After my last entry, I had gone to bed (it took awhile to write all that stuff!!).
Around 12:20am I awoke in screaming pain.
I tried to get out of bed and WOOSH tidal wave LOOK OUT blood everywhere. Didn’t get any on the bed but I thought my innards would just slide right out at any second.
Earlier, george had subsided and I started to feel better all around. I decided I’d go to work on Tuesday. I was completely mad from cabin fever for the last four days and had to get out, even if it meant going to work.
But there I was after midnight, whimpering from pain all over again.
Gushing everywhere like it was Sunday all over again. I thought I had gushed it all out the day prior, I swear. I popped 4 ibuprofen and grabbed the heating pad and went back to bed.
Next morning I got up for work as planned and I felt all right.
Went to work and was fine til around 11:30am and then it hit all at once without warning AGAIN.
Nearly 12 hours later? WTF???
Got home yesterday and felt better. When I went to bed, george was nearly gone. Happy monkey!
However, a storm had rolled in during the night. Wind and rain pounded the side of the apartment building and the windows, keeping me from restful sleep all night.
NOT HAPPY MONKEY.
Woke up this morning and made myself a quesadilla w/ lotsa spinach, which is rich in iron and vitamin K.
I used soy cheese instead of cow cheese in the quesadilla. Nummy!
Went to work and was fine til around 11:45am and then it hit all at once without warning. Deja fecking vu.
I told my bf that I must be going with the ocean tides or something and then I just couldn’t handle the severity of that statement so I started yelling “HOLY CRAP IF THAT’S TRUE THEN THAT’S PRIMORDIAL, BASIC AND AUTOMATIC, INSTINCTUAL AND COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL!!!
THAT MEANS I’M JUST A CPU TO KEEP THE FLESHY BITS WITH THEIR OWN AGENDAS AND ECOSYSTEMS ALIVE! THERE IS NO PURPOSE OR MEANING TO LIFE FOR REALZ!”
My bf’s eyes grew wide at my outburst and he smiled nervously.
Hormonal rage took over once more, eh Steph?
And my own words have echoed in my ears all day:
“I’M JUST A CPU TO KEEP THE FLESHY BITS WITH THEIR OWN AGENDAS AND ECOSYSTEMS ALIVE! THERE IS NO PURPOSE OR MEANING TO LIFE FOR REALZ!”
And I wanted even more than ever before to find a way to stop this evil machine, but the Mind just won’t let me.
Ever see that X Files episode with the giant underground mushroom?
I felt like a character in that. Like I had been affected by the mushroom and didn’t know reality from hallucination.
I felt like I was finding myself in the pod in The Matrix after having seemingly lived out a third of my life.
I bled and was in pain all afternoon up til the time I got home, and then everything calmed down again.
When I got out of the car, I walked to the beach and stared at the fierce bay waters as they surged forth, filled with sand carried by waves from I dunno how deep under.
Another storm was on the way.
Once home, I looked up ocean tides.
For February 24th:
HIGH 2:30ish AM (cramps hit 12:20am, 2 hours before HIGH)
LOW 9ish AM (cramps hit 11:30ish am, 2ish hours after LOW)
HIGH 3ish PM (cramps subsided)
LOW 8:30ish PM (no cramps)
For February 25th:
HIGH 3ish AM (no cramps)
LOW 9:30ish AM (cramps hit around 11:45am, 2ish hours after LOW)
HIGH 3:30ish PM (continued cramps thru HIGH)
LOW 9ish PM (no cramps)
So there it is. My flow is NOT aligned with high or low tide, but ALL tides.
So I’m chillin. There’s been a huge storm roaring outside, complete with bright zig-zagging lightning and booming, roaring thunder which rattles the windows and walls, just like back in Michigan.
Oh, it’s been SO long since I’ve experienced a thunderstorm like this.
Last time was September, 2001 in Michigan. I stood on my brother’s front porch and drank beer with the family. It was my nephew’s seventh birthday. He’d had a great day; bright and warm outside.
Dusk brought the storm, which we adults sat outside to enjoy.
The sky turned evil and lightning bolts shot and we watched like it was fireworks, and my man said, “I’m gonna die.” We all laughed the evil “You’re not from around here, are ya boy?” laugh.
Can’t wait til June when I go back to see my sister get married.
I’m hoping for another thunderstorm, before or after the wedding, of course. And my man and Sherpa can BOTH wet themselves while I laugh the evil “You’re not from around here, are ya boy?” laugh.