I Will Not Suffer In Silence

I’ve not journaled about this until now because I wanted to make sure I got the test results back, first. And well, it was humiliating to have to go through this.

I alluded to my problem back on March 25 and March 26.

Well, on March 28 when the pain happened again during and after intimacy, I made an emergency trip to the doctor’s office.
I wasn’t due for my annual pap smear until April 20, but was told I should have it done, NOW. I want to let it be known that this is the same doctor I complained about in October, 2007 and in January, 2009. But she was the only doctor available who could see me on such short notice that day, who had access to my medical file relating to endometriosis.

During the pap smear, I was also tested for sexually transmitted diseases (STD), and was told that the test results would be due back on Thursday, April 2.

After the exam, I got dressed and waited. The doctor came back in and said to me, “How do I say this tactfully…uh…are you sure your boyfriend hasn’t been stepping out?”

First of all, he’s not my boyfriend, he’s my HUSBAND, and NO, he hasn’t been sleeping with other people. I was infuriated that this would be the first thing a doctor would suspect, given MY personal medical history, which this office has been made aware of several times.

She told me the reason why she asked the question was that the pap smear came back positive for cervicitis. I asked her if there was anything else that might cause cervicitis, because I know I don’t have a friggin STD. I cited examples of clean pap smears three times within the last ten years. The doctor shrugged and said she didn’t know of any other cause of cervicitis. What a crock of shit.

So I went home and researched it and found that a latex condom allergy could lead one to cervicitis. I thought about it some more and decided that digital play with improperly cleaned fingers and fingernails could lead me to cervicitis, as could bumping up against the anus during sexual intercourse. In my case, these are all plausible, because I am so sensitive to infections.

I called my gynecologist on Monday, March 30 to let her know I had my annual pap smear early because of an infection. We talked about everything that might lead to cervicitis. She totally agreed with me that digital play with improperly cleaned fingers and fingernails could lead me to cervicitis, as could bumping up against the anus during sexual intercourse. My gynecologist was really upset with the doctor who saw me on Saturday, saying she should have put me on antibiotics right away, to avoid the infection spreading to the fallopian tubes and ovaries and causing permanent damage. She called in doxycycline and flagyl over the phone, and I started on the antibiotics on Tuesday.

Two days later, I saw my gynecologist and she did a follow-up pelvic exam. This time I had no pain. She performed additional testing and told me the antibiotics were obviously working.

Despite knowing the above-mentioned things about my reproductive health, the STD test results from my primary care doctor were not back by Thursday, April 2.
I called on Thursday the 2nd, Friday the 3rd, Saturday the 4th, Monday the 6th, Tuesday the 7th, and Wednesday the 8th, and the goddamned results were not in. I grew angrier with my primary care doctor because she’d not checked in on me once that whole week. I would have been made to suffer an additional 12 days had I not spoken to my gynecologist.

Sometime after 8:00 at night on Thursday, April 8, the primary doctor called me to tell me that the STD tests came back negative for gonnorhea and chlamydia (DUH, AS EXPECTED), and that the pap showed no abnormal cells, no pre-cancer worries, nothing.

She stated that she doesn’t know what’s wrong with me, and to please follow up with my gynecologist.

I took the opportunity to tell her my gyn was already in the loop and was not happy with her decision to not put me on antibiotics right away. The doctor said she’d had a reason at the time for not putting me on antibiotics, but had since forgotten it.
Nice, eh?
I repeated what my gyn said - that she was afraid of permanent damage to the tubes and ovaries if the infection were allowed to proceed, and given that the lab results didn’t come back for two weeks, this is a HUGE problem for my health and safety. The doctor apologised but didn’t seem sincere in her apology.

Because I took a new job, I can no longer make my appointment with the gynecological oncologist or my endocrinologist. I had to cancel both because they are during working hours. Of course, they do not offer weekend or evening appointments, so I will be forced to take time off work. I’m going to see if I can get the appointments on Friday, may 29 - the day after I return from our honeymoon.

