WTF!!! I thought mittelschmerz was supposed to last UP TO 48 hours! We’re at 96 hours of worsening pain!
It started on Tuesday. The pain was centered low in the uterus. That makes sense since the endo that was left behind at time of surgery is on the bottom of the uterus where it meets the bladder. The pain was mild but annoying, as it usually is during ovulation.
On Wednesday, the mild pain ramped up by afternoon to moderate and very annoying. I devloped low back pain and was very tired. At work, it hurt to pick up the baby. However, I did not take any pain medication. I wanted the pain meds but I kept putting it off, because I wanted to drink wine with my friends later that night.
For pain management, I began doing the pelvic exercises and slow stretching throughout the day.
However, I got so mad at my body for putting me in moderate pain. I got into that “nothing I do will ever stop the pain and the progression of this illness” mentality again.
So when I was with my friends Wednesday night, I drank not one but four glasses of wine.
On Thursday, the moderate pain continued, same as it was on Wednesday. I wanted pain meds but again I kept putting it off, because I get tired of all the pain pills I have to take. I wonder what hurts my body more, 23 years of taking up to 1,200mg ibuprofen a couple times a day when the pain hits, or drinking wine? I mean, come on…
More pelvic exercises and slow stretching throughout the day.
The pain was so bad on the way home that I went into dissociation mode. My face dropped, my eyes stayed straight ahead and were out of focus, and I just … drove.
By bedtime I wanted Tylenol 3 but again I put it off, instead grabbing for my friend’s progressive relaxation tapes he loaned me.
This morning I woke up groggy, even though I went to bed a full hour or more earlier than I’d done all week. I was slow and tired. The cramps ramped up again on the way to work.
Before 8:30am I gave in and took 600mg ibuprofen.
I think the reason I fight so hard against taking meds when I’m not on my cycle is precisely BECAUSE I’m not on my cycle. It’s not time yet dammit! I shouldn’t BE this way!
So I deny myself the meds and push through it with the mentality that this will pass because I’m not on my cycle and besides, the pain is a 3 to 4 on the Mankoski pain scale.
I end up declaring to myself, “This!? This is nothing! When on my cycle, I’m at an 8 or higher!”
But this morning, I couldn’t take it any longer. This has been going on for four days!!! WTF!!!
The pain just makes me want to cry because not only has it been going on for 4 days, it’s that the pain returned just 8 days after my period ended. And the pain is just dull, looming, constant, spread out.
To describe it emotionally, it’s like the feeling a child has when they can’t get their way, and they stew for a moment, then stick out their bottom lip, then melt down. Or to place the emotions as an adult…picture it like this: you’re told after having worked 8 hours without a lunch that mandatory overtime has just gone into effect…again… and you can’t leave for another 2 hours…and this is day 4 of management doing this to you.
To physically describe the pain, it is not in my ovaries, which is what normally happens with mittelschmerz. It’s been low and centered in the bottom of my uterus where it meets the bladder. I have the low dull feel a woman might experience with a bladder infection starting. But this isn’t a bladder infection – it’s just how my endometriosis behaves.
The pain as of yesterday began spreading to my anus. It’s not shooting pain – that happens when I’m on my period.
I guess the closest I can think to describe the pain coupled with emotions again would be a hang nail or paper cut that is ever constant and enough to drive you mad – or the feeling of being constipated and not being able to have a bowel movement for 4 days or more – THAT feeling – and that alone can drive you mad.
Yes yes, I called my GYN and left a message.
It’s been 4 hours. I’m taking 600mg ibuprofen again.
I’m beat down. It’s sunny outside and I could take the baby for a walk in the steep-hilled neighborhood. I may be viewed as a slacker if I don’t take her outside for a bit, which in turn makes me feel guilty and brings up the resentment for things this family has said to me over the months regarding how my illness impacts their careers.
WELL WHAT DO YOU THINK IT DOES FOR MINE?
I was telling the mother about how some friends want me to go into business running a daycare. Her sister in law runs a daycare, so we talked shop for a few minutes. The mother then told me I’d need to make sure to hire someone who could always be there and be reliable.
I was taken aback. I replied with, “yeah I’d definitely need a co-director because of my illness”.
There is a large rant there but I don’t have time for it.
People who suffer what I suffer already know the rant because they live with such insults all the time, too.
I am reliable when my illness doesn’t claim me. I gave full disclosure at the outset, including time off monthly. They decided to hire me anyway.
Dammit, I don’t feel well.
I’m ready to cry on the job.
I don’t feel well.
1pm update: The on-call GYN called back and we discussed all the symptoms at length. She had my history and everything. I am so thankful. She said it’s likely not mittelschmerz but an endo flareup.
She said that if i am not better by Sunday, I am to call the emergency on call doc and go back in for yet another ultrasound to check for more cysts.
She addressed my fears about being flagged for using too much Tylenol 3, and authorised me to take the Tylenol 3 as needed (I can’t on the job though). She said my regular GYN would see the note in my file and would have no prob prescribing more before it’s time again, should I run out.
Instead of absent-mindedly saying ‘have a good weekend’ before hanging up, like the receptionist and everyone else does, this GYN said, “hang in there.” I nearly cried – I’ve been on the verge of tears all day but that almost did me in for sure.