I Will Not Suffer In Silence

Friday, January 14, 2011

Had a sad dream where I was in a stonemason’s shop, searching for my own headstone.

When I woke, I became alert to the fact that my pelvic pain had worsened overnight. The pain did not feel like post-op pain. It felt like my “usual” menstrual pain. My period was due on Monday, but because I had pelvic surgery 28 days ago, who knows…perhaps my period would be early or late. All the organs being fiddled with and such…

I called my surgeon’s office and my family doctor and asked if anyone had gotten my blood test results back, yet. My family doctor was the first one to call back with the info.
I was told that my red blood count was at 33 (low again) and that my liver count was normal at 42. However, my white cell eosinophil count was still high - it was 1,100!
I asked what I do next, and the doctor replied, “you go see your surgeon!” I asked if there was anything I should be doing in the meantime, should I go to E.R.? Am I contagious? The doctor replied she does not get to make recommendations, that this is on my surgeon. She said to just wash my hands thoroughly in case of contagion. So I called and left another message with the surgeon.

Flustered, I sat straight up on the couch to adjust my sitting position, and I screamed because I was hit with a sharp pain at the site of my pubic incision. It was a deep pain, not a surface pain. Maybe the pain was not in the incision itself but the same area where prior to surgery I would say “the pain was low in the uterus near the bladder”.

You know, I had been truly surprised when, right after surgery, my surgeon told me she had not found any endometriosis on the bladder reflection like my previous surgeon in 2007 had. My new surgeon said she found on evidence of endometriosis on or near the bladder or bowels. So all the pain I have is just radiating, then? It feels like it’s bladder pain but it’s really just a large aftershock of pain that had radiated out from the uterus?

I hate endometriosis so much.

After my screaming episode on Day 28 post-op, I whimpered and emotionally caved in to medication. I had barely been taking any medication at all, and had not taken ANY Tylenol 3, since December 27th when I was terrified I’d killed my liver.
But after the screaming pain, I caved in and took 400mg ibuprofen with a half a Tylenol 3.
Shortly thereafter, I went for walk with my husband because I was too stubborn to lay down and submit to the pain. I figured if I walked, that perhaps I would loosen up adhesions and such.

We walked 2 miles and stopped at grocery along the way!

Half-way through the walk, I had to sit down for about 15-20 minutes before hitting the store because the pain had ramped up in my lower back and my pelvis. It had made it difficult to continue putting one foot in front of the other. We sat at a bench and just hung out in the warm sun for a bit.

My husband

Me, sitting straight up cuz of the pain

A view of San Francisco and the smog...

Closer view of San Francisco in the smog

Alameda beach and Bay Farm peninsula in distance

Alameda beach and Bay Farm peninsula in distance

When I felt ready, we continued our walk and went towards the grocery store. As soon as we got to the store, my surgeon’s office called back. It was Dr. Wang, and she insisted that whatever infection is going on with me is NOT directly related to surgery. She suggested allergies or at worst, a parasite infection. She told me they do not specialise in this area, and that my family doctor has to see me. At that point, my family doctor called on the other line, so I took the call. She’d been briefed already and apologised to me for pushing back to the surgeon. I told her it’s okay, I think the surgeon is the one passing the buck, here. The family doctor said I’ll have to submit stool samples to rule out parasites. HOW THE HELL WOULD I HAVE GOTTEN A PARASITE INFECTION.

UGH.

Family doctor told me to stop in on Monday to pick up the collection tubes. I went back into the store to find my husband and finish our shopping.

When we got home, to my surprise, I had increased mobility! We made and ate dinner, but within two hours, the pain returned. I took another 400mg ibuprofen and another half Tylenol 3.

We spent the evening at a friend’s house playing card games - I could not sit in the provided hard chair because I kept getting sharp pelvic pains whenever I laughed or sat up straight. I was given a plush computer chair to sit in and that helped a bit, though I still had to get up and stand or walk around every half hour or less.

After game night, we came home, and I crawled into bed.

Firsts for today: Walked two miles despite having premenstrual pelvic and low back pain.

