I Will Not Suffer In Silence

Just thought I’d update you since my last post 2 days ago…

My current symptoms:

• Sneezing
• alternating runny/stuffed nose
• small dry cough
• yellow phlegm
• headache that comes and goes
• light sensitivity
• clogged ears again

I have all the same symptoms I listed in the last post, except for the eye pain – it’s not as stabby as it was… and the major fatigue, although I’m forcing myself to rest right now. I’m in bed with the laptop.

I was let out of work early today because both the mother and the baby are sick. The mother was home from work yesterday with a cough so severe that she couldn’t sleep, and would have tears streaming down her face from the force of the cough. She went to the doctor today and was told she has a brewing sinus infection, and was put on antibiotics. She said her doctor felt her face, pushed on her sinuses and they were very sensitive to the touch. She has a good doctor. I want a good doctor like that! But now I know to lightly push on my sinuses and see if they hurt next time I feel like I’m getting a sinus infection.
The baby has a fever. When I got in, I was told she had a 99.8°F temp and to just monitor it. The baby is likely teething so it’s no surprise. Over the next hour and a half, the baby’s temp rose to 101 and kept going til it hit 101.9°F, and she began coughing. At that point, I discussed calling it quits for the day, since the mom was already home. She agreed and I got let out at 1:30pm.
Because I was tending to the feverish baby, who naturally couldn’t nap very well on account of feeling craptacular and coughing, I didn’t get to eat lunch. I got a monster headache that started to brew around 11:30am and got really intense by the time I left at 1:30pm. Now I usually eat my lunch when the baby goes down for her second nap, anytime from 1-2pm. So I shouldn’t have had the hunger headache that I did, especially considering that I’d eaten my normal amount of breakfast food when I got to work instead of at home before work.

Eh, in any case, could be hunger-related or it could be a sinus headache. I ate when I got home, and took 600mg of ibuprofen. I’m in bed on the laptop and will be napping shortly.

I know I’m still germ-phobic and still wondering why the hell I went back to childcare if I’m germ-phobic. I think the germ phobia started when I worked in daycare the first time around, and was sick every month for an entire year. Although I know part of my germ-phobia is due to the fact that I’ve always, since childhood, gotten sick quicker and had it last longer than ‘healthy’ people. And yet, the stress I get over my germ-phobia pales in comparison to the stress I had working those long years for corporate entities.

<SOAPBOX> Don’t get me wrong – despite the health issues, I still get huge satisfaction out of working with children. It’s a rewarding job to see a tiny human learning and doing right before your very eyes, catching on that they’re grasping something new, and getting so excited that they’re mastering something. The idea that the entire world is theirs for the taking – unlimited opportunities before them… To see that in a child’s eyes, you can’t tell me working anywhere else is better than this. Before the harsh cruel world tries to sink its teeth into the young and tries to tell them who can and cannot succeed because of gender, race, orientation or belief, the young still have the innocent truth in their heads that the entire world is there to support them and that they can accomplish anything they want to. And I’m there to see this truth in their eyes, and to help encourage this trend, and to bolster their confidence so they have a fighting chance. The first person I ever saw the need to help in this way was my chosen sister. I don’t take credit for how she turned out – I am just proud that she took what I offered and made herself grow and blossom into somebody wonderful. </SOAPBOX>

In an update to yesterday’s post:

The company that harrassed me and discriminated against me and refused to make reasonable accomodations for me, and who fired me for missing 1-3 days of work per month on account of a chronic, incurable, congenital stage III illness (Endometriosis) told me yesterday that they’d get my 1099 tax form out to me sometime in February. If I recall, the woman had told me mid-February, but don’t quote me on that. In any case, today they called me back.

They said that this year, they were told that since January 31 falls on a weekend, they have until February 2 to postmark 1099 and W2 tax forms in the mail.

I told them they’re full of shit and that if the 31st falls on a weekend, they need to get the tax forms out BEFORE then. I threatened to call my lawyer. I shit you not, I was told to update my lawyer on the current news that they have until Feb 2. However, they told me that since I’m so insistent, they’ll get my 1099 in the mail today.

I then went to H&R Block on the way home from work today and asked, “Since January 31st falls on a weekend, when technically do tax forms have to be in the mail to employees?” I was told regardless of weekend, all forms must be in the hands of employees NO LATER THAN JANUARY 31…BY LAW.

The company is in the wrong and I once again am right. They will always be in the wrong, because of what they did to me, and the fact that the federal and state authorities agreed with me, and the fact that the company settled rather than go to court. So there’s no amount of their bullshit they can dish at me that I will just take without a raging fight. I rest confidently and guilt-free in the FACT that this company is wrong, I am right, and I will be victorious.

