GAAAHHHH

June 8, 2006: Had allergy test which left me loopy from all the histamine reaction. Sister had her gall bladder removed (she’s recovering fine, thanks), missed Pissup Night due to stress and low funds. Cleaned the hell out of the house, started packing for the move.

June 9, 2006: Cleaned the hell out of the house, started packing for the move.

June 10, 2006: Cleaned the hell out of the house, packed for the move.

June 11, 2006: Cleaned the hell out of the house, packed for the move.

June 13, 2006: 1pm Gynecology appointment whereby I presented my entire george history. Came out of the appointment with instructions to return on June 21st for surgery consultation! ABOUT FREAKIN TIME!!!
Came home, zoomed to realtor’s office to sign the papers on the new place and hand over some cash.
Then I was supposed to go meet a friend at a coffeehouse, but instead, I was hypoglycemic and therefore emotional and forgetful, so I went home and had a meltdown. My friend called and I felt terrible. Rescheduled, though.

June 14, 2005: spent half the day studying for interview on Thursday, then the rest of the day packing the house up.

June 15, 2006: Got up, started to panic about Jury Duty on the 28th. Also panicked about money transfer expected today for the new home. Also nervous about interview today.
Boyfriend wants to have a sale in the pool room, so I look at the calendar and realise that the only weekend to do this is June 24…CRAP I FORGOT TO RESERVE IT….

(Ok just called and reserved it.)

…Around 11am, I realise I don’t have any slacks that fit anymore, so I panicked. I checked my bank account again and the money had transferred through from my remote savings to my local bank account. I ran to a department store, opened store credit, bought some slacks and a blouse, and ran to the bank and cut a cashier’s check for the rest of the money owed (leaving me with $166 to my name until the state unemployment check arrives). Zoomed back home, changed into new clothes, zoomed to realtor, dropped off the rental agreement and the remaining monies owed, and zoomed off to job interview.

I’m not sure, but I think I got the job….I’ll find out on Tuesday when Nice Lady said she’d call, so more on that later.

Got back into town, calmed down, and drove the speed limit. Went to the library and dropped off a book that’s 2 days overdue (oops). Then went to Walgreen’s to see if they still had the boxes I said I’d pick up at noon (before I had a panic attack over interview clothing and promptly forgot about boxes). Waited a few minutes while they tried to find the guy who was collecting boxes…they found the boxes, yay! I haven’t even unfolded them to see how big they are, yet, but…boxes, yay!

Then I got back on IRC and told my impatient friends and boyfriend about the jobness.

Now, I’m drinking 2 shots of Cruzan rum, remembering to breathe, and trying to mellow out before tackling more packing.

Oh, and tonight is Pissup Night. Everyone’s meeting at the German restaurant.
The very expensive German restaurant.
*sigh*
A friend just wrote to say that she’d buy me a beer if I show up.
*sigh*
I can’t have beer on this damned diet.

I can, however, load up my boyfriend’s flask full of rum and head over there.

Hmmm.

Yes, I know I promised to stop drinking (again).

As soon as I learn how to deal with stress, perhaps I’d adhere to that promise.

10:24pm Edit: I just wanted to let ya’ll know that I DID go to the bar and I DID BYOB DIY PUNK ROCK OI OI.

3 more shots of Cruzan and now I’m 3 sheets to the wind…
wheee! I feel MUCH better now.
There were six of us sitting outside the Speisekammer. It started out mellow and of course got louder as the Mass kept arriving for my friends. I kept up nicely with my stuff.

I rode my bicycle there and back, which is a total of just over 4 miles (6km). On my way there, the Bay looked SO blue. I had been near tears after receiving a letter from my cousin (who has end stage hepatitis C). He’d written about how my boyfriend’s band had influenced him. His writing is the same way he speaks; stream-of-conscience, raw, emotional, no bullshit. It was the thing that broke me finally, after everything today. His letter stated that he enjoys every minute to its fullest, not knowing when his last day will be, trying to make things right before he dies, and he thanked me for being the only family who still loves him, knowing that our kind puts out all this love and always gets shit on in return…

Not wanting to spend the evening sobbing, I tearfully gathered my bicycle and bag, poured my rum into an empty Vitamin Water™ bottle, mixed it with some water and ice, left a note in case I was out very late, and set off.
As I rode down the bike path, that’s when I saw just how amazingly blue the water was. I’d made a similar comment about the sky early just this morning – that it was as blue as the tarp that covers our bicycles on the balcony, and what a pretty day it was. I could smell the sea in the air, and I thanked my lucky stars that I fulfilled a childhood promise to myself and moved out of Michigan, and now live in California, 2500 miles across country. Nine years this month, I’ve been out here. Geez though, I can’t remember if it was the 14th or the 21st that we arrived at our new home in California.

I thought of my cousin during the ride, knowing that he too lives near the sea, albeit he’s on the Atlantic ocean and I’m on the Pacific ocean. But he can go out to see the ocean at any time and walk along the beach. I need to write that in my next letter to him, to remind him to do this more often, if he’s been neglecting such beauty.

On my ride back home, I regretted never having taken night rides on my bicycle until now. The bike path is there all year long, and I’ve only ever used it during the daytime.
As I rode, I was reminded of the night rides I used to take on the other side of the Bay, when I lived in San Mateo. gods, it’s been eight years since that time.
Eight years and life was SO different back then. I was mid-twenties but still just a kid. Still going to the nightclubs in the middle of the week with my pals dhog, Danyeke and Blark.
We’ve all left our ghosts back there on that side of the Bay, still doing our thing back in some time warp.

I’m not making sense anymore, and I’m becoming emotional again. Ahhh booze.

Time for more water.

Anyway, the bike path is still accessible. I’m still going to be living on the island, only a mile and a half (2km?) from where I live now. I just won’t be able to access the bike path right outside my door anymore.

3 Responses to “GAAAHHHH”

  1. Chase

    No need to feel terrible.

    It’s all about the love sunshine.

  2. zept

    Aww, thanks Chase!
    *mush*

  3. Heather

    Rum, rum rum. You’re such a pirate.
    Remember drinking rum and coke out of a two liter at my mom’s house with Michelle?

    On your next ride, please bring a camera and take a picture of the blue for me. I love the dusk and haven’t seen the bay at dusk in a while.

    I feel so bad for your dad. Losing friends SUCKS.

    Our ghosts are also driving around Detroit on Devils Night. It’s a good thing we don’t run into them, ya know?