Motivational dream

This morning before waking, I had a dream that I was back in time, working at the daycare in Michigan. I had been off work bedridden with endometriosis when a friend stopped by to chat.

I realised that this friend had also been grade school buddies with another friend of mine, whom I happened to work with, and who was filling in for me at work that day, so I convinced my visiting friend to drive me to the daycare so she could see where I worked.

We got there and found the teacher assisting some children. I walked slowly and with difficulty up to the teacher to introduce her to my other friend. As soon as she turned and saw my friend, they both lit up and hugged and it was a reunion of grade school buddies again. The teacher filling in for me was my friend Rain. I don’t know who the other woman was.

While the two old friends chatted, I went to the back of the class and sat down uncomfortably due to the endometriosis pain, holding onto my pelvis the entire time. I was on medication and a bit fuzzy. Children and co-workers alike began asking what I was doing there. The director and/or assistant director saw me and made offhand commentary about how I didn’t look sick, and wondered aloud why I came in at all, after I had earlier called in sick. They were not discreet at all in their accusatory tones that I was faking my illness.

This of course pissed me off, and I found myself trying to explain to co-workers what endometriosis is and how it affects each woman differently. I tried to defend myself by my glassy eyes and told them I was on too many pain meds to be able to work, but I really wanted to reunite two friends that day.

Talk about bad timing – I could have waited to do this and not jeopardized my employment.

I think at one point the children were at recess and I finally had to tell my friend to take me back home, because I could no longer handle all the accusing glares I was getting. I shuffled out of the workplace, still holding my pelvic region, the pain having subsided, but still on pain medication. I felt completely like a liar and a fake, despite how very real my situation is, because I had no VISIBLE way to defend myself other than this shambling and holding that I was doing.

I got back home and sat down on my couch, clearing some of the clutter from my coffee table, and said aloud what I had been thinking the whole time I was at work that day – “I need to create some sort of picture book to show people exactly what a woman with endometriosis goes through.”

And then I woke up, and I was in pain – low back pain and minor pelvic pain – a combination from sitting on the couch for long hours doing homework yesterday, and having been intimate that night.

I don’t have enough shit on my plate right now, so why not add a picture book to the queue?

Here is my call out to anyone with endometriosis reading this blog entry – CREATE YOUR OWN PICTURE BOOK and add it to my eventual voice. The more books and the more personal stories out there – published and in book stores – tangible rather than web logs – the better.


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