waiting for the meds
Woke up suddenly at 7:30am and went to the bathroom.
George had faded throughout yesterday but began gushing again. As soon as I let him out, the pain began strong. There was no time to get the meds in me. I’d let the night go by once again without waking to take more pain medication, and now it’s too late.
So here I sit, waiting for the medication to kick in. It’s been half an hour and george is beating the shit out of me. I’ve got a heating pad on my pelvis and a heating pad on my back.
The reason I didn’t take a new round of medication last night was because the stomach ache had returned. So when the stomach is hurting, one naturally doesn’t want to put anything into it, including pain medication that normally makes the stomach a bit pained or uneasy to begin with.
That’s the catch-22 and now I regret it. I can’t win either way. This makes me have major empathy/sympathy for my uncle, who has stomach cancer. My aunt says he’s in a lot of pain but I have NO idea. Even this pain with this mysterious stomach illness that I and six of my friends got on Christmas Day - even this stomach pain, which makes me empathise with my uncle - I still have NO idea what he’s *really* going through.
Gah. I’m taking another Tylenol 3. I can’t handle this pelvic pain and I’m willing to brave further stomach irritation because it can’t be as bad as my pelvic pain.
…the pain is low in the pelvis and makes me forget to breathe. It burns. The pain is strong in the lower back and makes me want to arch my back to stretch, but doing so makes the tightness in the pelvic region hurt even worse, because the muscles in front are so unwilling to stretch. So I lay on top of a heated rice pad to let it dig into my lower back. I push the ball of my foot into a nearby piece of furniture to attempt pressure point relief. An endometriosis book I have says to sit upright and bring the left ankle up across the right leg and hold the ankle or the ball of the foot. But that position KILLS me. I need my man to be awake to help me - to massage me - to hold the pressure point on my foot. But he’s been sick with the stomach virus, too. He’s still sleeping. I may wake him in a minute anyway, but only if the second Tylenol 3 doesn’t kick in soon.
… I return to this journal entry. As soon as I think it’s too much to bear, the wave of pain suddenly shrinks back, and I feel the jaw pain from gritting my teeth more than the pelvic pain. I stick my tongue between my teeth to release the jaw clench (something I taught myself to do after the car accident when I had TMJ so I wouldn’t have to wear the jaw splint for the rest of my life). Now I ‘m sitting erect on the couch, cross-legged, facing long-ways with my back to the arm of the couch as it were. I have the rice heating pad balled up on my lower back, and the electric heating pad on my upper back. Tongue still stuck between my teeth, eyes hurting from the worried position they’ve been in since 7:30am but I can’t seem to relax my face.
The pain comes again.
I opened my mouth, I’m breathing, doing the breathing exercises.
There’s a scrub jay outside, just started calling. It’s 8:19am now.
I take you with me through this. Someone has GOT to go through this with me.
I don’t mean to be cruel to humanity, but I so desperately want one of those devices in the movie Strange Days - the headgear like virtual reality that allows someone to see and feel what is going on with someone else.
I wrote this bit about the device just now on IRC and my friend just made me cry with her reply:
<julie> I know it’s not much consulation, Steph, but I believe you. Every word. Every time.
I thanked her.
I’m thankful for the time difference - it’s 11:24am where she is. Someone is awake to talk to me in real time. The bitch part of this is that any emotion I experience - crying, fear, excitement - it sets off a wave of hormones in the body - it’s a natural thing of course - but the hormones are rich in the uterus and pelvic region, and this sets off further pain. So the crying just set off a new wave of pain. No, I can’t win.
…I return to the journal entry again. It’s 8:30am - the one hour mark now. I’m feeling dizzy so the medication is kicking in. Why did it take an hour again. Why did I have to go through the pain again - oh yeah.. this time was because of the stomach virus and not wanting to take the meds last night. So my body had a lapse of coverage and the pain snuck in.
Soon I will be able to sleep again, pain free.