I Will Not Suffer In Silence

I’m due for my 5th cycle since surgery 3 months ago. Why so many cycles, you may ask? I have a 25-day cycle. Sometimes I get my period twice in a 30-day stretch. I call these my ‘blue moon periods’. This month may end up as a blue moon period if it arrives today, cuz it certainly feels like it’s going to be a day early.

Whether it arrives today or tomorrow doesn’t matter - it’ll be crappy either way. Arriving today means I had two periods in the same month. Arriving tomorrow means it happens on April Fool’s Day. HAR HAR.

I’ve been experiencing moderate low back pain and intermittent sharp uterine cramps for the past three days. Starting a week ago, my ass decided to gush bright red. This is nothing new and has not changed despite surgery, and despite the surgeon saying she found no sign of endo on my bowels.

I have eaten like complete shit for the past three weeks, and moreso within the past week, because I have been stressed the hell out. I have subsisted on coffee and chocolate and cheetos. There is going to be a heavy price to pay for that. I woke at 3:30am with cramps so strong that I needed half a Tylenol 3.

We’ll see how this cycle goes…

The last day of george was February 13. There had been nearly no bleeding overnight from the 12th to the 13th, and then the cramps and bleeding ramped up by 9:30am.
I still went out of the house despite the pain, and an acquaintance helped me return the rental car I’d gotten for the weekend seminar. I came home and took a whole Tylenol 3. The pain radiated down the inner side of my thighs almost to my knees. I was nauseous. The pain reached 7.5 on the pain scale.

This of course proved to be the “last gasp” as we call it - the bleeding and pain abated by late afternoon and then I spotted on the 14th and 15th.

The good news of the February menstrual cycle is that I was not bedridden at all!
The bad news of the February menstrual cycle is that had the pain struck me on a week day as opposed to the weekend, I still would have missed two days of work, because the pain was above a 6 on the pain scale and required narcotic medication to treat.

Eight days later, like clockwork, mittelschmerz (mid-cycle pain, a.k.a. ovulation) occurred and lasted for two days. The symptoms consisted of sharp, intermittent stabbing pain in the uterus and left ovary (that damned left ovary!!!), which lasted for hours. On February 22, I took half a Tylenol 3 before bed. On February 23, I took 600mg of Ibuprofen before bed. The pain lessened but was still present (less stabby) on February 24 (today). It’s difficult for me to know if the pain would have been less sharp, because on February 21 and 22, I was intimate with my husband (funny how ovulation and an increase in libido happen at the same time, huh? ;). It could be the dyspareunia OR the mittelschmerz OR both. I’m special that way.

So the bad news is:

• The pain still got to 7.5 on the pain scale, which is unacceptable.
• I continue to have mittelschmerz.
• I continue to have dyspareunia.

Still, I am excited about what promise the March menstrual cycle holds. Each month my body recovers from surgery means hope that the really bad pain has been ameliorated by surgery. Hope is strong. Only at six months post-op am I allowed to throw in the towel with the hope that surgery worked. I am fully aware of the statistics of actual pain relief amongst endometriosis sufferers with surgery, and by that I mean I know full well that our numbers are low. But I am not one to give up so easily.

I am hoping with this next paycheck on February 26th that I can start up the acupuncture and massage treatments again. My masseuse also has endometriosis. She got a hysterectomy and had no relief even after that! She went to massage school and also had massage therapy on herself. What ultimately helped to relieve her pain was PUSH therapy. My masseuse is certified in Swedish massage, acupressure, Shiatsu, sports massage, deep tissue massage, reflexology, Dynamic Reposturing, and PUSH Therapy.

I also need to get back on the bicycle again. I’ve been a weather wuss, which is hilarious because when I lived in Michigan, I bicycled in 48°F weather all the time. The rain is another issue, I have never liked to bicycle in the rain.

Challenges to continue working on: omit alcohol, sugar and chocolate intake entirely.

Friday when I woke up, I debated staying home from work. My whole body was seized up from the pain. I did light, gentle stretches to work out the kinks. I ate breakfast. The pain hovered around 6.5 on the pain scale.

