again soon. Tomorrow is another day. George, that bastard, should be gone and my energy should be back. Tomorrow night there’s a club night going on, and several of my friends want to go.
I can do this. I need to get out. I will be well. I can do this.