Complications: Sharp pains beginning in afternoon and lasting til evening whenever I laughed or sat upright.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Every muscle in my stomach felt pulled that day, probably from all the exercise I had since Monday night. I went dancing Monday, I lifted a 19lb box Tuesday, and did leg lifts Tuesday night.
Because of the pain I was in on Wednesday, I barely took any exercise. My left leg had increasing calf pain all day, too. It felt like I pulled a muscle. I realised after analysing it for hours that my calf muscle was strained because while sitting at the kitchen table doing homework the day before, I had been bouncing my leg the entire time.

I spent most of Wednesday in a bad mood. I was pretty sure it was PMS at that point.

On the good news front, I finally got my patient records in the mail. The bad news is that it did not include the original copy of my disability paperwork. I was very angry. I wrestled with the phone tree for Mt. Zion patient records, was transferred over to UCSF patient records, who said they cannot send originals of anything once it goes into patient file, and they referred me back to the assistant surgeon (Dr. Skillern) who put it in my file instead of giving the disability paperwork back to me in the first place. Oh and I love how she blamed my husband for not getting the paperwork while we were in the hospital:

“I spoke with Dr. Skillern regarding your disability form and she said she filled it out and file it in your hospital chart. Per Dr. Skillern she mentioned this to your husband after the surgery. I thought she filed it in your chart for our clinic. This means that you form is in the hospital medical records department. Either you will request a copy of the form from UCSF medical records department or you can send us another blank form and I will have Dr. Skillern fill it out.” (email correspondence w/ one of the nurses on December 23, 2010).

You know, obviously it’s my husband’s fault, because he did not have enough on his plate already with his wife having gone through surgery with complications, having to be admitted overnight, and he had perhaps 2 hours sleep the night before my surgery due to nerves, and he had to drive home and come back the next day, again on very little sleep, with the urgent notice that my red blood cell count had taken a dive and that I might need blood transfusions or more surgery. CLEARLY it is his fault for not recalling that Dr. Skillern mentioned to him that my disability paperwork was in my patient file and to retrieve it before we left the hospital. OBVIOUSLY Dr. Skillern was far too busy to just set the fracking paperwork on the table next to my hospital bed, and instead had to go the long way around, like she always does.

Had I mentioned how angry I was on Day 27 post-op?

After spending an hour going through phone trees and email with the UCSF nurses, I finally just made copies of the copies so that I had something for my home file. Then my husband drove me to the nearest disability office. To our utter joy and amazement, there was no one else in that office, and someone took my paperwork and said that copies were just fine and everything was in order! I was told that I should be hearing back in a week or so!

Spirits lifted a bit, I did a little bit of homework at the end of the night.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I completely exhausted myself between Friday and Monday, and this was evident because on Tuesday, I slept all day. During my waking moments, I was depressed, because I’d discovered that my cat was still peeing on stuff. On Sunday, he’d peed on the bathroom rug. Sometime between Monday and Tuesday, he peed on my homework on the kitchen table. The last time he did this, I had to tear apart my entire Mathematics album and reassemble it (thank [insert deity here] for page protectors, but my handwritten notes were ruined, because they were the only things not in plastic page protectors).

Upon seeing that my cat had peed on my homework again, I broke down sobbing.
Thankfully, upon closer inspection, he’d only gotten the box of page protectors and the outside of my Language Arts album. I threw away some plastic pages and cleaned up the outside of the album, and cleared off and disinfected the table, all while sobbing. My husband stood near me, arm around my shoulders, the whole time. He had asked if he could help and I let out a muffled ‘no’ and continued cleaning. He knows me well enough to know that he was giving me all the support I needed by just being there with his arm around me.

And then, the old idiom, “when it rains, it pours”. I discovered that my surgeon’s assistant (not Skillern, but Wang, the more polite one) had left a voicemail for me about my December 28 blood work. You know, the blood work results that they didn’t bother to fetch from the front desk at my post op appointment on January 5th. The blood work that I had gotten a call about the day after my blood was drawn, saying everything was fine. That blood work.