I waited til the absolute last minute, then said ’screw it’, got dressed, took 600mg Ibuprofen, and went to work. While walking from my car, I saw the director, still sitting in her car. She rolled down the window and with a jaw-dropping grin said, “HEY! YOU’RE HERE!!!” I stopped and smiled back. I said, “I’m doin it! I’m gonna do this!” And she gave me the thumbs up.

Friday was the heavy flow day, but I did it, dammit. I worked a full day. It took 1,000mg of ibuprofen to get through the day, and the pain was much worse after lunch again (sitting on the hard floor, rubbing backs for naptime. I need a zafu because the flat chair cushions we have aren’t cutting it for me).

But I did it. I went to work on the first, second and third days of my cycle. This is unheard of pre-surgery. So there HAS been benefit. It is showing.

After work on Friday, my husband took me to get a rental car, because my car is on its last leg and I needed to get to a teacher seminar over the weekend.

On Saturday, I woke up before dawn and prepared for the teacher seminar (second Saturday of every month, until June 2011, during my internship). The bleeding was still heavy, but the cramps were not so bad. To my dismay, I discovered I was already out of Ibuprofen, or at least I thought I was. I just couldn’t find the spare bottles anywhere at that moment (I have since found not one but three spare bottles, LOL). I drove off to pick up a classmate and fellow endo sister, and watched the sun rise from the Bay Bridge. We made it to class on time and got the seats I needed (right by the door in case someone’s fragrance is overpowering for me).

I have to say, Saturday and today have been my worst pain days this cycle, and if it would have fallen on a weekday, I would have missed two days of work just like usual. :(
However, that said, the pain did not get really bad until Day 4 of my cycle.

I consumed four half Tylenol 3s throughout the day, and 1,000mg Ibuprofen as well yesterday, but I made it through the teacher seminar, got my friend safely back home, and I came home and I drove my husband and I to get Indian food for dinner. The pain ramped up again during dinner, and I was antsy to leave and just be in bed. I really did go to bed right after dinner. The bleeding subsided that afternoon, even though I was still experiencing pain. The flow stopped overnight, only to return heavy and painful this morning around 9:30am. I got to about a 7.5 on the pain scale, complete with nausea this morning.

I have consumed a whole Tylenol 3 so far today, and now I’m off to visit my father-in-law in physical rehab while he works on trying to walk again after having his second big toe amputated due to complications of diabetes.

So what I’ve been doing is keeping a running log of tidbits from my day, thinking that later each day, I would expound further and make a good narrative journal entry for you. And then it wouldn’t happen. So the next day, I’d type up some tidbits from that day, hoping to put it in more readable narrative…etc. And what you get instead is me being way behind and playing catch up.

Day 45
Monday, January 31, 2011
Day 5 of my return to work. I don’t recall the order of the day. The big news that day happened when we got home and got a call from my husband’s step-mother, saying his dad was in the hospital again due to complications from Type II Diabetes. His left foot had swelled up, and he had to have his left big toe amputated. Now he has no more big toes. His right toe was amputated back in July, 2005.

My husband endured a long rant from his step-mother, and looked depressed when the call ended. He said, “I seriously wonder if he’ll be able to ever walk again after this.”

That’s not all - father’s wife is screaming divorce because she’s tired of him not taking care of himself. It’s been going on for over 20 years.

Day 46
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Day 6 of my return to work. I wore slacks again, and no, the belly button wasn’t any happier - 46 days after surgery!!!

I was stressed out at work, and had little water intake because I forgot to take my water bottle to work with me, and it was my first day of recording the childrens’ work. Recording entails walking around the classroom with a clipboard and noting what the children are working on, checking their work with a Three Period Lesson, and noting on the clipboard next the activity whether the child has mastered it, needs to redo it, or is just having a sensorial experience with it.
The class usually has 20 children, and at any time, three or four of them are tapping me on the shoulder or arm while I sit with another child, or they’re calling out across the room when they’re not supposed to. Then there’s four to six children playing instead of working at any given time, whom I have to continually resettle. It was a very busy day.

That night, we visited my husband’s father in the hospital.
I experienced sharp ovarian pain on the right side as we walked down the corridor to my father-in-law’s hospital room - this was after climbing stairs - and I had just told my husband that I was fine to climb stairs, since I had been active at work.
It’s a workout to do Head, Shoulders Knees And Toes every day, along with squatting down and getting back up again several times a day to check children’s work…in Montessori, many children work with materials on the floor.

