I Will Not Suffer In Silence

I’ve not had time to write everything that’s going on with me. There’s so much, and so little time to chronicle because of wedding planning. I swear, I don’t know how working people plan weddings. This is taking up all of the unemployment time I have right now.

So, what else is going on with me is that on Friday I took public transit from start to finish on my own for what is probably the second time ever - I took a bus, then took a train, then joined up with my friend in the city and walked all around and took busses so we could eat and shop and just hang out. It’s been a long time since I saw my friend.

I took the train back to the bus station and the bus back home again, where I met up with my man, and we went to the movies. We saw Iron Man (really awesome btw). At the end as the credits were rolling, I laughed at one point with my man and suddenly felt a SNAP in my left shoulder/neck area.

Before the smile could even leave my face, my shoulder went out. I felt the muscle puffing up and the pain seeping in. I tried to push my shoulders down but the left one kept wanting to rise up with the muscle. I could feel the pain slide down my left arm to my elbow, and my elbow kept feeling like I’d hit the funny bone because of the nerve damage radiating down. I had to remember to breathe and keep my shoulders as relaxed as I could til we got back home, where I could pop a Tylenol 3 and put a heating pad on my shoulder (heating pad works for the pinched nerve - that’s what this is. Icing it makes it all VERY BAD for me).

We had to get up early on Saturday and run all over the damned place for wedding-related stuff. I took Ibuprofen 600 and went into trance-like states several times to try to get control over my body to relax the shoulder and neck. I don’t think I left the house on Sunday - I nursed my shoulder, and yet stressed myself all to hell over wedding planning.

My neck is still out so to speak. But it’s better than it was. There’ll be no weight lifting tomorrow.

Oh and as I type, I’m getting minor uterine cramps. T-minus just under 36 hours til george arrives.

Back on April 14, 2008, I went to the E.R. for extreme pain and bleeding due to the Endometriosis, and I was treated badly and left humiliated.

I wrote a big ‘ol complaint letter and sent it to the hospital within a week of the incident. The person I complained to called back and left a message within a couple of days, and said that while she’d be out of the office until mid-May, she’d have her minions look into this.

I finally heard back today.

Of course, they defend their doctor completely. The doctor who talked to me today even went so far as to say the doctor who treated me is the sweetest doctor evar, and that she’d never hurt anyone. I of course disputed this. He told me she said she’d never forced the pelvic exam, and she’d never stimulated me to loosen me up.
I told him she’s completely full of shit.

There is some good that came out of all of this, however. The doctor told me the name of the woman who saw me that night, and he told me he’ll call my GYN to work out a care plan, so the next time I have such severe pain, I can go to E.R. and get an immediate injection of pain meds and not go through the humiliating experience I went through again.

So I sent a letter to my old GYN, whose office had lectured me back in December to go to E.R. next time I had such horrifying pain. Here is what I wrote:

Enclosed you will find a copy of a bad experience that happened to me upon my visit to Alameda Hospital E.R. on April 14, 2008. I had gone to the hospital for relief of excruciating pain and blood loss associated with stage III Endometriosis.

I had gone to the hospital upon your and your staff’s insistence, after suffering a similar episode of sudden pain and bleeding in recent months.

I want this on record in my file because as of today, [name omitted] from Alameda hospital said he is going to set up a care plan for me, should I need to go to E.R. again. He may need to contact you. More likely though, he will be in touch with the new GYN I’ve started seeing closer to home, at [medical establishment omitted]. But I still want the incident with Alameda Hospital in my file with you, since it was your office who told me to go to E.R.

I feel that the humiliation I suffered at Alameda Hospital E.R. illustrates the problems the medical field still has in dealing with people with chronic medical issues. It had to first take a traumatising, humiliating experience to move forward in setting up a care plan, because neither your office, nor my new GYN’s office, chose to set up a care plan with a hospital local to me IN ADVANCE, when both offices know about the severity of my condition.

