The wheelchair is a success, not a hindrance
Today was the first time I used the wheelchair since I bought it two months ago. Once I had it ready for usage, my pride got in the way and I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone, so I chanced going out without it. This was back in July for the AIDS Walk. To my glee, I felt better that day and didn’t need it.
Yesterday it came up again - I was too miserable pain-wise to attend an event I wanted to go see, but I had the wheelchair. Two problems with that however; 1) the event was at the beach, and wheelchairs don’t mix with beaches. 2) my man didn’t feel like going to the event for reasons still puzzling to me. As I contemplated getting to the event myself, a migraine crept in. I’ve been getting these a lot since August of this year. I NEVER get migraines or even headaches. Well, not since my car accident back in ‘94. I got horrible migraines for a year from the whiplash and TMJ I suffered in the accident. I wore a professional jaw splint for a year and taught myself in that year how to monitor my jaw and just not clench. After a year, I tossed the jaw splint to the side and never went back to it since.
Now I’m thinking with all the stress I’ve been under, getting looked at and a new jaw splint again might not be a bad idea. But in any case, the migraine ruined what plan I had left for trying to go have fun yesterday.
Today was another event and I vowed once again to try to make it out. My friend C picked me up and was awesome enough to load my wheelchair into his car. We got to the event and doors hadn’t even opened yet, but there was a line around the block! We found parking and I got out of the car. He asked if I wanted the wheelchair and at that moment, I winced. I second-guessed. I grew prideful. I grew embarrassed. Thankfully, C is an awesome friend and told me I had nothing to be afraid of, that it was only about whether or not I felt I could stand and walk, nothing more. I definitely had my doubts about being able to even stand in line, much less walk around for any length of time. Just yesterday, I got agitated with my man over some time-sensitive shopping he’s not done yet, so I ordered him out of the house and we went. Despite the girl do0m and the migraine, I went. And I had to keep sitting. And I barely functioned. And I wanted the wheelchair.
So today, I decided, I’d rather have the wheelchair than be extra miserable. I got the wheelchair so I WILL be able to function and have fun and not worry about collapsing or looking for a place to sit down. I got the wheelchair so that I CAN start going out to events I normally would not be able to go to because there’s nowhere to rest.
So I did it. C got the wheelchair out of his car and I settled into it. And we did have fun. Morbid jokes ensued.
There are two things that I learned today from my first wheelchair experience:
1) The doorguy to the tiki bar was aghast - ‘what happened?!?!’ and I had no idea how to tell him in five words or less what was wrong with me. And I noticed people who I didn’t know would give me a sympathy look. The look of “ohh the poor thing, what’s wrong with her?” And so many people always tell me, “I hope you feel better soon!”
I will feel better soon. I always do. But I get tired of hearing that because right now, I DON’T feel better, and ’soon’ is still too far away from me. Your hope is empty because fact states I WILL feel better, therefore you don’t need to hope and worry. Give it a rest. I WILL and always DO get better.
I need morbid humour, like on the But You Don’t Look Sick website (check out their online store). I’d order stuff from their store, except the ‘Endometriosis sucks!’ clothes are all white or pastels or grey. Ugh. I want black. :p
Anyone got a screenprinter that can whip up a batch of snarky anti-endometriosis slogans for me? I like long sleeve tee shirts, hoodies, and v-neck women’s shirts. I wear a large. I like black. I *might* be persuaded to wear rust colour, navy blue or hunter green. But black is my main fabric colour of choice.
2) The other thing I learned today is that I need one of those wheelchair backpacks to store shit in when I’m shopping or with friends who are shopping. Oh and a cup holder would be rad, too.
There ain’t no stoppin me! If I get cabin fever, I’m OUTTA HERE! I’m zoomin! I’m gone! No more waiting for people to be available and/or feeling too embarrassed to ask for a ride somewhere close, I’ll be able to get out at will! Screw you, girl do0m! You can’t keep me down! AH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!