We visited probably for an hour, and my husband’s father seemed not to be too put out that he’d just lost his other big toe. He talked about the trip to Alaska he wants to take this year, and refused to discuss serious matters of his health - you know - reality.

When we got back home from visiting my father-in-law in the hospital, I mentioned online about my crazy mood swings I’ve been having since surgery, and an endo sister suggested I try taking Zomig. I don’t have any Zomig, but it does have the ingredient 5-HT in it. I took a 5-HTP supplement, instead.

Within an hour, my tummy was burning and nauseous, and I had moderate indigestion all the way up the esophagus.

Note to self: 5HTP contains sulfites and B vitamins. You know you can’t take B vitamins because it upsets your tummy.

I took a shower, and discovered that the first scab had fallen out. It looks burnt to a crisp, just like last time. My scabs didn’t fall out til around Day 61 last time.

Right before bed, I experienced sharp pain towards the left side - it was more uterine in nature this time.

So, now I have to go back on what I said in my last post - I had said I did not experience Mittelschmerz, but actually, I think it was just a bit late - Day 10 of the new cycle instead of Day 8.

Yeah. I still get Mittelschmerz. :(

Day 47
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Day 7 of my return to work. It was my second day of recording the students as they worked, and I was still running around all frazzled, trying to keep up. No pain that I can remember - no notes about pain so I must have had a pain-free day!

Day 48
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Day 8 of my return back to work. We had Chinese New Year celebrations and only half an hour of work period, but I recorded what I could for the head teacher. I came home from a good day at work but the moment I got home, I was full of angst the likes I haven’t seen since I was in my early 20s.

I realised that it is because I am sick to death of LOOKING and DRESSING like a preschool teacher five days a week, and coming home every day with songs from The Wiggles or Dora or some such stuck in my head. I also realised I was PMSing.

Day 49
Friday, February 4, 2011
Day 9 of my return back to work. It was my last day shadowing the person who is leaving that room to work in the classroom I was moved from.

That night, I went dancing! I wore a corset! Sadly, no pix. My husband is really bad about that, and well he’s been depressed about his dad being in the hospital. That night, I blew out my right knee while dancing, and had to ice it right there in the club. The staff were FANTASTIC about coming to my aid - they didn’t have to do that but they did. To my fellow endo sisters, I know you understand when I say the blown out knee pain was HILARIOUS compared to what we normally go through. I iced it for a bit and went back dancing!

I must note for posterity that I did drink alcohol that night. Alcohol is known to be a bad actor for endometriosis, so it’s something I need to stop consuming. I struggle with this.

Day 50
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Sharp right knee pain. I got up after only 6 hours or so of sleep and went to have my blood drawn again (still dealing with follow-up to Dec. 28 high eosinophil crap). From there, I went over to a sports shop and bought another knee brace. ACE bandages don’t take care of the pain anymore - I have congenitally misaligned knees, so over the years, the pain has just gotten more annoying. Stretchy knee braces don’t take care of the pain anymore, either. So I bought a cool knee brace with hinges. It worked superb! I wore it all day and my knee felt SO MUCH BETTER by the end of the day!

And then the depressing news - I also experienced sharp pain on my left side - ovarian area - after eating breakfast (frozen mango, frozen banana, goat milk yoghurt, gluten-free vanilla extract, cardamom, cinnamon for a nice smoothie, and two gluten-free waffles with cream cheese).

Meh.

Day 51
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Intimacy with husband the night before resulted in pelvic pain that morning. We’re not doing anything fancy or kinky, mind you, and I’m still getting pain pretty much every time. I was told by my last surgeon that surgery won’t change that - I have dyspareunia and that’s just how it is. I had asked my current surgeon to please fix my retroverted uterus during the December surgery, as I’m convinced that it accounts for the dyspareunia and for some of the pelvic pain during menstruation, but she said there’s no easy fix to a life-long retroverted uterus. She said that the tendons or whatever it is that connects the uterus to the bladder and other organs would become to strained or weakened if she lifted the uterus up and clamped it into proper positioning. She said it would result in even more pain for me. I have to trust her on that, since she’s performed hundreds of surgeries for endometriosis and pelvic conditions. She’s probably seen the gamut.

