The state of work

I missed work on Wednesday, and my boss was not happy that I was taking another paid day off.

I went in to work on Thursday, due to my father’s voice in my head, “go to work even if you have to crawl in” – because I am afraid of losing my job because I do not have enough money in savings to live off of for even one month should I become unemployed.

At 1:42pm on Thursday, I messaged my boss:

(13:42:12) Me: despite having taken medication twice today, the pain is ramping up again. do you know if [the ticket tracking system] *can* work with a Mac and then i could work on mails from home? otherwise, i don’t know what to tell you if i can’t finish out the day.
(there was mandatory overtime going on on both Thursday and Friday again)

(13:43:50) My boss: I tried using the Mac downstairs and it doesn’t work with it.. lemme talk to [the director of support] and see what we can do

(13:44:24) Me: thx

(13:44:51) My boss: You said you have a dr appt tomorrow?

(13:45:23) Me: yeah unless they give me my test results over the phone today. but so far no call from them. i can reschedule if i have to.

(13:45:50) Me: it’s not related to the current pain issue. it’s ongoing for my back issue (which is preventative, hasn’t been an issue)

(13:47:13) My boss: ahhh.. ok.. that’s fine.. so about the pain issue, is there anything that can be done to prevent it or something that can help?

(13:50:33 – notice the time lapse because i was too stunned to reply) My boss: I just worry because you only have 1/2 day PTO left for this quarter, and you have a big vacation in october that you want to take. It would suck if you used up all of your PTO because you aren’t feeling well.

(13:55:17) Me: there is nothing that can be done to prevent the pain. it’s an incurable disease of the uterine tissue. surgery didn’t help it. hormonal treatment made me psycho and i almost didn’t make it. what’s left is pain management, which means pills and yoga and whatever i can do to ease the pain. the pain is with me. it’s part of my disease.

(13:55:32) Me: the PTO i am not worried about. i will take unpaid time after the PTO expires.

(13:55:45) Me: the only problem lies with whether [the company] wants that.

(13:56:01) Me: [the company] knew i had a health issue that i was going in to surgery for. i was open about it.

(13:56:06) Me: they chose to hire me.
(13:56:13) Me: *shrug*

(14:00:51) My boss: I see. Well, I’ll talk to [the director of support] about the OT situation. Let me know if you need to leave before you can complete your tickets. As for the pain, I’ll talk to [the director of support] about it again, since we don’t want it to effect your job here and we want to accomodate as much as we can. Thanks.

On Friday, the team meetings and one-on-one meetings with the management were re-instituted, and I wondered if I would be fired for having a health issue, just like the book scanning job was going to do with me before I found out about their plan and quit rather than be humiliated.

When I went in to have the one-on-one meeting, my boss said she’d talked my health issues over with the director of support, and she offered that I could use the family leave option to take a month off of work, and i quote, “to heal yourself”.

My jaw dropped. Has this dolt not been listening to me? Did she not plainly see my chat comments on Thursday, in which I wrote very clearly, “it’s an incurable disease”???

I composed myself and told her again. I described the treatments I’ve had to date. I went into detail for the first time about the hormone treatment and how I came this close to being committed involuntarily to a mental institution because of the hormones, and that this is the second time in my life that I’d tried hormone treatment and had the same mental health reaction.
I told my boss that my only options are more surgery and pain management, and I spelled out what pain management means, and told her again that the pain cannot for the most part be prevented.

She told me she’ll have to talk to the director of support again, and she hoped I understood their predicament in this. I replied with, “yes, I know, you have a department to run and absences are intolerable.” She nodded.

Still, she let me know that I’m one of the top three performers in the department, and she told me that they will at least try to accomodate my issue, but told me I must understand if it does not work out. I told her I understood.

So that’s where it’s at, folks. I have no idea, this being an at-will company in an at-will state, if there’d be a lawsuit I could pursue for discrimination. That’s their lovely out.
Besides, filing a lawsuit would mean I WANT to be retained at that fecking company. And trust me, I don’t want to be retained.

My boss told me in so many words that visiting my family in October for two weeks is now out of the question because I’ve used up all my paid time off. I wasn’t troubled by it – I won’t BE at that company come October.

I came home and had a serious talk with my man. We’ll be combing our finances and creating a budget to see if he could support me with a part-time job or no job at all, because I’m tired of going through this HR issue with every company I work for.

Thank the gods for my man – I love him SO much.

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