I called the surgeon’s office back and played phone tag, and fretted. Finally, Dr. Wang called back again.

Turns out that AFTER my post-op visit on January 5, my surgeon decided to actually go and look at the report herself, rather than rely on the “ummm” and “uhhh” of the assistants and front desk people. Good call on her part - turns out they had missed something: abnormally large white blood cell count (eosinophils).
They had kept telling me everything was normal when I insisted it was not - even at my post-op appointment on January 5. HAH. This did NOT help my emotional state that day.
I quickly made an appointment with my local doctor as instructed by Dr. Wang. I was able to score an appointment for the next day, but less than 24 hours was even too long for me to wait at that point.

That day, I took 1mg Ativan, but still refused to take pain meds, even though my emotional meltdown set off instant cramps and fatigue. I can’t say enough how much stress and anxiety bring on and worsen endometriosis pain. Even though I have relaxation techniques and books and podcasts and MP3s on stress management, I still struggle with becoming master of my emotions.
Here’s a good article from an author I trust.

Complaints for Day 25:
My belly button still hurts.

Firsts for Day 25:
Did 10 slow stomach crunches and 10 sit-ups before bedtime:
Lying on my back, I put my legs in the air, bent at the knee. My hands rested on the sides of my body. I held the pose for as long as I could, and then I slowly extended my legs forward and back again, 10 times.

Sit-ups: I laid on my back with my legs bent, feet flat on the floor. I rested my hands on my thighs and sat up slowly until my hands touched my knees. Note: do not sit all the way up.

Monday, January 10, 2011

4:19am: “WHY am I awake”.

I wondered if it was because I had drank alcohol throughout the day on Sunday. We had gone wine tasting for my husband’s birthday.

“My legs are bouncing and my brain is spinning and my stomach is gurgling and my heart feels like it is pounding, even though my pulse is normal. I need to be “sleeping with prince valium” I think.” - Monday at 5:11am

I took 1mg Ativan and went back to bed at 5:30am and slept til after 11am. I woke groggy, of course.

So it was Monday, the start of another work week, and I was still home recovering from surgery. The week off was approved long ago, but I felt guilty for being out of work anyway, because I had not been in constant pain for over a week at that point.

Simple movements were still painful, and I was still easily fatigued, so I reluctantly adhered to the 6-week recovery recommendation from my surgeon. I didn’t want to irritate my surgical wounds by going back to work too soon, since preschoolers have no concept of restraint when it comes to their physical activity.

I spent Monday finishing the first semester self review for work, and I emailed it off to my director at school.

Monday night, we went out to dinner with my husband’s father and step-mother. It was quaint. I had more alcohol to drink. Why have I been drinking so much alcohol? I have blatantly violated my post-op rules to myself! Why is my will so weak?

After dinner, my husband, still on a birthday high, wanted to go out to our favourite nightclub. What the heck, we’re both off work, right? Why not? I was zombified but my hubby really wanted to go, and he hadn’t arranged for any other buddies to join him. So I went. I thought, “Hey, at least I can practice my stair climbing!”
I took .5mg Ativan before going out, because my nerves and guilt ramped up. Anytime I’ve done something enjoyable during my time off work for surgery recovery, I have felt guilty about it, as though I’m somehow cheating the system or playing hooky on purpose from work. It’s pretty lame that I am capable of so much guilt.

Once we were at the club, my mood elevated. It was good to be among my people again! I was all dressed up and the music and scenery were sweet heaven on my ears and eyes. Because I had been active and out and about all weekend, I decided to take the plunge that night. I danced!

Of course, I overdid it, and before long, I was holding my stomach and breathing rapidly in panicked fashion because of the abdominal cramps that I’d set off. But I refused to take my medication. I’d been too afraid to take Tylenol 3 since December 27th, when I had the “oh crap I’ve killed my liver” scare.

I drank a lot of water that night, and crawled into bed, whimpering, as soon as we got home.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

It was my husband’s 40th birthday, and he had planned to go to breakfast and then wine tasting all day. I had recently gotten news that my car was leaking brake fluid, so the driving was left up to my husband - unless we rented a car for me to drive. Upon checking, none of the car rental places save for the airport were open on a Sunday. I was ready to pursue this angle, but commented that my husband would have to pay for the rental, since I’ve been out of work for almost a month.

