george report and nightmare

I refused to take another Dilaudid pill yesterday after my last journal entry. I successfully distracted myself via computer and talking with my cousin on the phone, and the Ibu eventually set in and the pain subsided.

This morning was fine for me, aside from waking up from a bad dream. I had no pain, so I went and deposited my 2nd to last unemployment check, and picked up some groceries. Well, the guy who packed the groceries put all the heavies into one bag! So I had to rearrange stuff between the two bags. That was my downfall, I think – carrying groceries to the car and from the car to the house. Not long after I got home, the pain and bleeding ramped up again. I did the whole routine again for an hour and a half – only take the 600mg Ibuprofen… and just do the exercises and Qigong.

I conceded defeat around 1:15pm and popped 1mg Dilaudid. It’s just now kicking in and the pain is fading.

In my dream this morning, I was with my man and it was morning time before work. We were both running late for work, but stopped at a bakery. I got a palm-sized cake for one made entirely of frosting because I can’t have gluten. I was really excited about being so naughty with all that sugar. It tasted so good!

We got out into the parking lot and a guy we cut out of our lives six years ago drove up in some sporty car and offered us a ride to work. B got into the front seat and I got into the back seat. The guy’s wallet was atop a black bag in the floor of the back seat, with his wallet open and a huge wad of money showing. As soon as I saw this, my first thought was, “That asshole. As soon as we get out of his car, he’s going to accuse us of stealing his money and start a huge war again.” That’s the kind of asshole this guy is in real life.
So before we even got out of the parking lot, I told him to stop, and that my car was right over there, in the back corner of the lot, and I’d just drive myself to work. My man turned around and said, “are you sure?” and I told him yes. I’m sure, and I got out of the car.

I started towards my car, but this is where the dream gets fuzzy. Next thing I know, I’m carrying a skateboard and it’s my only transportation to work, and I’m late. I take out my cell phone and with phone in left hand, skateboard in right, I dial using my left thumb. I can’t reach my workplace – the reception is bad (the reception is ALWAYS bad in my dreams).

So I started skating off on my board, and was embarrassed by how bad I was on the skateboard? Where’s my car? I’m too old for a skateboard!
But seeing as how I had a skateboard, I may as well skate it, and skate it well. So in that regard, I altered my dream and was able to skate WELL from that point on. I did this by looking back at my board in my hand again, and seeing that the front truck was misaligned. That’s why I was skating badly. Not because I didn’t know how. So I did my best to adjust the truck and the wheels by hand, since I didn’t have any tools on me, and put the board back down and took off skating.

I skated for minutes, and realised I had gone the wrong way. I was now in San Francisco, near the DNA Lounge. Only, the DNA Lounge had a huge parking lot, then a restaurant and another parking lot, and then a forest off in front of it, instead of more urban landscape. I went to skate towards the DNA but realised the parking lot had just been repaved, so now I’m screwing up my board with the slick oily crap they’ve just applied to the lot. I grab my board and wipe the wheels off on my clothes, not thinking. Now I’m late for work AND filthy. I keep walking towards the DNA, on a little hill of grass alongside the parking lot, and make my way onto a sidewalk. I keep thinking I need to call work to tell them screw it, I won’t be in today, but I’m afraid of getting in trouble.

I get to the front of the DNA Lounge to see that it’s closed. What was I thinking? It’s daytime, of course it’s closed! So I turn back around and walk towards the way I came. This time, the parking lot is dry, so I throw the board down and skate across the empty lot with ease. The pavement is so nice and smooth now that it’s been paved. I glide effortlessly and with speed.
I get to the other side, which has an embankment of grass separating the one lot from the restaurant’s lot, and I jump off my board onto the embankment. My board catches up to me and hits the embankment and flies up, and I catch it and continue walking.

There’s a trail in front of or alongside of the restaurant, and it is lined with pine and oak trees. There’s pine needles on the worn dirt path. I walk the path because I know my car is parked in a clearing in the field behind the restaurant.

As I am walking up the path, I see three young men – perhaps late teens, early twenties. I approach them but they’re standing in the way, so I say excuse me and keep walking, and brush past them. As I do so, I realise that I’ve just walked into a drug deal. I still have my phone in my left hand, and I’m still trying to dial my workplace but I haven’t been able to get through, yet.