The day started off great - I woke before the alarm, ate breakfast, showered, and went to my Alexander Technique class. The panic attack wanted to happen the moment I drove off towards the appointment.
WHY.
My hands were shaking. I couldn’t breathe. I felt the flutter in my throat. I took .5mg lorazepam on the way to class, and when I got out of my car, I thought for sure I was going to faint, so I took another .5mg lorazepam.
I got to my class and was the only one for a bit. I was honest with my instructor that I was not emotionally well grounded that day for some reason. Class began, and two more filtered in and joined the conversation - all of us regulars - all people I’m comfortable with. Then halfway through the class, a staff member opens the door and asks if a new patient could be admitted to class. This is where the session went downhill. This woman made the conversation all about her, and was verbally defiant and combative the entire time with the instructor. The other three of us may as well have ceased to exist. I began doing my breathing exerises. I dissociated and put myself into a fixed state, staring down my nose at the floor, just focusing on breathing so I would not have a panic attack and lash out at this horrible beastly woman who kept saying, “I can’t do this. I can’t do that. I want you to teach me how to properly sit so I can play flute and not be in pain. I can’t do what you are asking me to do. I want you to help me.”

Back and forth. UGH.

When the class ended, I bolted.

I got home and locked my keys in my car, I was so frazzled after that class. I mailed two bills by walking to the mailbox on the corner, came home, and my husband gave me a spare key to go get my keys out of my car.

I got back home and started sorting laundry. I left the room to go through my closet to double-check whether more clothes need to be pared down, came back to the living room, and saw my cat actively sniffing around on the laundry piles on the floor. This cat has a bad history of peeing on my stuff since November 2009 so my heart sank. I knelt down and began to go methodically through my clothes. I found four pair of underwear and a work shirt, all damp from my cat having just peed on them. WHY. WHY.

My husband guessed that perhaps we’re not keeping the litter box clean enough again. This was all I could take for the day, and I feel immediately into a black depression. My posture slumped. My face fell. My eyes glazed over. It was 72F outside for an unseasonably warm February weekend, and emotionally, I was not up to it.

After I threw away the underwear and shirt, I bagged up the remaining laundry and took it out back to the laundry room. Then I took some crocheted blankets (two are from a thrift store, and one is from a friend) to the laundrymat because I like the front loader machines better for such delicate washing. I tossed in some scarves and my Dickens Fair skirt I had made in 2009 and had worn again in 2010.

When I returned to the laundrymat to retrieve my items, I found that everything reeked of mothball.

WHY!   WHAT THE HELL!   HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?   Was it one of the thrift blankets? Was it the washer I chose?
I hung up all my items when I got home. Airing out was good enough for most of the items, but a scarf and a thrift store blanket still reeked horribly, so I washed them twice by hand with baking soda, vinegar and oxobrite cleaner.

I had already been deeply depressed over my cat peeing on my stuff again, and then the mothball chemical assault happened. I’ve refused to eat or do homework all day. I did another load of laundry here at the house, but that was it. Even as I sat here typing this out, I was hunched over. My stomach was hurting. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to just go away.

8:19pm update:
I think I got the mothball smell out of everything except for our tartan scarf. :( I’ll keep trying at that before giving up, though.
There are two culprits now - the green crocheted blanket I got from the thrift store, and the purple microfiber blanket I just bought from the neighbor last night. Two different smells at that! The green one is the mothball and the purple one smells like a dog or cat had urinated on it at some point and it was incorrectly washed and dried. This makes a good argument for me never getting thrift store or yard sale blankets ever again.
I’m wondering how sick I’ll become now that I’ve exposed myself to nasty mothball fumes all day. One day I’ll learn to just flee the situation or throw the offending items away instead of trying to save things. ugh.

Day 52
Monday, February 7, 2011
Continued pelvic pain from late Saturday night’s intimacy.
Lots of intestinal gas noises, and pressure on the low back extending to rectum. This is “normal” pre-menstrual activity. Alas.
I awoke around 4am and finally got up to use the bathroom around 4:30am. I took .5mg lorazepam. I was never able to get back to true sleep after that. I hit snooze on the alarm four times, being stubborn about getting out of bed. I was exhausted and I still had a whole day ahead of me.

