I feel like I’ve spent the day waiting for george to show up, and thusly, I feel like the day was wasted.

I wanted to go bike riding, but I didn’t want to jeopardize my strength and energy – didn’t want to detract from the reserves for cleaning house, which is very important to me right before spending one to three days bedridden.
I put away more Halloween stuff…mind you, our home is Halloween year-round, but some stuff is *just* for the weeks before Halloween only, such as the six-foot tall hanging skeleton-ghost, the faux body parts, and the strobe lights. Otherwise, our house would just be too messy with all that stuff hanging about on top of everything else.

I walked a block to the mailbox and sent off the unemployment reply mail (weekly correspondance that has to be replied to in order to maintain benefits). I cleaned out and organised three bathroom drawers like I’ve been needing to do. I did dishes. I did laundry. I looked for a job and applied to companies. I had a phone interview with ADP today (and immediately failed it because I can’t lift 50 lbs all day every day as per their requirements). I called my friend in the mental hospital and chatted with him for a bit. I talked to both of my parents by phone today and provided tech support to my dad.

So I did a lot today. Despite all that, I watched the hours tick by slowly. Watched the sun blaze its path across the sky. Watched the shadows grow longer. Waiting for the pain to arrive – to just get it on and get it over with.

I hate that. And yet, I can’t seem to control the behaviour once it sets in. I wander around in what feels like a daze, like I’m pleading with the universe, “Can’t we just get this overwith now?” How ’bout now? Now?

And then there he was. George arrived around 6pm and the pain followed within the hour. I delayed taking medication because I wanted to see if the pills I was prescribed by my acupuncturist would do the trick.
Well, not this time around, anyway. Maybe next time.

…ahhh, lovely. The drugs kicked in. My brain is getting fuzzy. Hopefully the pain will subside now, too.

So the aforementioned drugs:
I’ve been taking Chinese herbal medication that my acupuncturist gave me on the last visit a couple weeks ago. Problem is, I’m supposed to have been taking 24 pills a day, and I keep forgetting (go figure). So I’m more like 8 – 16 pills a day, but then around Halloween time I forgot altogether.
In short, I was supposed to be taking these pills religiously up til menstruation because it’s supposed to ease the pain.

There are eleven herbs in each tiny pill:

Pretty neat. I’ll keep taking the pills and we’ll see if I notice anything next month or the month after. I will get better at taking the pills. What else have I got to lose at this point?

I have this big ‘ol rant against allowing doctors to further poison my body and mind with synthetic hormones as a way to “treat” Endometriosis, but I may have given you that rant already. I will play the cards I was dealt in a manner that best befits my overall health and well-being, thank you.

And now, I’m too drugged to continue. That’s what’s great about the drugs – it forces me to take to bed because otherwise I’d just not go. I dread the bed. I will not see the sun rise or set in the next two days because of being bedridden. But it is necessary.

It is necessary and I hate it so much. That’s where the drugs help the most because it keeps me konked out and oblivious. If only the drugs didn’t slowly kill my liver and kidneys in the process. Too late. Been 21 years of that already…

All right, I’m going.


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