A bit of PTSD to go with the pain

I’d be worried about my employment were I not mostly self employed.

The daycare agency I work for seems to only call me in to work when I’m already on my way to the nanny job or when I’m sick from the Endometriosis a few days each month.

The agency just called me and asked how I’m doing. I said, “actually, I’m not well today.”

The woman on the phone exclaimed “I knew it! Every time I need you you are not available!”

Were this my only job, I’d be in that headspace – I’d have The Fear of being fired again because of my illness.

Prior to getting work on my own as a nanny, this agency was only calling me once per month when a substitute teacher was needed, ever since the daycare from hell discharged me for whistle blowing. Maybe it was intentional that the agency no longer had work for me. Maybe substitute work really is hard to come by in all the Bay Area daycares. I dunno. In any case, if you’re going to call me to work only once per month, chances are you might run into the Downtime – you might reach me when I’m bedridden from the Endometriosis.

Let me state for the record that I have near 100% accuracy in predicting when I will be bedridden each month, because the illness is tied to my menstrual cycle, which has a history of appearing on time every 26 days. So again, if the agency only calls me in once a month, they might run into the Downtime. If they do this often enough, they have me refusing work more than three months a year, and they then consider me high risk – unreliable – not worthy of retaining as an employee.

And that would place me back in the same emotional position I was in with the dotcom that fired me for missing 1-3 days of work each month. I’d be afraid constantly of ‘will this be the month they fire me?’

But the agency is no longer my only job. So emotionally, I finally have the upper hand.

I have also covered my ass by sending the agency documentation of my illness and a schedule of when I am ill through September. After the woman at the agency had her hissy fit, I asked her if she lost the schedule and if she needs me to resend it. She told me no, she has it in her email and even printed it out, but then lost it and decided to call me up when a sub was needed today, as it was the quicker thing to do rather than dig through her email again. *rolls eyes*

Also in that email I had sent the agency, as of mid-September, I have asked the agency to deactivate me as a substitute teacher, as I will have full time nanny work. The agency is only there as a very loose safety net (not that they have been reliable for me as stated above, but any work is good work should I need it and not be too ill to work should something happen to the nanny position).

So again, I have the upper hand.

But when I hear, “I knew it! Every time I need you you are not available!”, it does tend to dredge up some of the PTSD I suffered from the dotcom, which harrassed me on a weekly basis for eight months before going through with their threats of firing me for ‘violating’ their attendance policy.

While I am happy that I was able to complete my work week before getting sick, I am sad that I now lose my weekend to the illness.

Have extra fun this weekend for me! I will be back strong again in about five days to come out and play.

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