I got through the day but had to take 600mg Ibuprofen gel-caps by 9am to get through the day, because of low uterine pain. I seriously had to go check to see if I’d started bleeding, the cramps were strong enough. I’d wager about a 4 on the pain scale.

Postscript:
My first surgery was February 1, 2007 and I never did get any pain relief from that surgery. That’s why I had the second surgery on December 17, 2010. Both surgeries were electrocoagulation type Laparoscopy. I wanted excision surgery this time around, but my surgeon told me that the latest research out there shows that both excision and electrocoagulation have benefit. She prefers electrocoagulation but will not hesitate to do excision where necessary. The bulk of what I ended up “needing” was electrocoagulation, according to my 2010 surgery report.

I am hoping that with each month post-op, the pain relief will increase. That’s where I’m at…

Friday, January 21, 2011

I was still spotting. On Thursday night, I had set my alarm to wake after 8 hours sleep, to try to get back into the routine of waking to an alarm.

I woke between 2 and 3 am after a dream that Ms. Wendy, surrounded by her husband and her Ashram folks, had died. Her husband quietly proclaimed, “she has awakened.” The mood in the room was joyful, everyone was proud of Wendy for ascending. I felt this joy, but the moment I woke from the dream, I was filled with sadness. I was immediately aware of the idea of not letting go, of holding on to material things, including people. My husband happened to be up at that moment - he had come back from the bathroom and was climbing back into bed, so I told him about the dream and he held me. I was able to drift back to sleep.

When I woke for the day, I had breakfast, posted a memorial to my departed uncle and wished love to my family, and arranged to meet up with a friend at a local park. I wanted to ride my bicycle, but it’s behind a bunch of stuff in storage unit, so I got the bright idea to roller skate!

It was a 15 minute trek from my home to the park, so I put my skates on and tried it out. I only stopped for a few seconds before continuing on in my clunky, out of practice way. My arms flailed, my legs felt like Frankenstein walking.

About 2/3 the way to the park, I finally fell into my groove and skated more like a hockey player. I was still clunky but getting there. A nice, even asphalt street would have made things perfect for me; alas, the road was patchwork for most of the route to the park.

By the time I arrived at the park, I had used up most of my spoons. :(
I was tired and sore. My friend and her toddler showed up, and we hung out. I ran into two parents from the school I work at and chatted with them for a bit.

After hanging out at the park, I walked home, which took about half an hour. I was too exhausted and sore to put the skates back on.

When I got home, I ate some junk food, went to Costco with my husband for some school supplies, came home and endured a horrible sales transaction between a friend and a mental neighbor. I popped 1mg lorazepam to deal with it, and then my husband and I went off to cheap sushi to make it all better.

I came home, exhausted from all the exercise I’d gotten, and went to bed. However, it didn’t stop my husband from making eyes at me, LOL. Guess I wasn’t so tired after all!

Firsts: intimate with husband for first time since surgery.
Complication: dry. This never happens. Further exploration of this matter needed! ;)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I woke with moderate to heavy bleeding and cramps, but by late morning it died down. Alas my life is not stress-free right now. My male cat Kiki keeps soaking the wall by the front door, for the past few days. We clean it up with “Anti-Icky Poo” but it seems to only encourage him to urinate with more volume. We plugged the Feliway back into the wall for round 3 of pheromone therapy and took Kiki to the vet for another eval.

I had moderate to heavy bleeding and cramps ramp up while running cat-related errands around 1pm, lasting til about 3pm. I took half a Tylenol 3 and 400mg Ibuprofen.

By 5pm we got great news that Kiki’s urinalysis came back already, and he has no further descent into renal failure, no elevated white cell count, no diabetes! So health-wise, he’s totally stable. The peeing is behavioural only, which of course is another fun trip. He’s gonna be 15 in March - he’s an old man. We’ll keep doing what we can.

The pain and bleeding had settled down again until I ate mashed potatoes and creamed spinach for dinner at around 6pm; then I got plugged ears, headache, cramps, bleeding once more. I must be allergic to something in the Trader Joe’s freezer creamed spinach. Since allergic reactions are immune responses, it’s no wonder the endometriosis flared again, since it too is an autoimmune disease. I took half a Tylenol 3 and 400mg Ibuprofen at 7pm.

