Post-op, Day 7 – long day

I spent the day on the couch or in bed and not much else. My legs are now jittery because of inactivity for most of the day. I have been in a state of constant napping all day long, as my body is that worn out.
The throbbing ovarian pain stuck with me for most of the day, combined with bouts of anal pain – as though george was here. All that was missing was the blood to go with the ovarian and anal pain. I even had some minor uterine cramps throughout the day.

Today’s setback is the very first since surgery, and was quite demoralising. But I had all damned day to be in my head about this setback – to analyse and pick it apart.

I went online and began seeking out stories of post-op depression. It’s a real thing. I will fight it as hard as I can. I have popped some vitamins already. I also keep seeking out stories of other women with Endometriosis and my latest find is on a site curiously named endo-resolved.com, which at this time I find a little too optimistic, considering the multitudes of womens’ stories within!

The stories I read frustrate me greatly. Some mirror my own experience with family, doctors and society in the “it’s just part of being a woman, deal with it” category. Other stories make me wonder why more women don’t seek out as many resources as possible to educate themselves on all the latest research on Endometriosis and laparoscopy to know what precisely they are getting themselves into.
This is where I’m at – I’ll fall asleep at the keyboard and wake up and resume my research to find out what’s next in the healing process, and what bumps I’ll run into along the way.

I’m not looking forward to another setback.

But thanks to the stories of others, I know there will be another setback. And now I know it may likely be normal as the body heals – but I may just *think* it’s bad at the time.

Before this setback hit, I already knew a few things:

  1. The Endo WILL grow back.
  2. I can treat the Endo with more surgeries or pain meds or holistic healing methods or birth control pills or a combination of all of the above.
  3. It will be at least three menstrual cycles before I start feeling like the surgery helped me.

What I didn’t know is that I could ovulate already. I simply didn’t think about it, otherwise it would have been an obvious fact. But I overlooked it.

If I was overly emotional the week before surgery, I’m twice that now post-op, after having had my girl parts moved around, poked at, burned at and cut at.
That’s a hormone-rich environment in those parts, and the sediment has been disturbed.

I got really angry at my boyfriend today, but I stayed with it and analysed it and didn’t let myself fly off the handle with rage – something I would have done in past relationships in a younger age. I hung up on him and didn’t answer his callbacks. That on the surface seems petty but really I had nothing positive to say so I wanted to leave it unsaid. There’d be more hurt if I spoke an angry mind.

By the time he came home from work (he’d left an hour early for me), I no longer felt the need to lash out. I explained why I needed him by my side today, and he understood.

I feel like I need to start an educational site for people who think they have Endometriosis, wherein I list all the resources I have studied over the years. Will I just be another site floating aimlessly out there? Aren’t there enough websites with even better info than I might have to offer?
How can I reach all those poor girls and women who are still being told to this day that they’re overreacting or that the pain is all part of being a woman?

So there it is – I’m all emotional and on a soapbox and ranting. I turned my day of despair into a crusade for others – at least in my head – for now.

I’m already designing the website, fliers and pamphlets in my head.

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