I just wish this goddamned company would finally learn its lesson so I don’t have to get flashbacks and the whole PTSD going on every time I have to interact with them.
I can only hope that with receiving and filing the 1099 form, ALL of it is officially behind me, and I can get on with my life.

I am SO MAD!!!

I’ve been wondering where the hell my 1099 tax form is from the company that fired me in October, 2007 for having Endometriosis. I took them to the labor board and the company settled. Now I have to file a 1099 but HELLO they’ve not gotten it to me, yet.

(Note to my friends: if you know what company I’m talking about, DO NOT NAME THEM BECAUSE THIS WILL SCREW ME LEGALLY)

I tried to get ahold of them last week but couldn’t get a live person or even connect because somehow the place was operating on phone tree labyrinth.

Today I tried again and got through to the secretary (perhaps she was out last week and that’s why the phone tree labyrinth of do0m?). She patched me through to H.R., who had to check with Finance. Got a call back a bit later and was told I’ll get my 1099 sometime in February. I said, “What?!? Isn’t that a bit late?” and I was told sorry, that’s how they do it there.

So I consulted with my current employer and my husband, who all said tax forms have to be sent to employees no later than January 31st by law.

And the interwebs concur: “The returns must be filed with the IRS by the end of February immediately following the year for which the income items or other proceeds are paid. Copies of the returns must be sent to payees, however, by the end of January.”

So I called back and asked for the Finance department. I was patched through to voicemail. I left a message telling them they have until January 31st by law to send me my 1099 and to contact me ASAP. Tomorrow I’ll be calling the labor board again to see if this is still their jurisdiction or not.

And so after that, all I can say is, the PTSD returned. My back is locked up, I’m having flashbacks to how I was treated for seven months before my illegal firing, and goddammit I thought I had all their bullshit behind me!

Gah.

Well I had two good days it seems of feeling better from being sick and from being on george.

I was on antibiotics from Friday, January 16th til Tuesday, January 20th. I got george on Monday, January 19th, which lasted til Friday, January 23rd. The pain however was over a day earlier, on Thursday.

So I had manic energy and felt great on Friday, January 23rd and Saturday, January 24th. My husband and I hung out with two friends on Friday, and hung out with 14 people for a birthday dinner on Saturday.
By Saturday morning, my throat was scratchy, and I chalked it up to having been around all the cigarette smoke on Friday.

(Sidenote: my gods, if I can’t handle the cigarette smoke blowing back in from a balcony from one person, I’m going to DIE in the U.K. on our honeymoon!)

However, by Sunday, I had a continuous runny nose, sneezing, and yellow sinus gunk all over again. What the hell!

I checked LiveJournal on Sunday and found out that a friend I’d sat next to the night before? She’d come down with the stomach flu.

She posted on LiveJournal on Monday that her entire family was now barfing several times and miserable from the stomach flu.

Last night, I got home from work after a full day of sneezing, runny nose, fatigue and baby watching, and just went to bed. I slept from about 7:45pm – 5:45am.

I just asked my friends who I saw on Friday if they’ve been sick – nope – they say they feel fine.

So because I already had a scratchy throat before even seeing my friends at dinner Saturday night, my re-infection probably happened via my workplace (the mother, the father, the baby or all three) or via my husband as a carrier (either through his workplace or through his bandmates).
It likely wasn’t helped by sitting next to a friend with developing flu, or across from another friend who still has a huge hacking cough and was on her 2nd round with pink eye that night…

Last possibility: I never had a bacterial sinus infection at all – and the antibiotics were useless – and this is just a continuation of what I already had.

SEE? THIS is why I need competent doctors to give thorough examination of me to rule out what I do and don’t have, instead of looking at me from across a room and declaring whether or not I have whichever illness!!! GAH.

In any case, my current symptoms:

• Sneezing
• alternating runny/stuffed nose
• small dry cough
• yellow phlegm
• headache that comes and goes
• eye pain and light sensitivity
• clogged ears again
• major fatigue

Many of my friends have had this virus since Thanksgiving. That’s two months!!!

I hate winter.

Today I had a consultation with a new doctor at the local family practice.

After not being treated right by another doctor there, I had gone ahead and requested a new doctor be appointed as my primary. However, I wanted to interview him, first.

I indicated that I have an autoimmune disorder, and noted it as Endometriosis. I described the illnesses which I believe to be tied in my autoimmune disorder:

• Acute Pancreatitis (1992)
• Allergies (my entire life)
• Stage III Endometriosis (pain since onset of menses in 1985, diagnosis in 2007)

I told the doctor that I need a special care plan so that a primary doctor can be the anchor to all the specialists that I have (endocrinologist, allergist, gynecologist, immunologist). I need for all these doctors to talk to each other and for all their findings about me to be placed centrally with my primary family doctor.