Day 31 Post-op
Monday, January 17, 2011

First day of george. Dark brown and thick w/ some debris and clots. Took 1/2 Tylenol 3 and 2 Ibuprofen (400mg). Then an hour later I had to take another 1/2 Tylenol 3. I was stoned for much of the day. Had to lay down for much of the day. I wasn’t totally bedridden, but I was super stoned and tired.

The pain is same as it ever was, but now I’m also experiencing a painful pubic incision; it feels like the bleeding is going to come right through the incision. UGH.

I must stay positive & give it a bit more time - see if things even out.

Day 32 Post-op
Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Second day of george. Woke and took 1/2 Tylenol 3 and 400mg Ibuprofen. Then an hour later I took another 1/2 Tylenol 3. Another stoned day. At least my tolerance levels went way back down, and I have more mobility such that I don’t have to take 2 at a time every three hours like I did after surgery.

Again, the pain is the same as it ever was. The heavy bleeding is the same as it ever was. Today the colour went from dark brown to dark red. It’s still thick. I have more clots today.

At 11am state disability called. Apparently the assistant surgeon (Skillern) screwed up my disability forms! He didn’t say how but the guy sighed a lot. Still no pay for the foreseeable future! Thanks, Dr. Skillern! Hate you! This is the same assistant who was always demeaning and rude. I want to set her car on fire.

Today I did nothing all day. I was fully bedridden all day. I am really not okay with this. I’m so impatient to be healed up and for the surgery to have ‘worked’.

When my husband got home from a day of gaming with friends (he’s still unemployed), he ordered Indian dinner for us. I went to the couch and sat down to eat with my husband (I had Saag Paneer). While eating, my male cat backed up against the wall by the door and peed all over the wall!!! It of course totally ruined our night. Adrenaline kicked in and I got up improperly (not watching my body movements to be gentle on myself), I scooped up the cat, we shoved his face in the urine soaked wall, and I put him in the shower and closed the shower doors. I then cleaned up the piss and went all over the house bending over and stooping down and looking for more piss. There wasn’t any more that we could detect.

I swear it was an hour later when the adrenaline wore off, and I got insanely tired.

But I did not want to be tired, so I stood up and walked around the house. This of course kicked up the cramps. OF COURSE. At that point, I took a full Tylenol 3 pill and back to bed.

From bed, I wrote an article for my website, so at least I can say I did something today.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011. One o’clock pm.

I AM SO MAD!!!

I got a copy of my December 28 blood test results to take to my doctor appointment on Wednesday, and right there in bold text, it shows my red blood cell count is low and my eosinophil white blood cell count is through the roof! The eosinophil count was 1,900!!!
‘Normal’ is 15-500! It was flagged as HIGH and everything, in bold text! How could these people miss it?!?!?

I had puked my guts out on December 26th, and I had pain and bloating under the diaphragm, as well as itching all over my trunk from December 26-28th. I was having all sorts of issues and my surgeon’s office kept saying ‘you’re fine’. At my post op on January 5 I was still getting ‘you’re fine’, even though I felt like crap.

Then Monday January 10 I get a call from them saying “uhhhhh can you get a new blood test”?

How can they let THIRTEEN DAYS go by before really studying my blood test results and seeing some kind of major infection going on!

At my January 5 post-op appointment my surgeon’s assistant said “so and so got the results and said it looked fine.” The surgeon asked, “Do you have the paperwork?” The assistant replied “No, it’s at the front desk.” Instead of going to the front desk to get the paperwork, my surgeon asks me, “Do you want to get more blood work done?” I looked at her funny and said, uhhh, no…if you think my blood work was fine…” And my surgeon replied, “Oh! Well okay, you’re fine!”

I am SO MAD! I am kicking myself for not saying GO GET THE DAMNED PAPERWORK YOU LAZY ASSHATS!

ARRRRGGGGHHH!!!

After I settled down from my rage a little bit, I went outside and climbed the stairs to the building I live in. I ascended the stairs SIX TIMES. This is a first. My previous record was three times, five days earlier.