In the meantime, I’m glad to have proof once again that I don’t have an STD, just to shut these damned doctors up, because it’s the first thing they always leap to whenever there’s a gynecological issue, regardless of the fact that I have a documented non-STD illness in that region.

GAH THIS MAKES ME SO MAD TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS EVERY TIME I HAVE ANOTHER COMPLICATION FROM THIS ILLNESS.

But on the other hand, I’m even more scared. They say they don’t know what’s wrong with me.

So what’s wrong with me then?

The fear creeps in. The big ‘c’ word looms regardless of the family doctor saying she saw no abnormal cells on the pap.

In an update to yesterday’s post:

The company that harrassed me and discriminated against me and refused to make reasonable accomodations for me, and who fired me for missing 1-3 days of work per month on account of a chronic, incurable, congenital stage III illness (Endometriosis) told me yesterday that they’d get my 1099 tax form out to me sometime in February. If I recall, the woman had told me mid-February, but don’t quote me on that. In any case, today they called me back.

They said that this year, they were told that since January 31 falls on a weekend, they have until February 2 to postmark 1099 and W2 tax forms in the mail.

I told them they’re full of shit and that if the 31st falls on a weekend, they need to get the tax forms out BEFORE then. I threatened to call my lawyer. I shit you not, I was told to update my lawyer on the current news that they have until Feb 2. However, they told me that since I’m so insistent, they’ll get my 1099 in the mail today.

I then went to H&R Block on the way home from work today and asked, “Since January 31st falls on a weekend, when technically do tax forms have to be in the mail to employees?” I was told regardless of weekend, all forms must be in the hands of employees NO LATER THAN JANUARY 31…BY LAW.

The company is in the wrong and I once again am right. They will always be in the wrong, because of what they did to me, and the fact that the federal and state authorities agreed with me, and the fact that the company settled rather than go to court. So there’s no amount of their bullshit they can dish at me that I will just take without a raging fight. I rest confidently and guilt-free in the FACT that this company is wrong, I am right, and I will be victorious.

I just wish this goddamned company would finally learn its lesson so I don’t have to get flashbacks and the whole PTSD going on every time I have to interact with them.
I can only hope that with receiving and filing the 1099 form, ALL of it is officially behind me, and I can get on with my life.

I am SO MAD!!!

I’ve been wondering where the hell my 1099 tax form is from the company that fired me in October, 2007 for having Endometriosis. I took them to the labor board and the company settled. Now I have to file a 1099 but HELLO they’ve not gotten it to me, yet.

(Note to my friends: if you know what company I’m talking about, DO NOT NAME THEM BECAUSE THIS WILL SCREW ME LEGALLY)

I tried to get ahold of them last week but couldn’t get a live person or even connect because somehow the place was operating on phone tree labyrinth.

Today I tried again and got through to the secretary (perhaps she was out last week and that’s why the phone tree labyrinth of do0m?). She patched me through to H.R., who had to check with Finance. Got a call back a bit later and was told I’ll get my 1099 sometime in February. I said, “What?!? Isn’t that a bit late?” and I was told sorry, that’s how they do it there.

So I consulted with my current employer and my husband, who all said tax forms have to be sent to employees no later than January 31st by law.

And the interwebs concur: “The returns must be filed with the IRS by the end of February immediately following the year for which the income items or other proceeds are paid. Copies of the returns must be sent to payees, however, by the end of January.”

So I called back and asked for the Finance department. I was patched through to voicemail. I left a message telling them they have until January 31st by law to send me my 1099 and to contact me ASAP. Tomorrow I’ll be calling the labor board again to see if this is still their jurisdiction or not.

And so after that, all I can say is, the PTSD returned. My back is locked up, I’m having flashbacks to how I was treated for seven months before my illegal firing, and goddammit I thought I had all their bullshit behind me!

Gah.

Today I had a consultation with a new doctor at the local family practice.

After not being treated right by another doctor there, I had gone ahead and requested a new doctor be appointed as my primary. However, I wanted to interview him, first.