So after all the things I told him, and after glancing at the medical history on me that I printed out regarding the bullet points above, this doctor disagreed with me, saying he does not believe I have an autoimmune disorder, and cited his 20 years of experience as a medical doctor to just sit there, look at me today, and make his judgement

OH.

OKAY.

I SEE.

“High rates of autoimmune and endocrine disorders, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and atopic diseases among women with endometriosis: a survey analysis” – Human Reproduction, 2002

“Multiple endometrial antigens are targeted in autoimmune endometriosis,” – Reproductive Medicine Online, June, 2008

“Human endometriosis is associated with plasma cells and overexpression of B lymphocyte stimulator,” – Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, July, 2007

Gee doc, I guess you’re right. I don’t have an autoimmune disorder. In fact, I don’t even have Stage III Endometriosis. It’s all in my head, just like my momma and all the doctors in my teen years told me.

I guess I should just shut the hell up – it’s just part of being a woman after all.

…

I printed out all three of those research articles above and mailed it to my doctor for additional documentation to add to my file. But I don’t have hope that he’ll come around and be the anchor to all the specialists that I so desperately need. So now I’m on the hunt for an entirely new family doctor’s office.

And boy am I pissed off.

Today I’m back to work, but george has been buggin me.

Yesterday, I was told I could stay home from work because the substitute nanny they’d gotten could do two straight days. It’s a good thing I stayed home, too. I was fine from the time I woke at 8am until 12pm.

During the morning, I had not stayed bedridden, but I had not exerted myself, nor did I fall to any cravings or any forbidden foods. I sorted paperwork while standing for a bit, because I was so tired of being on my butt and/or my back. Even before the pain hit on Monday at 5am, I’d spent Saturday and Sunday in bed for much of the day because I was severely exhausted, either from george or from the antibiotics or both.

Noon on the dot yesterday, george returned with a gush and then the searing pain. I took 800mg Ibuprofen and a whole Tylenol 3.

George faded again by around 6:30pm, and I spotted for the rest of the night. Our neighbor swung by and took me and my husband to her friend’s house after 8pm, and we watched the season premiere of Lost, season 5. I am HOOKED on that show! LOVE it.

Though the bleeding subsided, I was left with a very tender pelvic area all night. This left me worried, wondering if the severe pain was going to return again, wondering if all that pelvic tenderness was clots because I spent so much time bedridden. I swear, my pelvic region felt like it did after surgery – super tender to the touch right above the pubic line, and sloshy/bloated feeling. This cycle, I also had pain in the urinary tract, which I rarely get, even though endometriosis is on the bladder. I’m thinking that was caused by the antibiotics. I have forgotten for the past two days to take my probiotic pill to balance out what the antibiotic is wiping out of my system in order to have cured the sinus infection (which is all cleared up now btw and antibiotics are all done).

Today I returned to work. My body was fine again until 12pm. The low back pain hit, first. I was sitting on the couch watching the baby empty out her toybox, and I bent forward to interact with her and OW! sudden sharp pain in the lower back, on the left side. It’s a deep pain, not a superficial strain pain. It’s the pain I always get with george. As soon as that pain hit, I knew the pelvic pain would be next. I looked at the clock, remarking aloud that it was probably noon, and sure enough, 12:02pm.

WHAT THE HELL.

I remember years ago, I was so confounded by this 24-hour (and sometimes 12-hour) prompt returning of symptoms, that I checked ocean tides to see if my body was following those. I may have even looked at the lunar cycle at some point in my life, too.
Alas, none of it matched up. I’m guessing my body has its own tide, in accordance with hormones or something.

I popped 800mg as soon as the pelvic pain followed the back pain. I started spotting a little heavier.
Thankfully, the pain and bleeding did not ramp up further than a 3 on the Mankoski Pain Scale, and the Ibuprofen seems to have done the trick in beating back what pain there was.

I slept for much of the day again. Today is the last day of antibiotics, so hopefully tomorrow I will not be so tired. I’m still a stuck pig and popping Tylenol 3 every four hours, which contributes to the fatigue. I have gone a maximum of about 40 minutes with minimal pain before it ramps up again to about a 7 on the pain scale.

I am now wondering if the shrimp in the pad thai I ate last night was also to blame for my horrific cramps. I spent part of today trying to find a definitive connection between shellfish and endometriosis. The only thing I found was shellfish and dioxin. Well, dioxin is one of the things that can cause endometriosis.
I was told a few years ago by my masseuse, who also has endo, to stay away from shellfish because they too easily accumulate dioxins.

2009 is the year I finally listen.