His reply was that if it was okay with me, he’d like to take our chances with my car.

I was NOT happy. I protested. I grumbled. I caved in. I remained NOT HAPPY.

I drove him to breakfast, and two friends joined us. I was very delighted to be able to hold down leaded coffee with cream, a scramble consisting of home fries, tomatoes, spinach, green onions and cow’s milk cheese. I also had some sliced bananas to go with the almond-milk vanilla pudding I’d brought with me in the event that I could not eat anything on the menu. Quite a yummy brekkie I had!

The birthday boy surrounded by friends!

The birthday boy with friend and wife!

We sussed out wine tasting route and caravan plans, and off we went. On our way back to the car, my husband stepped in dog poop. To ensure his entire day was not ruined, I took the job of jovial and optimistic and helpful Wife. Sticking his boot in mud encased the poop for the short term, until he could address the issue later. Disaster averted, but ooops, we lost one of our caravan to impatience. We tried to warn her that the first winery was difficult to get to…

As expected, we and our friend who did follow behind us got to the winery with no sign of friend #2.
Good Wife phoned friend #2, who was in an agitated panic over being lost, and calmly guided her to me as I walked perhaps a third of a mile. Once retrieved, I hopped into her car and guided her to the parking lot, allowing her to vent in her red-headed way that I so often do myself (being a red head).
I was even able to convince her, after a few drinks, to join us in my car for further wine tasting. I got my exercise in for sure - getting into and out of my go-kart of a car all day and walking to and from wineries. I was moderately tired all day. The day was beautifully sunny, even though it was still very cold for me. The wind did not help matters. I do not thrive in 50°F weather. I’m comfortable in upper 60s to low 70s. That’s my range.

We didn’t die that day. No brake failure, which of course made me feel SUPER guilty for bailing on my teacher seminar the day before.

Firsts for Day 23:

• I drove my car all day, getting into and out of car repeatedly.
• My face and neck did not rash out with all the red wine and port I was trying, and I had not taken a Benadryl!

Complications:

• I experienced stabbing, searing bladder pain/urgency whenever my bladder was full. This was possibly due to sulfites in the wines I was tasting.
• I was still experiencing loose stool from the previous day’s coconut oil overdose.
• Since I am no longer in continual pain, I forget that there are things I still cannot do without causing pain; jumping, hip-checking car door or the front door to make sure it’s closed.

What I did for pain management was sit down often. I noticed that when standing at a bar, I stand to one side and sort of lean into the bar. Being post-op, this hurt a lot, and yet I could not stop myself from assuming that stance. So I would find a folding chair and sit down away from the bar. This meant I did not get the full range of wine tasting, but I rarely go for the whole range, anyway. I’m very partial to only certain reds.

January Birthday buddies wine tasting as I sit and rest.

After we got back into town and dropped our friend off at her car, we headed home to drop off some goodies my husband had purchased on our wine tasting trip, and then we went out to dinner. We were starving, and to my happy joy, there was something on the menu that I could eat - baked salmon with mashed potatoes and sautéed spinach! It was divine.

Birthday dinner with hubby at Speisekammer

The day ended on a sour note when we arrived home and I went to use the bathroom and stepped in cat pee. I began the usual line of questioning - was it because we had a friend over on Saturday who owns big dogs? Is my cat’s renal condition worsening? Was he mad at us for being gone for long stretches of time over the weekend? Does he have a bladder infection?
Alas. Only thing to do was to clean up the pee and monitor the cat’s behaviour again. Never a happy job. We’d gone weeks before he started up again. It’s always something different it seems.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

I have lost about 7lbs since surgery, because I was on the BRAT diet for an extended time due to continuing digestive tract issues after surgery. I am convinced these lingering issues are because my mesentery received blunt force trauma at time of surgery.

I think that part of my problem with bending forward and the pain kicking back up is because of the loose flesh from the weight drop. I tried wearing a back support belt in hopes of improving mobility, but all it served to do was irritate my abdominal muscles further.