I indicated that I have an autoimmune disorder, and noted it as Endometriosis. I described the illnesses which I believe to be tied in my autoimmune disorder:

• Acute Pancreatitis (1992)
• Allergies (my entire life)
• Stage III Endometriosis (pain since onset of menses in 1985, diagnosis in 2007)

I told the doctor that I need a special care plan so that a primary doctor can be the anchor to all the specialists that I have (endocrinologist, allergist, gynecologist, immunologist). I need for all these doctors to talk to each other and for all their findings about me to be placed centrally with my primary family doctor.

So after all the things I told him, and after glancing at the medical history on me that I printed out regarding the bullet points above, this doctor disagreed with me, saying he does not believe I have an autoimmune disorder, and cited his 20 years of experience as a medical doctor to just sit there, look at me today, and make his judgement

OH.

OKAY.

I SEE.

“High rates of autoimmune and endocrine disorders, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and atopic diseases among women with endometriosis: a survey analysis” - Human Reproduction, 2002

“Multiple endometrial antigens are targeted in autoimmune endometriosis,” - Reproductive Medicine Online, June, 2008

“Human endometriosis is associated with plasma cells and overexpression of B lymphocyte stimulator,” - Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, July, 2007

Gee doc, I guess you’re right. I don’t have an autoimmune disorder. In fact, I don’t even have Stage III Endometriosis. It’s all in my head, just like my momma and all the doctors in my teen years told me.

I guess I should just shut the hell up - it’s just part of being a woman after all.

…

I printed out all three of those research articles above and mailed it to my doctor for additional documentation to add to my file. But I don’t have hope that he’ll come around and be the anchor to all the specialists that I so desperately need. So now I’m on the hunt for an entirely new family doctor’s office.

And boy am I pissed off.

I have NOT started the antibiotics yet. It’s complicated. The short story is that I’ve reached my breaking point in not being treated accordingly for my health condition; namely, that I have an autoimmune disorder which needs specialised care as opposed to symptom-based care.

The long story:

On Monday, I went to the doctor on self-diagnosis of sinus infection, and I wanted confirmation as to whether this was the case. I expected to get my ears, nose and throat looked at, the lymph nodes in my neck examined, rule out an ear infection, and possibly get scheduled for x-ray to rule out sinus infection.

None of that happened. Instead, I was flat out denied anything but over the counter drugs (Mucinex, Ocean® brand nasal spray, Tylenol), and was told to come back in 4 days if I was not better to get a prescription for Xanax, to take along with Sudafed, because I’d noted that I would not take Sudafed because the pseudoephedrine makes my heart race and gives me panic attacks.

I called the doctor’s office 2 days later and complained about my doctor. I demanded to be seen by another doctor. Instead of an appointment being made to be seen and properly looked at, another doctor prescribed antibiotics over the phone.

Result: I have no idea what I’ve got. I only have my assumptions. Does this even get documented in my medical file? How do I establish a pattern to tie it in w/ the immune deficiency stuff?

Here is part of my health profile:

• Endometriosis is an autoimmune disease.
  

• When I was 6 years old, I became allergic to the weekly allergy shots I was being given. My ma said the pediatrician told her I was allergic to my own germs. What that translated to, and I didn’t know it for years, was a giant red flag. Being allergic to your own germs means you have an autoimmune disorder. Instead of ma getting me some specialised care, she dropped the ball entirely. Why? Because we were butt-ass poor. So I grew up being sick constantly, which cost her more in the long run emotionally and financially.
  

• I have suffered from acute sinus infections since childhood, and it is known that “Acute sinusitis is much more common in certain patients than in the general population. For example, sinusitis occurs more often in patients with reduced immune function”. I even developed bronchitis at least once every two years through high school. It didn’t help that my ma is to this day a pack-a-day smoker who keeps the house sealed up, so I had to grow up a smoker along with her, even though I gagged and breathed shallow and lived in my bedroom to try to avoid it.
  

• When I was 21 years old, I developed acute pancreatitis, which can also be triggered by autoimmune disease. The E.R. doctor chalked it up to me being an alcoholic, because I was 21 years old, in college, and it was New Year’s Eve. What he didn’t care about was my history of severe allergies, the fact that I was raised extreme Christian and was working as a toddler teacher for a Christian daycare. Does this look like a raging alcoholic to you???
  

