I Will Not Suffer In Silence

I forgot to follow up on the disability thing. I tried to file for state and federal (Social Security) disability on March 16 and 17 respectively. I was turned down over the phone by state and got a rejection letter in the mail from federal after being grilled for an hour and a half by phone by them.

I am not shocked, nor surprised.

Today was the New Moon. I spent the day cleaning house (cuz even housecleaning stopped happening in the past month) and only putting healthy food in my body. I moved about calmly and deliberately and tried to remember to breathe and not feel so overwhelmed by life in general.

In general, I’m really bitter right now that I’m having pain again, not just pain mind you but continual pain. Before my surgery, I experienced moderate pain and fatigue up to two weeks before menses every month. Surgery brought that down to a few days before menses. This gave me back a week and a half of my life every month for two years until November 7, 2008, when complications from a bad ovarian cyst took hold, which left me debilitated for all of November. I experienced nine good days in December (not consecutive), then had a much better month both in January and February.

Now, something’s up again. Something is wrong. It’s not ovarian pain. It’s not a cyst.

At time of surgery, some endo was found right near the bladder. It was cauterised instead of cut out because the surgeon was afraid she’d puncture my bladder. Cauterising the surface tissue does nothing for the disease that’s deeper in. I know the endometriosis is growing and spreading again.
On top of getting pain two weeks before menses again, I’m now getting lots of bladder issues (frequent need to urinate but can’t, feeling of urinary tract infection (UTI) coming on). I’ve only had six good days this month (not consecutive). If a UTI were coming on, I’d have had it already. I used to get them all the time as a child (now known by endo experts as a possible early warning sign of endometriosis).

My annual gyn visit is in one month. I’m sick of doctors telling me I’m too pre-emptive with stuff, even though it turns out I’m usually right. But I’m going to wait on this one. I’m going to keep gathering evidence over on ReliefInsite.com and through my calendar and journal, and present it at my appointment, and demand my urine be checked for blood to rule out endo perforating the bladder. I’m going to get it definitively on paper how far my uterus is tipped (an ultrasound tech in December told me I have a tipped uterus but didn’t note it). I’m going to get it ruled out if possible if either A) endo pulled my uterus that way like it had done to my ovaries and/or B) the tipped uterus accounts for some of my pelvic pain (depending on how far tipped it is). If the discomfort worsens or doesn’t otherwise improve, I’m going to first rule out UTI and then demand Interstitial cystitis (IC) be ruled out, too. This means I will have to go for a cystoscopy and will have to have my potassium levels checked. My friend, who has IC, says he is confident that I do not have it. This of course reassures me greatly.

I spent time today reading about pH Balancing, and decided after seeing several websites advertising supplements for balancing, that I should just go down to the local hippy store and see what they have on tap. I came home with some pH strips and supplements for pH balancing. My first urine strip at 8pm came out to 7.5, which is in the high end of the normal range. I forgot to do the saliva test so I’ll do that later.

 

I also bought more goat milk yoghurt and flax oil, and will be starting up the Budwig Diet again (I let it lapse because I got tired of putting effort into food prep, but I must accept that’s my life, now).

Last night, I got to meet one of my husband’s high school friends whom he just reconnected with (it’s our 20-year anniversary this year, so classmates are popping up all over the place). She’s a physical trainer, and showed me some pelvic strengthening exercises.

Today I set calendar alerts on my cell phone to remind me to take my supplements, because I’ve fallen behind on that again, too.

I need to also set calendar alerts to remind me to do Qigong and Chi Nei Tsang every day, and the exercises my hubby’s friend showed me. I’ve been doing it when I remember, it’s not like I’m not doing it at all, but still.

I have a sneaking suspicion that after about three days of all these alerts going off, I’m going to become Edie in AbFab, throw the phone out the window, and scream GIVE ME BACK MY LIFE!!!

Stay tuned…

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 26th, 2009 at 8:47 pm and is filed under Depression, Diet, Endometriosis, Ovarian cysts, Pain Management. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.