It does not help the fact that I drank alcohol again the night previous, to the point of getting drunk. I did not black out, but this is the third time in a week that I had consumed alcohol. First it was just a few ounces on New Year’s Eve, then it was a glass and a half of wine and two or three drinks at the Tiki bar for a friend’s birthday, and then last night it was three strong vodka and 7-Up drinks at another friend’s birthday party. If the alcohol isn’t bad enough, I broke my “no corn syrup” rule with the 7-Up.

I was supposed to attend a teacher seminar but I was not feeling up for it, and I did not want to drive my car, because I’d just found out a few days earlier that it was leaking brake fluid. I’d taken the car in to get a low tire looked at - turns out there was a nail in the tire…AGAIN. And then they found the leaking brake fluid.

Anyway, I was not feeling up to going to the teacher event. I was really tired (likely due to being hungover), and I was melancholy because it was the death date of my cousin Andy, who died seven years ago in a fiery crash. I spent the day creating a photo memorial for my cousin, and continuing work on the first semester teacher self-evaluation, which apparently consists of 98735087435023948753 questions.

Diet-wise, I put myself back on the BRAT diet, because of the stupid hangover. Ugh.

Saturday night, my friend Elezar came over - he’d just flown in earlier that day for work, and so I told him to come join us for dinner. When my husband got home from an all-day gaming event with his friends, we all walked over to , where more friends greeted us. We gave my husband a very nice pre-birthday dinner party. To my absolute glee, I was able to stuff my face with sushi and not have any ill consequence. HOORAY for room in the gut finally returning! HOORAY for things healing up inside!

After dinner, we walked up the street to our favourite ice cream joint, and I tested the waters with some cow’s milk ice cream and two lactaid pills. Sadly, I still get stomach gurgles and had to pass a lot of gas. I didn’t have much hope that the lactose intolerance would have gone away with the so-called gastrointestinal reboot from surgery. :/

Once we finished our ice cream, we all parted ways, and I wanted to fall into bed after such a long day, but that was sadly not an option for me. See, it was my husband’s birthday weekend, and he had plans to go to see Rocky Horror Picture Show. Everybody else had bailed…and that left just me. So we went.

We stood in the near freezing cold for over a half an hour to get in the theatre. When I say near freezing cold, I mean it - it’s not just me being a whiny Californian. It was roughly 36°F outside, and I had on a knee-length skirt with stripey tights and Converse shoes, which have no proper insulation on the soles. I swear I thought my feet and toes were going to get frostbitten. They really did sting!

When we finally gained admittance to the theatre, it took another half hour before everything got started and all the show virgins were dealt with.
I was cold, uncomfortable, and tired. But I did remember a few lines and I did laugh several times, so it wasn’t all bad.

I cannot even remember what time we got home - I pretty much dove into bed and slept.

Medication-wise, I do not think I took any meds that day.

Exercise for that day - I will say shivering to death for most of the day counted, cuz seriously, I was starving again after the Rocky Horror show. I’d shivered so much that I’d burnt up all the calories!

Day 20: Thursday, January 6, 2011

I swear, all I wrote on my notes for that day was that I was able to lay on my stomach for half an hour while I napped. I was really tired all day that day. I don’t remember anything else. That’s what happens when I get behind by almost a week!

Day 21: Friday, January 7, 2011
I had lots of energy that day, and used it to get some paperwork done, work on my first semester self-evaluation report, and to get some exercise in.

At 2pm, I climbed the stairs to the split Victorian house we live in. I climbed the stairs three times! The pain hit once I got up to the top of the stairs the third time, so I called it a day for exercise. Sadly, I experienced increased pain and discharge within 10 minutes of stair climbing. :(
I took 600mg Ibuprofen for the pain.