• In 2006, I was doing diet elimination for pain management of the endometriosis, and when I added back in wheat and yeast, my body flipped out. My allergist strongly suspects Celiac Disease and wants me to go for an endoscopy but so far, I’ve been a bit skittish and have just been abstaining from glutenous foods in the meantime.
  

• For most of my life, if not all of it, I’ve had a low body temperature. Normal for me is 97.4°F. I’ve read that it’s still within the normal range, and numerous thyroid blood tests over the years have come back negative for hypothyroidism, but I think it’s wrong that I’m always freezing cold. On a 90°F day, I can catch a chill taking a nap.

There’s more, but like the thyroid issue, other stuff still needs official confirmation/diagnosis for me to start really talking about it.
So I am mad. I want correct treatment again, based upon my medical condition, not being moved along like cattle on a conveyor belt.

For too many years, I have not received proper care. I think the last time any doctor tried to look into my entire medical history and treat me accordingly was a doctor down in San Jose. That’s about seven years ago. I can’t even remember her name, for shame.

When we go to a doctor’s office, we expect personalised care. If I wanted conveyor belt treatment, I’d go to a walk-in clinic. This is how my doctor’s office seems to be run. I disapprove. I am sending a complaint letter and based upon the reply I get (if any at all), I may have to shop for a new doctor’s office all together.

And in the meantime, I’ll start the antibiotics Real Soon Now. I have an appointment with the new doctor on the 24th, but I’m not sure I can wait that long. My ears are threatening to explode. Taking 1200mg twice a day of the Mucinex has not expelled forth the mucous as promised, nor has the neti pot and nasal spray helped.

I’ve hit the 10-day mark with being sick with a cold/sinus crap. I keep hearing that people have been sick for over a month with this.

It’s been migrating into my ears, which is why I went to the doctor the other day. Today is even worse. Headache won’t stop despite 1000mg Tylenol, continued neti pot flushings, 1200mg Mucinex twice daily, Ocean brand salt spray applied throughout the day, zinc and vitamin C twice daily, lots of fluids, and laying on my side (alternating) to drain the Maxillary sinuses.

On my way to work this morning, I got a killer headache, my ears became more plugged, I developed light and sound sensitivity (which has been intermittent for days but is now continuous), and my frontal sinuses are the source of the major head pain at this time, rather than the maxillary sinuses. The snorking of snot has produced what I told Dr. Fisher it would - a bloody nose.

I called the doctor’s office this morning and filed a complaint against Dr. Fisher. I put in a request for a new doctor to be named as my primary (I have PPO coverage which means I don’t need a primary, but I want one assigned because my health condition warrants that SOMEONE be a stable point of contact. I’ve learned this over the years - all my medical file needs to be in one place and one person securing the knowledge. The problem seems to be that doctors PREFER to NOT know all the details about patients anymore, and just treat us like cattle on a conveyor belt).

I’ve had an on-call nurse call me back already for more info, and asked if my doctor had discussed antibiotics. HAHAHAHA! NICE.
I launched into a tirade against the doctor, and the nurse said she’d have an on-call doctor call me back and likely prescribe the antibiotics.

On top of all of this, the Endometriosis symptoms have started, because I’m due on Sunday (in 4 days). It started yesterday afternoon, with moderate jabbing pain in the left pelvic/ovarian region, and migrated down my leg (as Endo is known to do).

Despite the endometriosis pain, I couldn’t take not being able to enjoy the warm sunny weather any longer, and so yesterday I took the baby I care for for a stroller ride down to the local seaside car park and back. It was a total of a half a mile round trip, and it’s all my body could take because I’ve not had much exercise in the past couple of months due to various reasons and excuses.

Today the pain is centered low in the uterus, near the bladder (that’s where the remaining disease was at time of diagnosis and had to be left in me to grow, because removing the disease from the bladder would have punctured my bladder and I’d have been on a cath for the rest of my life). It’s a dull, continuous pain, and radiates down both inner legs to my knees. This is ‘normal’ behaviour for the endo for me. I feel like I should check myself every half hour or so, because it feels like I could start at any second. This is also ‘normal’ for me.