And eggs – yeah I’m gonna have to stop eating pad thai when I’m menstruating cuz of the eggs. But I’m not yet convinced that I should be giving up pad thai for good. :p

SO. This year’s diet modification in the name of lessening/halting the endometriosis pain:

• Severely reduce butter consumption (only use when called for in recipes but stop adding it to waffles, pancakes, mashed potatoes, yams, etc…)
• Don’t eat pad thai around the time of menstruation or ask for it to be made without the eggs
• Only eat chicken and hen for meat sources, all others are FIRED
• Get through one year without drinking any alcohol (so far so good, 20 days dry)

And this is on top of my current No Fly List…haha oh wait, shellfish was already on the list! Hi…I need reminding…

Oh, I posted the video from last night, by the way.

Around 9:30-10pm tonight, I was sitting on the couch watching TV with my husband when the pain set in again. Only this time, it was far worse than the pain I’d had all day.

Going by the Mankoski Pain Scale, I was a 7 all day. But tonight, it reached 8.5.

All day, I’d gotten by with Motrin and half a Tylenol 3 at regular dose intervals. But tonight when the pain reached 8.5, I took a full Tylenol 3, did the ‘child’s pose’ yoga pose, stretched my back, did my breathing exercises… none of it helped.

It wasn’t until I took a second Tylenol 3 that the pain slowly diminished. Normally I’d be passed out by now but I’m left with jaw clenching from all the codeine. Not good for my old TMJ problem (going back to the head injury in the car accident in ’94).

My husband wondered if I might be developing a tolerance to the Tylenol 3.

How?

I only take it once a month for a few days at a time. And today, I was stoned silly on just half a Tylenol 3 every 4 hours.

I hope he’s not right.

In any case, the pain finally went away. The bleeding ramped up but not by a lot during the pain spike.

I put myself in all my pain moment on video. First time I did that. I’ll post the video tomorrow.

The reason for the pain spike? I am wondering now if it was the eggs that were mixed into the pad thai I had for dinner. I tried to pick the egg bits out but I probably didn’t get them all.

Last time I ate eggs while menstruating – I had them sunny side up and ate them for dinner – this was in April, 2008 – and I ended up on the floor screaming in pain and had to be taken to E.R..

I’ve got an egg allergy that normally leaves me with racing heart and panic feelings. But when combined with endometriosis flareup, it makes for much danger.

That’s all I can think caused the pain spike tonight. Tiny bits of egg.

As of today, I have videos about Endometriosis on both Yahoo Video and YouTube.

The Yahoo video url is
http://video.yahoo.com/mypage?s=5484120&public=1

The YouTube url is
http://www.youtube.com/user/stephlwe

The username on both is ‘stephlwe’ which stands for ‘Steph Living With Endometriosis’, to tie it to my Living With Endometriosis website.

I’ve been so tired that I’ve slept through most of the weekend.

On Saturday, I didn’t get up for the day until 1:30pm, and I kept falling back to sleep throughout the day. I was very fatigued even at a friend’s birthday party later that night.

Same thing yesterday (on Sunday) – although I woke up at 9am to take my antibiotics, I kept having to nap throughout the day. I believe the fatigue is more a side effect of the antibiotics coupled with premenstrual fatigue which has made me this tired.
I had moderate uterine cramping throughout the day yesterday, starting when I woke up, so I was perturbed when I didn’t see any bleeding yesterday.

George was due on Sunday, but didn’t arrive until 5am today (Monday).

I’d like to state for the record though that when the bleeding did start, it was NOT dark brown dirty blood. It was normal red. This is the first time in about a year that I had normal red blood upon start of menstruation.

Is it the cuttlefish ink (Sepia) I’m taking, which I was prescribed from a homeopathy specialist?

Is it the fact that I’ve not had any alcoholic beverages since January 1, 2009?

Is it the fact that I’ve reduced the amount of butter I eat?

Is it all of the above?

Since I’m bedridden with pain, bleeding and fatigue today, I called in sick to work for tomorrow. I may also need to call in sick Wednesday. Today was a holiday for Martin Luther King Jr. Day, so I didn’t have to feel bad/guilty about calling in sick today.

This month, I had uterine cramps for a full 6 days before the start of my period, and the pain was bad enough to warrant having to take 800mg Ibuprofen. The pain was centered mostly in the lower uterus, near the bladder, since that’s where the Endo is most damning (my surgeon couldn’t remove the endo there, back in February 2007 without risk of damaging my bladder). I also experienced ovarian pain on both sides up to a week before bleeding.

This morning, I cleaned the catbox, emptied the trash, washed some dishes and did two loads of laundry in a successful game of ‘chicken’ against the advancing pain. I was able to do all this before the pain forced me to take Tylenol 3 and then become bedridden. This success led to me feeling more at ease once the pain set in, instead of feeling guilty and upset for not lending towards a clean home.

The only thing I did wrong this time around was I did not have any pre-made meals ready for myself once the downtime hit. So my husband was the one who had to go to the grocery, and he’ll be bringing us some Thai food for dinner tonight so I don’t have to prepare anything. I love my husband. :)

I do have cornish hens thawing in the fridge, so that’s good.