Despite the cramping from the stair climbing, I began feeling guilty for missing work, even though I still had the entire next week slated to be off work. I was itching to get back and I was feeling like I was milking this whole time off thing. So I called my head teacher after she’d gone home for the day, and spoke with her. I also phoned the director on her cell phone. I even spoke with the school secretary. All three of ‘em said I need to take the time off to let my body heal up, and not come back to work too soon and risk injuring my surgical incisions or worse, tearing anything inside.
We agreed that because my return date was the same date that my next period is due, that I would also err on the side of caution and take part of, if not all of that week off, too. That means I’m off work for six weeks instead of four. Of course, six weeks is what my surgeon wanted me off work for, anyway. I am the one who originally thought three to four weeks would be sufficient.

Taking more time off work brings up my old PTSD issue, because after my first surgery, I was fired from a job when they thought I’d be ‘cured’, even though I told them from before surgery, after surgery and each time they brought it up that there is no cure for my condition, and that surgery is not a guarantee for pain relief. All we can ever do is hope for the best. Endometriosis is brutal. It sucks. It’s not fair. IT’S NOT MY FAULT THAT I WAS BORN WITH IT.

I DIDN’T BRING THIS DAMNED DISEASE UPON MYSELF.

Friday night, my husband and I went to a nightclub to celebrate a friend’s birthday. It was the first time I’d set foot inside a nightclub, but not a bar, since surgery. The bar was on January 4 for another friend’s birthday. This night, it would be a full on dance club venue, and I would be tempted to see if my body could dance.
We got there and the music was nothing I’d like to dance to, anyway. My husband took my coat upstairs to coat check, and I hung out with friends and acquaintances until he returned. Because I didn’t really know anyone, naturally I wanted a drink. Old habits never die. I ended up getting pretty drunk that night. This is the third time I’d had alcohol since surgery.
I didn’t make an ass out of myself or anything, but I do feel guilty that I drank so much. I was indeed a bit hungover the next day.

?, My husband, me, Caroline.

Sharon and me

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

My husband and I got up at 6:30am for my post-op appointment after another night of 6 or less hours of sleep.

That day, we spent sun up til sun down out of the house.

First, we went to the post-op appointment, where thankfully I did not have to be subjected to a pelvic exam. I was freezing cold, despite wearing a long sleeved shirt, a sweat shirt with a hood, a long skirt and loose-fitting leggings. Nurse Jessie gave me a warm blanket, which helped slightly. Nurse Jessie is always such a sweetheart.
When Dr. Giudice came in, I brought up my concerns about still being quite tired, still having diarrhea every day and sometimes a few times a day, still being tender to the touch on the right side, and the fact that my fingernails were still tinged pink and translucent at the ends.
Dr. G asked if I’d like to get another blood workup done, to which I replied, “didn’t you get the blood work from last week??” The surgeon and her assistant, Dr. Wang, exchanged glances. Dr. Wang stammered out that someone had seen the blood work report and had said everything turned out alright.
My surgeon asked again if I’d like more blood work. I asked her to review the blood work I just did eight days previous, and if she felt that another round was necessary, then I’d do it. Honestly, I was tired of being stuck so much and I knew it was costing me a lot of money on top of the overnight hospital stay. Dr. G said they’d have another look at it, but she was sure I was healing up alright.

After my post-op appointment, we walked in search of breakfast, and settled on a falafel joint near the hospital. This was the second day in a row that I ate hummus without my body complaining! I began thinking that perhaps all I needed was a reboot to the gastrointestinal tract to be able to tolerate foods once again.
I’m hoping I will continue to tolerate anything in the bean family again from here on out.

After breakfast, my husband drove us to the beach, and we watched the Pacific Ocean for awhile.

Fresh from post-op appt and full of breakfast!

Approaching Ocean Beach, SF

Ocean Beach

It was fracking cold!

So glad to be near my precious ocean!

My dear sweet husband, my superhero

Love :)

After walking on the beach and enduring the cold wind for a bit, we checked out the view of the old Sutro Bath ruins, and then we drove back across town to get to my hair appointment. My friend cut my hair - she’s the only person I let touch my hair anymore, and as usual, she did a fabulous job! I am so happy to be rid of all the haystacky old dyed split ends.

At the Sutro bath ruins again, but with new haircut!