The fatigue should set in full force by Friday. As if I’ve not been out of breath and tired as it is from being sick.

I understand getting sick. I just want prompt treatment. While healthy people can just let it run its course, I can’t afford to do that. And I’m tried of proving this to the doctors.

AHA! The on-call nurse just called back. A new doctor is faxing in a request for Zithromax for me right now.

FASCINATING.

So we have two ends of the spectrum, folks; doctors who absolutely refuse to prescribe antibiotics out of fear of contributing to drug-resistant bacteria, and doctors who still let patients dictate when they need antibiotics. And what happened to the in-between? You know, the throat culture swab? Looking with a scope in my ears, nose and throat?

Despite my strong desire to have this illness remedied ASAP, it’d still be nice to know EXACTLY WHAT IT IS, because it needs to be documented in my charts as part of my history. Not just, “pt req antibiotics” or somesuch without further explanation.

Yeah yeah I know, I’m never happy. It’s just that the medical industry, at least in the U.S., is seriously flawed and needs a major overhaul.

The doctor says I don’t have a sinus infection. She didn’t look inside my mouth, nose or ears. She sat across the room from me and emphatically stated I do not have a sinus infection and will not prescribe antibiotics.

I rehashed my medical history for this woman, noting all the autoimmune issues I have (allergies, gluten intolerance, pancreatitis, endometriosis) but she refused to budge.

She told me to do the same thing she told me last time which didn’t work; use Mucinex and Ocean saline, and if that doesn’t help, use Sudafed. I told her the last time I tried the Mucinex and Ocean saline, I still had to come back a week later and get antibiotics for a full on sinus infection. I asked if she’d prescribe by phone so I don’t have to waste my money when I know I’m right. She said NO, she will not prescribe antibiotics by phone, she has to see me.

She explained how the sinus cavities worked, and told me that the ones I’m complaining about in particular are the Maxillary sinus cavities, which have a problem of properly draining because the ducts to those cavities are located up towards the bridge of the nose.
She told me that blowing my nose just blows the snot back into these cavities, and what I really should be doing is snorking the snot back up my nose, down into my throat, and spitting it.
Sounds sexy.

She told me again she’d really like for me to take Sudafed.

I told her I can’t take Sudafed - the pseudoephedrine in it makes my heart race and gives me panic attacks. She told me to use Sudafed P.E., instead. I told her I can’t even take that, because it also makes me loopy.
Her reaction was basically ‘oh well’ which if I recall, was her reaction last time, too. I asked if she’d give me xanax to go with the fecking Sudafed then - she said YES.

WHAT KIND OF ASSHOLE DOCTOR IS THIS!?!?

And then I remembered, I was reading back through my journal lately, and I was supposed to have fired this doctor. As a matter of fact, I tried to but it didn’t get noted, and then I just got lazy and didn’t follow up.
This time it’s final. She’s fired. Doctor Mary Fisher is fired. I want to appoint Dr. Sellman instead. Let it be noted.

SO to rehash, when Steph is exposed to someone who has a cold and/or brewing sinus issues, Steph is to immediately take the following steps:

• Always carry Life Shield Throat Defense and spray it in back of my throat immediately after I think I’ve been exposed.
• Begin using neti pot immediately once I am feeling stuffed up OR have runny nose.
• Continue taking vitamin C and zinc, but double up on it.
• Scale back on carbs and drink and eat LOTS of fluids, continuously.
• Start flushing nose with Ocean spray, and snork the snot back into my throat and spit, rather than blow my nose, to properly drain the maxillary sinuses.
• Take Mucinex to ensure the sinuses are not clogging up.
• Take Tylenol for sinus pain.

I did everything right except for flushing with Ocean spray, snorking the snot and taking Mucinex and Tylenol.

So next time, and there WILL be a next time, I have to do those bullet points before I come whining to a doctor.

FINE. Fine, I’ll play ball. AGAIN.

