What Friday held for me

Friday I maintained all day at work, despite two cow-orkers whispering negativity to me all day about how much they hate that place and want to quit or worry about being fired.

In my weekly one-on-one meeting with my boss, she described why one of our cow-orkers was fired on Tuesday. Apparently, the woman was warned multiple times to stop being up to a half an hour late to work, and they caught her slacking off by popping her screen – they listened in on a call and discovered she was letting a customer go on about their life story (some customers are lonely and just call support to babble) while she in turn watched youtube videos.
Uh, that’s grounds enough for firing, yeah. So I didn’t feel mad about the firing at all after being told the reasons behind it. There is no purge going on, contrary to what the other cow-orkers think. They’re only worried about their own jobs because it wasn’t this locked down before and they’re revolting against the establishment. I understand this. I’ve been in places where the rules changed and I revolted so much that I got fired for it.

However, when I got to this place, things were already Big Brother, so I’m just following those rules as though they always existed. I’m not happy about it, but I’ve gained perspective where these people have not. In the last 12 months, I’ve worked for two shithole places for very shitty pay (four and a half dollars above the minimum wage of $6.75/hr, okay? When I was used to making $25/hr). And both places were ghetto neighborhoods, with screaming ambulances on a daily basis, and a battering happening right outside the doorstep in one instance.
So although miserable, I’m going to play ball. And these cow-orkers are starting to think I’m a Stepford person by all this smiling and nodding, now. But they don’t know where I’ve been recently or where I come from way back.

So Friday during the one-on-one with my boss, she told me yet again how happy she is with my performance, how I don’t have to worry about being on a call for more than 6 minutes because they know I resolve the issues, and how the director of support himself values me and doesn’t want to lose me.

Well! That’s the boost I needed. I’ll continue to play ball. I need the friggin paycheck. And now I’ve also inadvertently gained the appreciation of a few guy cow-orkers who stay very late on a regular basis to make sure the work is finished properly. They want to go out drinkin with me.

The friggin paycheck. Ugh. Lemme go into detail on that for a second, since during my last breakdown, I discussed going on disability. This would also mean living on my man’s paycheck. We had discussed this together, and he said he could do it if it was necessary. By that, he means he’d rather not, but compared to me causing harm to myself, he’d support me for a time until I was well again.
Now, just buying food and paying medical bills, utility bills and rent for me is one thing, but I’m also in debt (only $5K, which is far below the U.S. average per individual). My debt ain’t gonna pay itself. There’s no one gonna come take care of that for me. My man could support me if I wasn’t able to support myself but the debt part … that would take a financial toll on even his paycheck cuz he has his own debt. He’s not rich. He makes $17/hr more than I do currently, but he’s still not making six figures by any stretch.
Besides, as I told both my man and a group of friends recently, I’d rather kill myself than be dependent on someone financially. Hence my reference to ‘reset button’ back on March 26th.

So, by Friday my mood stabilised and I also got a morale boost by my boss. So that’s good. It tides me over. I think I’m going to continue taking the Yasmin at the new time because I’ve not had another breakdown since switching to taking it on lunch hour.

That same day, one of my cow-orkers begged me to meet her on break so she could talk to me. She laid out her plan to quit the job before another job was lined up – just like another one of our cow-orkers did the Friday before. I tried to talk her down but she’s got her mind made up and is willing to live off of a $25K credit card!!!! That’s a terrifying thought, to be in that much debt. That’s three times the U.S. citizen individual average debt. Not saying my cow-orker would let her card max out, but still – why entertain the thought?
Now, having said that, I myself have entertained the thought. I tried finding a card with more than $5K available on it just a few months ago and failed. I did however get a credit card with $2K available. This was my emergency credit card – in case I needed it to pay my medical bills. Thankfully, I’ve been able to pay my medical bills off (over $600 so far) relating to the surgery (the insurance covered most of the $19K surgery, but I still had my deductable and misc charges to pay).

But I digress. Going back to my cow-orker…I tried to talk her down but it won’t work. I fear she’ll quit before the end of this week. This will contribute to the downward spiral in morale already out on the floor. The other woman who’s been venting to me about job stress is likely to go ballistic. I mean, she’s already talking shit louder and louder and not caring – as evidenced by her bomb comment on Thursday.
I have to continue to maintain during the shakeup at this job… I have to continue my mantra that I came up with last year: “This does not belong to you. This is not yours. This is not your responsibility. This does not belong to you.” I have to keep remembering that their shit is their shit and to not take it on as my own.

I can do this.

To sum, in all, Friday was a good day for me at work.

I left work and went straight to a sporting goods store, and bought a pair of roller skates! YEAH! I’ve been talking about it for years and now I finally found the exact colour I’ve been looking for!
I got home and my man and I went out to dinner at a local Thai joint. Mmmm, pad thai with grilled shrimp…

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