Back home after a day out, showing off new hair cut!

Once we were done with the hair appointment, we went next door to a thrift store, and I bought a loose-fitting skirt for work. I’ll be wearing lots of loose fitting skirts in the coming weeks while my belly finishes healing up. This is how it went after the last surgery, too.

My husband began to sugar crash at this point, and I was hungry, too, so we called it a day and made our way back home. I drank a Boost protein drink and we ate some Rice Chex cereal I’d brought along.
Despite being so tired, my husband wanted to take the scenic route home - along the ocean. We visited the view above the Sutro bath ruins again, watched the sun begin to set and several ships sailing in from the horizon towards the golden gate bridge.

It was around this time that I had checked in with my Facebook addiction and found out that my Internet friend and endometriosis sister J had lost her newborn baby. I cried out OH NO! I just sat there with my phone in my hand, limp, staring into my lap. I shed some tears. The last sutro ruins photo of me showing off my new haircut does not have the same intensity smile as my other photos that day, because my friend was weighing so heavily on my mind at that minute. She’d only had her little one for 13 days when the newborn died overnight. Such a tragedy - she tried so hard for that baby.

And that’s how the day ended - on a somber and reflective note. We watched the sun set and the ships sail in as we took the ocean highway route down to the San Mateo bridge, and then back up along the East Bay back to our home.

Firsts for Day 19:

• I was able to stay active and out of the house from sun up til sun down!
• I was able to lay on my right side without thinking about it, and there was no pain.
• I was able to eat hummus (it’s in the bean family) with no food sensitivity repercussions, two days in a row!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I woke up at 6:45am and got ready for a psychiatric appointment. Since I had been out with my husband last night, this meant that I got 6 hours of sleep when I’d been so used to 8 solid hours, so I was really tired.

Outside it was so cold that there was frost on my car windows. I’m glad I’ve kept my snow scraper with me all these years after having moved from Michigan! It came in real handy that day.

After scraping ice off half the windshield

It doesn’t snow at ground level in the Bay Area, but every winter does bring some frost on the ground and on the cars. After scraping and warming up my car, I successfully drove to my appointment, but was late because parking was stupid. The meters in two out of the three places I tried to park were not working correctly. Finally I parked and went inside the building. They have an elevator, so I used that rather than brave the stairs first thing in the morning. My mid back was already stiff and sore from getting into my little Neon, driving, and getting out of the car again. Any time I have to twist side to side for anything, the pain ramps back up again.

My psychiatrist still wants me to try Abilify. She’s been pushing this on me since September, 2010 and I’ve been too afraid to try it because of all the side effects. She offered to get me an even smaller prescription dose than she gave me in September (which is still sitting in the cabinet), and she said while I’m off work already, this should be the best time to try the Abilify to see if I will have side effects.

My rationale states that I want to be alert to any possible surgical side effects FIRST. I don’t want to try to figure out if my mood or whatnot is caused by EITHER surgery OR the Abilify. Too much on my plate, y’know?

After I got out of the psychiatry appointment, I decided to take the stairs down instead of using the elevator. There were three flights of stairs. I took it slowly, but by the time I reached the bottom, sure enough I had pelvic cramping going on.

When I got home, despite being in pain, I wanted to get some housework done, so I tackled laundry. I slowly loaded up my laundry basket with two loads’ worth of dirty clothes, and then scooted the basket over to a waiting luggage cart. I finagled the basket up onto the luggage cart and secured it, then towed the laundry basket out to the back of the house where the laundry room is.

After the first load washed and I had put it into the dryer and the second load into the wash, I took a nap, because all of that had worn me out. I set out 600mg Advil and a half Tylenol 3 for the pain, but then refused to take the meds all day because I’m stubborn like that.
I slept for nearly an hour.

After my nap, I was still really tired, but I brought in my laundry and just let it sit (folded) in the basket. I threw myself together to go join a friend for her birthday dinner. We were late, which made me feel bad, but it all worked out. She was at a Mediterranean restaurant, and since I still have not reintroduced solid meat to my diet, there was very little I could eat. The waiter cobbled together a vegetable plate for me, consisting of sliced asparagus and bell peppers, and I used those to dip into the Hummus. I also drank red wine for the first time since before surgery. I was happy to have the wine because my social anxiety was spiking again. There were only five of us for dinner, but still, I felt very awkward socially.