I just hope I don’t have to prove her wrong again because ya know, normally I’m a “it’s the point of the matter” kind of person and will fight to the death, but right now, with my health, I don’t WANT to be right. I just want this over with. I’ve been sick since January 4th - it started with yellow boogers and went full on madness the evening of January 5th after being exposed to baby fever germs.

I want a strong built up immune system - please to be acclimating to the kidlets, dear immune system!

And right this second, I want bed. But laundry must be finished. *sigh*

Tis the season for sickies. All of my friends have gotten sick and I’ve stayed away from them for the most part. I’ve done very well taking 500-1000mg Vitamin C and 1 zinc pill each day. Even when my husband came down with a cold/sinus crap, I told him NO TOUCHY! and used Chlorox wipes and swapped out towels regularly and used my own towel completely in the kitchen and for the hand towel in the bathroom.

But I could only hold out for so long.

My husband was feeling better on Saturday and so we spent quality intimate time with each other. I take advantage of every moment I can when I’m not being affected by Endometriosis to be close to my husband physically. Sometimes that poor man has to wait two or more weeks. I was hesitant of course, knowing he’d been sick recently. But his cough went away, sinuses cleared up, so I thought sure, okay, he’s fine.

Sunday night, I had yellow boogers and a stuffed nose already. He’s the only person I’ve been around in such close proximity. I still blame him.

“From the time a cold virus enters the nose, it takes 8-12 hours for the viral reproductive cycle to be completed and for new cold virus to be released in nasal secretions. This interval is called the incubation period.

Cold symptoms can also begin shortly after virus is first produced in the nose (10-12 hours). The time from the beginning of the infection to the peak of symptoms is typically 36-72 hours.” - CommonCold.org

“People are most contagious for the first 3 or 4 days after the symptoms appear and may be contagious for up to 3 weeks. Although some colds can linger for as long as 2 weeks, most clear up within a week.” - kidshealth.org

I rest my case.

On Monday, I returned to work after a two-week forced vacation, because the parents I work for were on a forced vacation. Companies cutting back during hard financial times and all that. Anyway, when I returned to work, I was met with a snot-ridden infant with a 99°F temperature.
As is typical of parents (I spent over five years working in daycares), I was told the baby WAS sick but is now getting better. However, just before she left the house, mom took baby’s temp, revealing the fever, apologised and dashed out of the house.
I did the best I could and washed my hands a lot, but an 8-month-old doesn’t know how to cover her mouth when she sneezes and coughs. I felt a droplet hit my lower lip at one point when the baby was in close range and decided to do raspberries. Ugh. I cringed. One droplet is all it takes.

I woke this morning barely able to breathe out of my nose.
Right now my ears are plugging up and I have a headache.

I know I’ll be sick as a dog by Thursday. I always get sick so easily. So why the heck did I become a nanny or teacher for a living?!?!? Well the answer is, I got sick even working in corporations, even for small mom and pop stores. Because people in general are not sanitary enough for me, because I have a compromised immune system due to or in part due to the Endometriosis. I was already getting sick because of the cold my husband brought home to me. This is the nail in the coffin so to speak.

The parents of the baby I work with took her to the doctor this morning. I was on my way in to work and called to check in with the family. I was told that the baby had a cold which progressed into a ’secondary sinus infection’, and she’ll be on antibiotics, but not until tonight when they can get her prescription filled. The mother dashsed off to work and said the father was home sick as well, but still needed me for the day because he’s not well.

I got upset, but then thought about the hard reality: I’ve already been exposed to the virus. Firstly through my husband, then yesterday through the baby. It’s already too late. May as well go in to work and earn my dollars while I can, because I’ll be missing more work than just for george this month.

So here I am, not a happy camper, wishing the world would be nicer to me. :p

Holy crap! My husband’s friend just got me the following booklet for Xmess:
Is Endometriosis Potentially Malignant: Third Japan Conference on Endometriosis, Kanagawa, Japan, April 2000: Proceedings (Gynecologic and Obstetric Investigation)
by H. Hoshiai (Editor), et al.

