Panic attack

Woke up this morning and george still wasn’t here, so I had a panic attack.
Called in sick to work.

Called my doctor again. She called back by 10am and told me it’s no problem that george is late. I had thought I needed to be completely off my cycle by the time surgery happened. She said not so. She said unless I’m having major surgery, they can work around it. She told me not to worry about it, and the surgery date is still on.
I pushed further and asked if it’s too late to request the tubal ligation. She told me not at all – she’ll throw it in and it only takes a couple more minutes of her time, tops.

I nearly cried and thanked her profusely.

I’ve waited so many years to have this granted to me. All these years I’ve had shitty or no health insurance. With HMO insurance, doctors don’t take risks. They consider a woman wanting a laparoscopy to be too expensive or a risk. They are afraid of lawsuits so they deny women hysterectomies and tubal ligations.

But that’s all different, now. I have a PPO insurance through my boyfriend’s workplace. I’m covered as his domestic partner. And they will LET me have my surgery.

Health care in this country is like an abusive parent or spouse, I swear. I’ve been beat up all these years, and now at long last, I am under the wing of what feels like a renegade underground woman doctor (because I’m convinced that the medical industry is still run by men). So I cower and I cringe and I’m not sure if I should trust, but she’s LETTING me have surgery and so far, the Industry is going along with it.

So when george decided to be late this month, I FREAKED out. DON’T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME! I’VE WORKED SO HARD FOR THIS!

And I had a meltdown.

Goddamned men.

And now, I’m having cramps and another hellish hypoglycemic attack, even though I just ate eggs with cheese and mushrooms and chives.

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