I Will Not Suffer In Silence

I normally type in this blog when I’m bedridden from the endometriosis, when I’m reporting about a doctor, or when I’m chronicling my body’s reaction to foods and/or meds.

However, this evening I would like to talk about what my life is like when I’m not in debilitating pain!

A week ago last Wednesday was the last of the endometriosis pain for a few weeks. Since that time, I’ve been bicycling to work, which is a two-mile round trip. I pedaled on Friday, September 11, Tuesday, September 15, and today.

Several years ago, I used to bicycle 17-35 miles all in one go, once a week. I stopped doing that after I had laparoscopic surgery to diagnose me with endometriosis in 2007. That same year, I lost my bicycling buddy (she got married and moved away). Since that time, I’ve not had the motivation to continue biking, and I feel bad about that. It did take a few months after surgery before I even began to feel healthy again, but still. I should have gotten right back on the bike.

Anyway, I biked to work on the 11th despite heavy fatigue from the last of my painful cycle. On the 14th I did not bike to work, because I had a dermatology appointment to drive to immediately after work. I would have pedaled were it not for that appointment. That afternoon however I did have some pelvic pain, so that would have sucked while biking anyway.

Now that I work very close to where I live, I can bike to work. So when my body allows it, I pedal two miles a day round trip, and it’s hard work until I build up all my muscle and stamina again. There aren’t even any hills right where I live – it’s flat! Alas, it takes time to build myself back up. Which brings me to the next statement –

Today I bicycled FOUR miles!

I forgot a portion of my lunch at home today, so on lunch break I pedaled back home to get the rest of my lunch, then pedaled back to work. It took 20 minutes to go 2 miles with a quick pit stop.
Now get this – back when I was an avid cyclist, I could go 7 miles in 20 minutes, INCLUDING hills.

This of course is a personal challenge – to get back to where I used to be as a cyclist.

Next week is already going to be one week pre-menstrual again. I’m not looking forward to it. So far this month, I will have about 10-13 days all told of feeling healthy and vibrant before the symptoms return and I get all worn down, heavy fatigue, PMS, cramping and then the bedridden again. I’ve already used up two of those 13 days. I sigh heavily but then resolve to live the next 11 days as well as I can, and enjoy life the best that I can, until the darkness falls once more.

People who don’t have chronic issues can’t understand the darkness – the severe depression that comes with not being able to leave the house for two or more days at a time. This statement does not apply to just chronic PAIN, but to all types of chronic illness. If you have a chronic issue that prevents you from living your life for two or more days each month, you know you are a soldier and that I march right along with you.

Live when you can, and breathe patience when you cannot, but don’t ever give up.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 16th, 2009 at 6:21 pm and is filed under Exercise, Guilt, Inspiration. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.