I added this to my Amazon wishlist back on December 17th after searching Google news for the latest on Endometriosis, and a link to that conference came up. I was mad that the information, now 8 years old, was not freely available on the web. So I tossed it on my Amazon wishlist.

I can’t wait to pore over this and share the info with Endometriosis forums!

The reason such valuable information is not more widely spoken about is that, according to the Endometriosis Association, there are only so many researchers and scientists devoted to working on diseases associated with malignancy (cancers) and immunological disorders…AIDS being the one which takes up most scientists’ and researchers’ time… so there’s noone and no money left to devote to other pressing illnesses, such as Endometriosis. So articles like the one above are pushed into the background to fade away.
This is unacceptable! I want to be part of the growing number of people who keep this stuff fresh and push for it to continually be looked at!!

And that’s all the rant I have in me now with the pain and medication… but rest assured, there’s more to come!

First I am denied access to a radiologist by my current GYN. I *still* have not gotten a call back from that bitch. It’s been a week and a half out of six so far. I believe she should have sent me to a radiologist right then and there. I continue to believe that she will make me wait the full six weeks before referring me.

So I tried going online through my husband’s insurance carrier to find a specialist. I have to register. Ok fine. But no username I picked would please the damned website. So I tried calling the insurance carrier. After navigating the automated phone tree, I was dumped into a void - no sound - but the call was still connected. After a couple of minutes, I hung up in anger.

Anger.

I am mad. I am mad a lot, lately.

I am convinced the anger is a reaction to the fecking cyst pressing on my fecking ovary and/or uterus and messing with my entire emotional state. Lord knows how long this bastard has been growing… let’s look up how long it takes for one of these things to develop.

…well I started this journal entry at 1:34pm on November 18, 2008, and the research took longer than anticipated. I often look up stuff while journaling. But the baby I care for woke up and now I’m back on the job. More later.

November 19, 2008
I still have not been able to determine how long it takes for a cyst to develop and grow to 4cm in size. All the websites I’ve looked at tell me an ovarian cyst starts at one cycle and may continue to grow, but so far I’ve not found any sort of growth rate discussion.
So I have no idea - the cyst could have started last January for all I know, and grown bigger over time as my stress level increased. Most sites I’ve looked at tell me that stress is a huge factor in the creation of painful ovarian cysts, along with having Endometriosis.

Another thing that made me very angry while researching yesterday:
I did a google keyword search for “ovarian cyst psychological”. Two titles caught my eye: “The Only Proven Cures for Ovarian Cysts” and “Complex Ovarian Cyst - Causes and Risks”. Turns out, when you click through, the first one is at buzzle.com and the second one is at ezinearticles.com, but both lead to another click - directing me to that which both sites are quoting from. As soon as I landed on this website, I knew by the layout that it was an ad pitch. I knew that I was not going to be happy by the time I got to the bottom of the page, but I started reading, anyway, in case I could glean any new education about ovarian cysts.

OF COURSE I WAS WRONG.

The website does a really good job of citing piercingly accurate statements about what is going on with one who has ovarian cysts. This draws one in further, because she can totally identify. I found myself saying “YES! Exactly!” at different points on the page, while still remaining skeptical that the author would give any actual ADVICE away. I was right. The author kept referring to info she found out over time from publicly available documents in libraries and such as SECRETS. At the end of the article was her pitch for an e-book, which costs $39, which would reveal these so-called secrets.

I became enraged.

I have a website called Living With Endometriosis, which is a compilation of publicly available information as I discover it, to help others out there with Endometriosis. Sure, I spend hours and days of my life to research this information for free, but it is firstly hours well spent to educate MYSELF in order to try to heal or treat ME.
There is nobody out there who is going to pay me for researching stuff that will help me. The nice thing to do once I have this information, is not to keep it to myself, but to share it with others.

FOR FREE.

BECAUSE I GOT THE INFORMATION I SHARE FOR FREE.

That’s the splendor of the Internet, folks - sharing information freely.

Not so with this Mary Parker woman, who is obviously a selfish, greedy bitch. Anyone who has a website design like that is selling snake oil.