Firsts for today:

• Climbed stairs 6 times.
• I lifted a 19lb box of school work and carried it from the bedroom to the kitchen, spent the afternoon doing homework. Then I carried the box back to the bedroom and lifted and put it atop a 46″ tall dresser. This is the most weight I have lifted since surgery, and it did cause some discomfort, but I wanted to test my limits.

Complications/Complaints:

• Dizzy and weak after stair climbing - despite a full meal an hour beforehand.
• Mild to moderate pelvic and low back pain all day. It got bad enough at times that I wanted to take Tylenol 3, but I’ve become seriously revolted by the stuff since my big scare on December 27.
• Still having diarrhea - this time after dinner. It could be food sensitivity, though; I ate sushi, and some of it had avocado, which has given me diarrhea since 2010 when I became more sensitive to things in the latex family. I had also drank some miso soup, which I have had sensitivity to as well. After dinner, I had cow’s milk ice cream (w/ 2 lactaid pills). So much food - I was plagued by internal gas and too full a feeling all night - it finally simmered down by 11:30pm.
• I’m PMSing. I can seriously feel the uterus thickening. I’ve begun to have major sugar cravings. I found and ate ALL the chocolate in the house. I drank sugary pop twice that day. I am angered at the drop of a pin.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

It was my husband’s 40th birthday, and he had planned to go to breakfast and then wine tasting all day. I had recently gotten news that my car was leaking brake fluid, so the driving was left up to my husband - unless we rented a car for me to drive. Upon checking, none of the car rental places save for the airport were open on a Sunday. I was ready to pursue this angle, but commented that my husband would have to pay for the rental, since I’ve been out of work for almost a month.

His reply was that if it was okay with me, he’d like to take our chances with my car.

I was NOT happy. I protested. I grumbled. I caved in. I remained NOT HAPPY.

I drove him to breakfast, and two friends joined us. I was very delighted to be able to hold down leaded coffee with cream, a scramble consisting of home fries, tomatoes, spinach, green onions and cow’s milk cheese. I also had some sliced bananas to go with the almond-milk vanilla pudding I’d brought with me in the event that I could not eat anything on the menu. Quite a yummy brekkie I had!

The birthday boy surrounded by friends!

The birthday boy with friend and wife!

We sussed out wine tasting route and caravan plans, and off we went. On our way back to the car, my husband stepped in dog poop. To ensure his entire day was not ruined, I took the job of jovial and optimistic and helpful Wife. Sticking his boot in mud encased the poop for the short term, until he could address the issue later. Disaster averted, but ooops, we lost one of our caravan to impatience. We tried to warn her that the first winery was difficult to get to…

As expected, we and our friend who did follow behind us got to the winery with no sign of friend #2.
Good Wife phoned friend #2, who was in an agitated panic over being lost, and calmly guided her to me as I walked perhaps a third of a mile. Once retrieved, I hopped into her car and guided her to the parking lot, allowing her to vent in her red-headed way that I so often do myself (being a red head).
I was even able to convince her, after a few drinks, to join us in my car for further wine tasting. I got my exercise in for sure - getting into and out of my go-kart of a car all day and walking to and from wineries. I was moderately tired all day. The day was beautifully sunny, even though it was still very cold for me. The wind did not help matters. I do not thrive in 50°F weather. I’m comfortable in upper 60s to low 70s. That’s my range.

We didn’t die that day. No brake failure, which of course made me feel SUPER guilty for bailing on my teacher seminar the day before.

Firsts for Day 23:

• I drove my car all day, getting into and out of car repeatedly.
• My face and neck did not rash out with all the red wine and port I was trying, and I had not taken a Benadryl!

Complications:

• I experienced stabbing, searing bladder pain/urgency whenever my bladder was full. This was possibly due to sulfites in the wines I was tasting.
• I was still experiencing loose stool from the previous day’s coconut oil overdose.
• Since I am no longer in continual pain, I forget that there are things I still cannot do without causing pain; jumping, hip-checking car door or the front door to make sure it’s closed.

What I did for pain management was sit down often. I noticed that when standing at a bar, I stand to one side and sort of lean into the bar. Being post-op, this hurt a lot, and yet I could not stop myself from assuming that stance. So I would find a folding chair and sit down away from the bar. This meant I did not get the full range of wine tasting, but I rarely go for the whole range, anyway. I’m very partial to only certain reds.

January Birthday buddies wine tasting as I sit and rest.