To my glee, I did not have any major digestive problems with the vegetables or the wine! Yay! The bell peppers usually give me heartburn, but even that was minor on that night. Awesome.

Our friend left to go off to a dancing class, and we paid her bill, being that she was the birthday girl. We then got back to our car and my husband drove us over to Forbidden Island Tiki Bar, where we met up with two more friends who had secured an area for our birthday girl. We hung out and had drinks - I drank an Exotica (Coffee liquor and other flavours in a martini glass), a Chamborlada (Chambord and Pina Colada), and part of my friend’s birthday Fugu drink that she could not finish. That was enough to get me pretty tipsy, nay, drunk. Thankfully, not a sloppy or embarrassing drunk. Chatty, yes. Having fun, yes. It was a good night.

At Forbidden Island Tiki Bar for a friend's birthday

We got home around midnight and I went immediately to bed after consuming a pint of water. I had to be up the next day for my post-op appointment in San Francisco.

Firsts for Day 18:

• Drove alone on my own to Oakland and back - stiffness and soreness returned.
• Did my own laundry, using a luggage cart to haul the basket.
• Worked on some homework.

Limitations:

• Still having pain with climbing stairs and driving.
• Lifting anything over 5lbs is still painful.

Complications:

• Still having thick mucous vaginal discharge - doesn’t smell foul anymore. Is likely ovulation.

I slept until 10am - another eight hour night before my body was too sore to stay in bed. Actually I should say my body is sore by the 6 hour mark, but I am stubborn and keep going back to bed until it’s been 8 hours. Oh how I love 8 hours of sleep.

The first thing I did when I got out of bed was spend about 20 minutes walking around the house and doing gentle stretches.

Today I cleaned up some papers and such on the kitchen table, but I didn’t get my ass out of the house until after 4pm. The weather was cold, overcast and windy - I think it only got up to 50°F today, and it sprinkled throughout the day.

My husband and I got some pet supplies for the cats, and then we went for a short walk behind the shopping center, which has a sidewalk overlooking the estuary (which flows into the San Leandro Bay). There are observation decks one can climb up to in order to get a better look at a view of the estuary and the Oakland hills. I climbed a bit faster than I had done yesterday, and coming back down the stairs, I was able to go at my normal pace. I did so giggling with delight.

However, less than a hundred feet later, I began to get stabbing uterine pains and had to slow my walking pace. I adjusted and picked up my pace again, but I still struggled with the pelvic pain. My husband stopped into a game store to ask a game console question, and while I stood there waiting, the pain reached a 5 on the pain scale.

When we got back to the car, I took 600mg of Ibuprofen. I’ve been fatigued ever since. I spent the rest of the night on the couch taking it easy, which sucks, because I had wanted to try going to a nightclub for the first time since before surgery.

Food I ate today:
Leftover Indian (Saag Paneer)
Gluten-free freezer pancakes
Boost drinks
Rice Chex cereal
Homemade macaroon a friend had made
20oz of water
Coconut juice

Note:
The foul smell abated some and the bloody discharge went away overnight, but late this afternoon I had some thick mucous discharge again. I’m wondering now if this is ovulation already. Today is about Day 6 of the new cycle, and I always get mittelschmerz on Day 8 of the new cycle. Could it be a couple of days early?

Complications:
I am still having the round of diarrhea or loose stool every morning. I’m guessing this is still a holdover from when the surgeon bumped the mesentery on the way in with the camera.

I nearly threw up tonight after eating the same kinds of food I’ve been eating; gluten-free pancakes and Boost. I also developed a headache so I took my temperature and the temporal digital read 100°F. The glass therm read 99°F. Bah, whatever.

Firsts for today:
I wore loose-fitting slacks! I looked like a dweeb, but at least I have a pair of slacks I can wear to work in the first week back, which is coming up fast.