Angry with people denying me access

First I am denied access to a radiologist by my current GYN. I *still* have not gotten a call back from that bitch. It’s been a week and a half out of six so far. I believe she should have sent me to a radiologist right then and there. I continue to believe that she will make me wait the full six weeks before referring me.

So I tried going online through my husband’s insurance carrier to find a specialist. I have to register. Ok fine. But no username I picked would please the damned website. So I tried calling the insurance carrier. After navigating the automated phone tree, I was dumped into a void – no sound – but the call was still connected. After a couple of minutes, I hung up in anger.

Anger.

I am mad. I am mad a lot, lately.

I am convinced the anger is a reaction to the fecking cyst pressing on my fecking ovary and/or uterus and messing with my entire emotional state. Lord knows how long this bastard has been growing… let’s look up how long it takes for one of these things to develop.

…well I started this journal entry at 1:34pm on November 18, 2008, and the research took longer than anticipated. I often look up stuff while journaling. But the baby I care for woke up and now I’m back on the job. More later.

November 19, 2008
I still have not been able to determine how long it takes for a cyst to develop and grow to 4cm in size. All the websites I’ve looked at tell me an ovarian cyst starts at one cycle and may continue to grow, but so far I’ve not found any sort of growth rate discussion.
So I have no idea – the cyst could have started last January for all I know, and grown bigger over time as my stress level increased. Most sites I’ve looked at tell me that stress is a huge factor in the creation of painful ovarian cysts, along with having Endometriosis.

Another thing that made me very angry while researching yesterday:
I did a google keyword search for “ovarian cyst psychological”. Two titles caught my eye: “The Only Proven Cures for Ovarian Cysts” and “Complex Ovarian Cyst – Causes and Risks”. Turns out, when you click through, the first one is at buzzle.com and the second one is at ezinearticles.com, but both lead to another click – directing me to that which both sites are quoting from. As soon as I landed on this website, I knew by the layout that it was an ad pitch. I knew that I was not going to be happy by the time I got to the bottom of the page, but I started reading, anyway, in case I could glean any new education about ovarian cysts.

OF COURSE I WAS WRONG.

The website does a really good job of citing piercingly accurate statements about what is going on with one who has ovarian cysts. This draws one in further, because she can totally identify. I found myself saying “YES! Exactly!” at different points on the page, while still remaining skeptical that the author would give any actual ADVICE away. I was right. The author kept referring to info she found out over time from publicly available documents in libraries and such as SECRETS. At the end of the article was her pitch for an e-book, which costs $39, which would reveal these so-called secrets.

I became enraged.

I have a website called Living With Endometriosis, which is a compilation of publicly available information as I discover it, to help others out there with Endometriosis. Sure, I spend hours and days of my life to research this information for free, but it is firstly hours well spent to educate MYSELF in order to try to heal or treat ME.
There is nobody out there who is going to pay me for researching stuff that will help me. The nice thing to do once I have this information, is not to keep it to myself, but to share it with others.

FOR FREE.

BECAUSE I GOT THE INFORMATION I SHARE FOR FREE.

That’s the splendor of the Internet, folks – sharing information freely.

Not so with this Mary Parker woman, who is obviously a selfish, greedy bitch. Anyone who has a website design like that is selling snake oil.

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