I Will Not Suffer In Silence

After my daylong drama fest through my journal was relayed yesterday, my surgeon called me back finally. She said, “I got a message here about your fibroids??? You don’t have fibroids.”
I clucked my tongue and told her, “YES, I KNOW. Your staff is hellbent on misrepresenting and berating me.”

I then told her about my day last Tuesday, how I’d sunk to the floor twice in screaming pain and was panicked that I’d hemhorrage to death, not knowing what was going on inside. Her reaction?

“How long were you unconscious for?”

…

I WAS NEVER UNCONSCIOUS was my reply.

I tried again with this woman…. Let’s rehash that damned story ONE MORE TIME here, shall we?

I told her how the pain set in and I’d taken a darvocet, and the pain ramped up so fast that I was crying. Within a half an hour, I took ANOTHER darvocet when the first one did not kick in. I told her Tylenol 3 always kicks in faster. At this point the pain was so bad that I felt like my uterus and all organs in that vicinity were in the process of trying to detach and fall out of me. I told her how heavy the bleeding was. I told her that due to all of this nightmarish pain, I sank to the ground in the bathroom and couldn’t get back up.
Sobbing, I used my left leg to balance and that proved WRONG MOVE, because most of the pain was on the left ovary through the uterus, through the cervix, back to the anus, and forward into the vagina.
I staggered to the bedroom and collapsed again and stayed there to ride the pain out with a heating pad that I’d been clutching the entire time I was sobbing from the pain. I tried not to puke from the pain.

I told her that BECAUSE the pain was SO bad, and it’s not been THIS bad for years, WTF is going on. I asked for an ultrasound to see if I have fibroids.

She said, “You don’t have fibroids. I’m looking at your surgery report (from ten months ago) and there were no fibroids there, nor at your post-op checkup in August. You have really bad Endometriosis. The disease was all over the back of your uterus and on your bladder. Unfortunately, that’s what it is - maybe it’s getting worse again. This is JUST your disease doing its thing. I really wish I could help. I feel so badly for you.”

I asked if since surgery or since August fibroids could have manifested - she said unlikely.

So after we hung up, I did some research and found that fibroids LOVE the birth control pill and thrive and grow like weeds under its influence. I was only on The Pill (Yasmin) post-op for a couple of months, though. Could that have started something, I wonder?

I don’t know, that’s where my surgeon/GYN is supposed to come in, but apparently she’s done with me after surgery based upon her continual brushing off of all my comments, questions and fears since surgery.

*sigh*

For the past 48 hours, I have felt like I do just before george arrives. I have the mild uterine cramping and bloated feeling. Only, he just left on Wednesday, December 5th, after nearly killing me the day before. My period this month was all of THREE AND A QUARTER DAYS long, when usually it’s five.

Today I had a job interview. When I got home, I took out the recyclables and put the empty cans back in their places in the kitchen. I went towards the kitchen sink to wash my hands, pain suddenly seized my entire uterine area down and over through my anus. I grabbed the countertop with my right hand and turned and bent forward, gritting my teeth for roughly 12 seconds til the pain passed.

And my surgeon/GYN tells me this is JUST part of having Endometriosis. My goddamned menstrual cycle is over this month and you’re telling me this is NORMAL for Endo, when the Endo IN ME never acted this way before?

Thankfully the place that I interviewed at wants me to have a current physical exam (because the job is to be a teacher of children). I’m due for a physical through my local physician. I am using this opportunity to get said physical AND a referral to a new GYN - I went straight to the doctor’s office right from the job interview to schedule the appointment.
Then I can get the fecking ultrasound I’m asking for, thankyouverymuch.

The medical establishment in the U.S. is a load of crap.

At least I’m not depressed as all hell today. I’m angry but eh, I guess that’s a better start. To quote Johnny Rotten, “Anger is an energy”, and I’m motivated. Off I go to continue my day.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 11th, 2007 at 11:31 am and is filed under Endometriosis, Rant. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.