Please be proactive next time - if your patient has severe pain and you are privy to this fact, then take the following steps:
• Before you tell your patient to go to E.R. in the event of severe pain, instruct your patient on how to set up a care plan.
• Be sure to interact with your patient’s local hospital to set a care plan in motion BEFORE your patient needs to go to E.R..
That way, the hospital knows who the patient is and treats the patient accordingly, instead of acting from a triage/panic/unknown stance and thereby making things worse.

In my case, my care plan will be that I need an immediate injectable form of pain relief if I enter E.R.. All that can be done for me is to make me comfortable and halt the pain. No pelvic exams, no long waits to figure out what’s going on. I’m on an expedited list for a chronic condition.

Thanks for listening.

George is due in two days. We’ll see how it goes. If I can just stay away from forbidden foods, maybe I won’t have these episodes. I wish I knew what I ate that day back in December when I collapsed from the pain. All I wrote the day after the episode was, “…I collapsed from the pain of my condition twice yesterday and that I’m not sure if it’s from acupuncture the previous day, if it’s from the Chinese herbs I’ve been taking, or if I’m just having a really bad cycle.”

You know what this means, Steph.
Yep, it’s another mandatory food diary. This time, add treatment and exercise to the log.

Ugh. I hate doing those diaries.

Last week sometime, my man and I visited several hotels for pricing of rooms for guests.

Friday I:

• Visited a friend I’ve not seen in a long time!
• Bought candles and holders for table centerpieces
• Bought ribbon to add to hair falls (still need to learn how to make ‘em)

Saturday my man and I:

• Met with a caterer and went over menu options (tasting to be scheduled)
• Met with a baker and tasted cake
• Visited two wineries for tasting/pricing of cases
• Visited hotels for pricing of rooms
• Had two members of our wedding party over for game night

Last night, I had two glasses of white wine and a half a glass of port. Of course this means I got drunk. I didn’t get falling down slobbering drunk, but still. I woke up dehydrated and sugar crashing this morning. :(

Note to self: YOU GOTTA STOP THIS.

This morning my man and I:

• Went over all the hotels we’ve looked at to rank them best to worst
• Picked out the hotels that still need pricing on and put it on my to-do list for Monday
• Went over menu options from the caterer we met with on Saturday so we can schedule a tasting

I just sat down to organise some of the hotels we do have pricing on our wedding website, and BAM, I started having a panic attack.

First reaction? Reach for the bottle.

BUT I STOPPED MYSELF.

I know this will make it worse.

Instead, I popped a vitamin C, a vitamin B-100, and a milk thistle supplement, and started chugging water.
I then opened up my sing-a-long playlist on iTunes and began singing songs.
The reason for the sing-a-long is that it forces air in and out of the lungs so I’m not holding my breath and continuing to panic.

But I was so far into the panic mode that now as I sing, I’m so emotionally charged, I am choking back tears. I think the best thing for me is to just allow the meltdown.

I’ll post an update if this happens.

Note to self: you’re also PMSing, as george is due in T-minus 3 days. Along those lines - I started getting slight pelvic pain yesterday.

The following post contains pre-menstrual TMI.

So. Gross and general TMI stuff…

Today is Day 4 of Bleedy Ass. I’ve also been feeling very tired all day for the past few days, and I’ve had fluctuating moderate mid-back pain, also for the past few days. Last night it was a bit painful to be intimate with my man.
Today I started feeling achey in my inner thighs - the type of achey pain that feels like it’s in the fat cells or upper levels of muscle tissue. This is the type of pain associated only with menses because it always radiates down my legs, sometimes to my knees.

I’m six days out from menstruating, but with all these symptoms, I am worried that I’ll be early. I say worried because I don’t want anymore fluctuation in my cycle until after October. Anytime I’m late or early, I potentially affect our wedding date. I do NOT want to be bedridden for our wedding!!!

Ugh. *deep breath*
*exhale*

Not Worrying. That’s me. Yep. Not Worrying.