Effing angry

Here we go again, folks.

I hate American health care.
Hate.
FECKING HATE.

On this job contract, I am eligible for health care after 30 days employment, which hit on April 1st. But my paperwork didn’t come in til late April. The health insurance carrier is Cigna.

On April 28, I called a doctor off of the health insurance carrier’s own doctor list to make an appointment. I told the doctor I’m a PPO insurance and I gave my card information over the phone. For some reason, the doctor didn’t believe me and had to call Cigna to verify my information.
The next day, the doctor called back to state that I am NOT a PPO insurance holder and that her office cannot see me at all.

Today I stayed home from work due to intense menstrual cramping, so I decided I’d use my time off work to call up some more doctors. I called Cigna and took down the names of Cigna-authorised doctors.

The first doctor I called today asked me a bunch of questions about my insurance, then said I’d have to have Cigna call to verify my insurance with them. So I said screw that noise and called another doctor. The second doctor said they couldn’t even see me until May 31st. So again, I said screw that, because my employment contract ends May 27th. Third doctor I called gave me the same runaround as the first doctor today and the doctor last Thursday; they need Cigna to call them and they insist I’m HMO, not PPO.
This information isn’t even printed on my card – whether I’m PPO or HMO.

So after a half hour trying to figure out Cigna’s phone tree to get to a live representative, I get some hillbilly in the South somewhere who sounds like she could be a relative from Kentucky or Florida, and she tells me I have HMO insurance, and that I have to talk to HR at work as to why the paperwork went in that way as opposed to PPO, which I’d requested.

So the lady at Cigna gives me the spiel of “why don’t you just have your doctor contact us” … so I interrupted and told her that three doctors now, all from the Cigna network, have all told me that Cigna needs to call THEM.

The lady says, “I have never heard of a doctor asking us to call them.”

So …. I got cranky.

Lecture ensued, demands were stated, and then I was put on hold while the douchebag made a shakey-voiced call to the doctor I want to see.

I was on hold for about seven minutes when the other line rang. It was the doctor I’d planned to go see, and she was near hysterics – yelling about how Cigna won’t release any information and I have to demand to talk to their supervisor and how rude the woman was over at Cigna, etc etc, so I had to repeatedly tell the doctor I’m still on hold with Cigna, let me go back and see if they’ve come back to the phone yet. My doctor in hyperactive defensive bipolar mode rattled off quickly, “Ok fine Ok bye” and hung up on me.

I went back to the other line and continued to wait. When the douche came back to the phone, she explained to me that she couldn’t give out my personal information to the doctor’s office. I started raising my voice and swearing at this point. I told her very clearly that the whole damned reason I called Cigna was TO AUTHORISE my goddamned info to the doctor. Then the douche, all shakey-like, told me she’d have to hang up on me if I didn’t refrain from swearing.

So I asked a rhetorical question and got put on hold so she could go ask her supervisor why there’s a breakdown in the system process between doctor and carrier. I shit you not.

I then waited about seven more minutes on hold, maybe longer. When douche got back on the line, she said they can do a conference call and release my medical info to the doctor’s office with me on the line, too.

Ok, fine, let’s do it.

So douche called the doctor’s office, and a secretary answered instead of the doctor.

Now, I saw where this was going.

I saw, because I’ve been here before:

* March, 2003
* July, 2004
* January, 2005

This secretary person barely spoke english and said she knows nothing about the situation and why don’t we wait on hold while she grabs the doctor?

Both the lady at Cigna and I told the secretary at the doctor’s office that all we want to do is release my info so we can make an appointment for me.

The secretary stammers, “Ahhhhhhhhh well ahhhhh I dunno what is de matter on dis one…” and asks to put us both on hold again.

Here’s where Cameron goes berzerk…

I declare “this is so fucked up, I’m hanging up on both of you assholes right now.”

*CLICK*

Meanwhile, I’m stoned on overdosage of Tylenol 1 pills a friend had to obtain in Canada for me, just so I can have some sort of temporary pain relief.

Welcome to my hell.

If I had a gun, people would die.

Postsript:
Breakfast: 2 corn tortillas filled w/ Mediterranean blend cheese, two tablespoons salsa (All Trader Joe’s food)
Lunch: 2 scrambled eggs w/ raw cheddar and rice milk
Any snacks: chocolate pieces

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