After we got back into town and dropped our friend off at her car, we headed home to drop off some goodies my husband had purchased on our wine tasting trip, and then we went out to dinner. We were starving, and to my happy joy, there was something on the menu that I could eat - baked salmon with mashed potatoes and sautéed spinach! It was divine.

Birthday dinner with hubby at Speisekammer

The day ended on a sour note when we arrived home and I went to use the bathroom and stepped in cat pee. I began the usual line of questioning - was it because we had a friend over on Saturday who owns big dogs? Is my cat’s renal condition worsening? Was he mad at us for being gone for long stretches of time over the weekend? Does he have a bladder infection?
Alas. Only thing to do was to clean up the pee and monitor the cat’s behaviour again. Never a happy job. We’d gone weeks before he started up again. It’s always something different it seems.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

I have lost about 7lbs since surgery, because I was on the BRAT diet for an extended time due to continuing digestive tract issues after surgery. I am convinced these lingering issues are because my mesentery received blunt force trauma at time of surgery.

I think that part of my problem with bending forward and the pain kicking back up is because of the loose flesh from the weight drop. I tried wearing a back support belt in hopes of improving mobility, but all it served to do was irritate my abdominal muscles further.

It does not help the fact that I drank alcohol again the night previous, to the point of getting drunk. I did not black out, but this is the third time in a week that I had consumed alcohol. First it was just a few ounces on New Year’s Eve, then it was a glass and a half of wine and two or three drinks at the Tiki bar for a friend’s birthday, and then last night it was three strong vodka and 7-Up drinks at another friend’s birthday party. If the alcohol isn’t bad enough, I broke my “no corn syrup” rule with the 7-Up.

I was supposed to attend a teacher seminar but I was not feeling up for it, and I did not want to drive my car, because I’d just found out a few days earlier that it was leaking brake fluid. I’d taken the car in to get a low tire looked at - turns out there was a nail in the tire…AGAIN. And then they found the leaking brake fluid.

Anyway, I was not feeling up to going to the teacher event. I was really tired (likely due to being hungover), and I was melancholy because it was the death date of my cousin Andy, who died seven years ago in a fiery crash. I spent the day creating a photo memorial for my cousin, and continuing work on the first semester teacher self-evaluation, which apparently consists of 98735087435023948753 questions.

Diet-wise, I put myself back on the BRAT diet, because of the stupid hangover. Ugh.

Saturday night, my friend Elezar came over - he’d just flown in earlier that day for work, and so I told him to come join us for dinner. When my husband got home from an all-day gaming event with his friends, we all walked over to , where more friends greeted us. We gave my husband a very nice pre-birthday dinner party. To my absolute glee, I was able to stuff my face with sushi and not have any ill consequence. HOORAY for room in the gut finally returning! HOORAY for things healing up inside!

After dinner, we walked up the street to our favourite ice cream joint, and I tested the waters with some cow’s milk ice cream and two lactaid pills. Sadly, I still get stomach gurgles and had to pass a lot of gas. I didn’t have much hope that the lactose intolerance would have gone away with the so-called gastrointestinal reboot from surgery. :/

Once we finished our ice cream, we all parted ways, and I wanted to fall into bed after such a long day, but that was sadly not an option for me. See, it was my husband’s birthday weekend, and he had plans to go to see Rocky Horror Picture Show. Everybody else had bailed…and that left just me. So we went.

We stood in the near freezing cold for over a half an hour to get in the theatre. When I say near freezing cold, I mean it - it’s not just me being a whiny Californian. It was roughly 36°F outside, and I had on a knee-length skirt with stripey tights and Converse shoes, which have no proper insulation on the soles. I swear I thought my feet and toes were going to get frostbitten. They really did sting!

When we finally gained admittance to the theatre, it took another half hour before everything got started and all the show virgins were dealt with.
I was cold, uncomfortable, and tired. But I did remember a few lines and I did laugh several times, so it wasn’t all bad.

I cannot even remember what time we got home - I pretty much dove into bed and slept.

Medication-wise, I do not think I took any meds that day.

Exercise for that day - I will say shivering to death for most of the day counted, cuz seriously, I was starving again after the Rocky Horror show. I’d shivered so much that I’d burnt up all the calories!