The past three days

On Monday September 28, I woke with very very slight spotting, but feeling like a mack truck had run over me. I attempted to call in sick an hour before the start of my shift, but couldn’t reach anyone. After talking with the director, I agreed to come in for a half day, which for me is 3 hours.
I got to work and immediately popped 400mg of Advil liqui-gels. The low back pain and occasional stabbing uterine pain had me walking like a little old lady all morning. As I was cleaning up my classroom at 11am, I slowly picked up a full bucket of water and cried out in pain from the stress it put on my pelvic muscles. My eyes welled with tears and I set the bucket down, whimpering.
I let the bucket sit and told my co-teacher I could not lift it. I went about closing up other parts of the classroom, which entails putting plastic sheeting over the shelves to keep dust and dirt off of the classroom materials, since we’re an outdoor classroom. As I neared one of the shelves with a plastic sheet, I tripped over it. The act of me trying to catch myself mid-stumble set off my pelvic pain anew. I about started crying, and declared out loud that I was definitely done for the day, and that my previous guilt and doubts could now shut the hell up.
I went home and spent the rest of the day on the couch medicated on Tylenol 3 and Ibuprofen. I went to bed that night freezing cold, so I put the heating pad on and rotated it from my feet to my thighs to my pelvis and back to feet again until I warmed up. I think the house was 68°F to 70°F but of course my hormones thwack my core temp regulation.

On Tuesday, September 29, I woke feeling fine. I got ready for work, ate my breakfast, and marveled that I was not in pain, though I was still spotting. I was pleased that I didn’t have to call in sick.
However, just as I was about to go out the door, I was seized with full body hot flash, hypoglycemic attack, and nausea. The spotting increased and was dark brown in colour, whereas on Monday it had been brownish/pink.

I tried to call substitute teachers to fill in for me but since it was half an hour before the start of my shift, I could not reach anyone in that short of time. I left messages and went to work, anyway, taking a wait-and-see attitude, thinking maybe the pain would not get too bad. I popped 400mg of Advil liqui-gels as soon as I got to work. The director was shocked to see me after I’d gone home in such pain the day before. She talked to me about her daughter, who also suffers from bad menstrual cramps. She told me how her daughter says she gets a numb like feeling in her upper thighs/tops of legs, and that’s how she knows the pain will be bad. I explained to my director that there’s a whole mess of nerves in the pelvic region, and that when pain flares up, these nerves become irritated – these are the same nerves that also travel down the legs, and so the pain travels, too:


She said her daughter often vomits from the pain, and that it lasts only the first day of her cycle, and then she’s alright. My director further added that she too used to vomit from the pain and only had it really bad on the first day.

The pain for me abated, and I was able to get through an entire morning just fine! However, when the last students left my room at 11am, I realised I was very hungry. I began snacking before the lunch rush – three classes of children come outside to have lunch around 11:30am, and I turn into part of the lunch crew. So I snacked a bit and then the nausea started. Oh no, I thought, the pain can’t be far behind. A hot flash followed the nausea, and the spotting increased with some pain, but I stuck it out, and the pain again subsided. I made it through an entire day of work. I came home and still had good energy, which lasted into the evening. I picked my husband up from the BART station and we went to dinner, even. I felt energetic and cheerful and enjoyed every minute. The pain didn’t return again until around 9:30pm, at which point I put myself to bed.

I got up this morning and wanted to cry. The pelvic pain has so far been dull, achey and minimal, but my emotions are seriously fubar, so if anything, today was needed off work as a mental health day, anyway.

For the past several days, I’ve been doing the large hip circles I mentioned last month, because it helps me stave off the pain.

I got back in touch with my Qigong practitioner to see if she’s teaching Qigong class again – she’s not. Says no one is showing enough interest to justify it. But what about one-on-one sessions? Meh.
She wants to perform Chi Nei Tsang on me again, though. I will do that and another Liver/Gallbladder cleanse, which is a dietary program which lasts for a month.

I’ve also gotten back in touch with my masseuse, and requested regular sessions with her, citing that the muscle memory in regards to the chronic pain is getting beyond my control to manage, and I need her help. She’s more than happy to see me. She wrestled with endo for years before finally giving in and getting a hysterectomy. She found that the pain didn’t stop, and realised her muscles still held the memory of the pain. She had to train her muscles to let go of that. It took years, but she succeeded.

So that’s where it’s at.

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