pre-emptive move

I felt crappy on Monday and Tuesday.
Tuesday was even moreso, with the uterine pain and the sloshy feeling inside growing more intense with the commute in to work. My shift started at 8am and I just barely made it before a ‘tardy’ could be declared, because traffic sucked on the way in again.

After fighting traffic and uterine pain, then I sugar crashed. This, after having eaten a full breakfast, consisting of two eggs, two gluten-free waffles, and gluten-free rice milk. I don’t eat eggs very often anymore since the gallbladder pain I had last month, but I was tired of sausage or flax shakes or tuna pate as my breakfast options. I felt dizzy and nauseated and headachey – classic symptoms of the sugar crash feeling. I hadn’t had any wheat, so it must be sugar crash, which ALWAYS happens right before george. I’d been crashing even after full meals at breakfast and lunch for the past few days. This happened around 9am.

And then, george showed up by about 9:30am. The cramps began setting in, thankfully not at warp speed this time, so I pulled my new boss aside and asked for a word.
We went into an empty meeting room and I told her what I go through each month, how it’s being handled by HR, and that it was time for me to go. Told her I’ll likely be out for two days because of the pain. She sounded really supportive and actually even angry on my behalf, for the way HR has been treating me, making me get a doctor’s note each time. She then told me that she went out on maternity leave twice during her employment with this company, and both times she had to FIGHT to get the pay owed her according to the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) – and that this company fought her both times in having to pay out, and did so reluctantly.
WHY the hell would she stay at this company? I’m so sorry to hear her story, because the woman who is now out on maternity leave, the one who broke out in hives in front of me while panicking one day – she was RIGHT and JUSTIFIED in her paranoia surrounding the FMLA. And now she too will have to fight to get the money owed her. All because she wanted to procreate.

So, sucks to say it but it’s good to know that I’m not alone in the harrassment. I’m not singled out.

I got home from work by around 11:30am yesterday and took my medication. I spent the rest of the day in the usual drug haze, with a heating bad on my lower back and another one on my pelvic area. I was stubborn though and couldn’t lay down – was too fidgety – so my pain lasted that much longer as a result, and my entire back felt like it was locked up from steeling against the pain all day.

Eh, good thing I didn’t go in to work today, either. It’s the first rain and traffic is screwed. I’d have been late to work, anyway. Check out the speed limit on south-bound 880 – it’s only 25MPH right now:
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I’m actually feeling pretty good right now, but I’m nearly over feeling guilty about work. I’m not beating myself up over it. I acknowledge consciously that although I’m not in pain at the moment, I made the right choice by staying home because it is likely, given the consistency in my pain cycle, that I will be in grave pain today, and I don’t want to be at work when it does happen, because the ride home would be grueling and I’d be crying. Been there, done that. Multiple times in the past ten years.

Oh, on the forgetting note:
Monday night, I RSVP’d with my health counselor to meet her after work on Tuesday. Tuesday night came around and I was lying on the bed with a sore lower back due to george when she came knocking at the door. Whoops. I forgot. Although I really must blame this on the pain meds and medical condition rather than on just all out forgetting. So I’ve forgiven myself. Good thing the health counselor was understanding, too. Good thing she only lives next door.

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