Ok, ok, don’t panic, keep walking, I don’t care, they can do and deal drugs, not my business or my problem. But I know THEY never think that way about people who walk in on their business.

So I’m walking and I hear footsteps behind me. I can still hear two of the other guys in the distance, still on the trail, talking. I pick up my pace, and so does the person behind me. I turn my head and it’s one of the guys from the path, and his pace quickens until he’s right up on my ass, almost next to me. I tell him with an irritated voice that he can go around, there’s plenty of space, and he’s in MY space, and to back off. He doesn’t say a word.
I then spin around and clock him with my board and scream at him to leave me the f**k alone, I just want to get to my car.

This of course pisses him off, and I run for my car. He runs at me, and now his friends are running up at me, too. I look down at my phone, still in my left hand, and try to dial my man for help as I also try to get into my car. I get my car door open as the guys all pile in on me. I try to WILL the phone to dial my man, and I scream at the guys WHAT DO YOU WANT! I’M JUST TRYING TO GET TO MY F***ING CAR!

They say bluntly that they want to kill me, and the dream ends with me trying to close my car door and not being able to.

I woke up and bolted from bed, looking for my man. He’d not left for work yet, so I gave him a big hug and told him about the dream.

Now, the contents of the dream…. I had a skateboard because I just took one of those Internet quizzes – “how girly are you” – and I scored 8% girly. The icon had a girl with a skateboard. Add that to the fact that in real life as a teenager, I had a skateboard made of parts from my brother’s and his friends’ skateboards, and we had a halfpipe in the back yard, so I did a little bit of skating in my day. Not much, but still. And so this entered my dream because of the quiz I’d taken recently.

The cake and frosting is because we’re starting to look at bakers for our wedding cake.

The fear of being late for work is because of my real life fears of having to go back to work, and of fearing that I’ll not get my assigned stuff done on time for my online business.

The guy who we don’t talk to anymore – no idea why HE was in my dream, but he can get the hell out.

I’m also not sure about the parking lot, the DNA Lounge or the guys trying to kill me, as well as the field and dirt path… Let’s look it up in a dream dictionary:

To dream that your body or your clothes are dirty, might indicate an illness – you should get a medical checkup. If you dream of being in dirty or messy surroundings, it is a positive omen meaning whatever is worrying you will soon come to an orderly conclusion.

If you dream of walking down a quiet path, you have patience and a clear mind. If your path is blocked in a dream, you need to take more time to think about the consequences of recent actions.

Parking Lot
To dream that you are in parking lot suggests you need to slow down and take some time to relax.

Lush green trees in your dreams symbolize new hopes, growth and desires.

Dreams that feature forests signify exploring the unconscious mind for clues to waking problems.

-A dream of giving or selling drugs suggests that you have some dishonesty around you – rethink who your current friends are.
-If your dream featured someone else who possessed drugs or took drugs, it is telling you to stop drifting and take a more positive role in your life.

Intense violence in dreams usually suggests a need for control and a fear of losing power in a real life situation.

If you dream that you attack someone, your ill-mood and temper may cause harm to another. You feel that you have been wronged in real life. To dream that you are being attacked by someone suggests that you are feeling stressed, vulnerable and helpless, or facing difficult changes, in real life.

To dream that you are late for something represents your fear of change and your nervousness about seizing an opportunity. You may feel unready or unworthy in your current circumstances. You may also be conflicted with decisions about your future.

To dream that you are skateboarding, indicates the ups and downs of some emotional situation or relationship. If you zip along with no crashes in your dream, it means you have the strength and energy to achieve your goals in life.

Junk Food
If you see or eat junk food in your dream, this symbolizes your overindulgent behavior.

If you can’t reach someone on the phone in a dream, you must listen to your inner voice more closely for your life to move on the way it should.

If you dream of eating cake, you will have success in an upcoming endeavor.

Yeah, that about sums it all up for me. I’m afraid to give up control of trying to get my web business running by having to go back to work for someone else. I don’t want to go back to work but for me to ultimately become successful, I need to let this happen. I can go back to work part time and still work on my business. I will become successful. I just need to stop dicking around and get more disciplined.
I can do this. My brother did it. He can do it, I can do it.

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