Bad pain cycle

There are two kinds of Bad Endometriosis Pain for me; there’s gnawing, droning pain that won’t let up, which leads me to throw in the towel from whatever activity I’m doing (being at work, being out with friends or husband) and go home and hop into bed. This pain is not usually enough to make me cry. I will whine, I will bitch, I will take Ibuprofen first, then half a Tylenol 3 if the pain is still gnawing 30 minutes later, then take the other half of the Tylenol 3 if the pain is still droning 20 minutes later. I’m usually able to sit up in bed and hang out with a book or browse web on the laptop. Getting out of bed, even to go to the bathroom, stirs the hornet’s nest and brings more pain and bleeding. This type of pain leaves me pretty fatigued – between the pain and the medication, I will spend much of the day napping.

Then there’s the other kind of bad pain; the gaping-mouthed, wide-eyed pain. The tears streaming down my face pain. This pain either comes on suddenly or starts off like the other pain, but then ramps up to mouth-gaping pain within a matter of minutes. This pain leaves me immediately disoriented, and as a result I stagger about, trying to figure out what to do. “Do I eat something first, before taking my meds? Do I chance the stomachache by taking meds on an empty stomach? If I do eat first, what can I eat quickly? Do I take the Ibuprofen first, then the Tylenol 3, just to prove to the goddamned doctors that I’m not drug-seeking and using up my supply of Tylenol 3?”
This can go on for minutes, while the pain is ravaging my body, until I collapse in a heap on the floor or on the bed, sobbing at the inability to make a simple decision for myself. Sometimes my husband is right there and will get the meds for me. Sometimes my managers are there if this happens at work, and they will order me to take the meds and sit down for a moment. I was driven home by a manager back in October.
Most of the time, however, it’s just me, alone, with no one to help or advocate for me when the sudden debilitating pain hits. It is during those times that I end up in agony for longer than I should be in, all because of being too disoriented from the pain to know what to do in time.

This morning, I went through the second type of Bad Pain.

The pain woke me before my alarm went off. The pain was about a 6 on the pain scale, and yet I did not take any pain meds. I wanted more sleep before my alarm went off. I didn’t want to take pain meds on an empty stomach. So I went back to bed and whimpered in pain for the next half hour, until my alarm went off. When my alarm did go off, I realised the pain was increasing. I set the alarm for an hour later at 7:30am, so I could call in sick to work. I opted to take my Chinese herbs and then went back to bed. The pain seemed to oscillate. When my alarm went off again, I was already awake again from the pain. Getting out of bed was a huge mistake, as the pain ramped up immediately to the gaping-mouth sort of pain. I used the bathroom, then crawled back into bed and sat on all fours, ass in the air, trying to calm the pain. This whole cycle so far has given me a lot of pain in the back of the pelvis, as opposed to the usual frontal pain. In this position, I called all the necessary people at work to let them know I would not be in today. My voice wavered and I was near tears.
Then I had to get out of bed again to get some food in my belly so that I could take Tylenol 3.
I rifled through the cupboards and the refrigerator before settling on a YoBaby yoghurt (I like the banana flavour). As I was getting a spoon for the yoghurt, the pain became so intense that I began crying. My husband was in the kitchen, getting ready for work, and just stopped what he was doing to stare at me in worried shock. He’s not seen the pain this bad in awhile. Hell, I’ve not had pain this bad in awhile. For the last few months, my pain has been of the first-described sort of pain – the “screw this, I’m throwing in the towel for the day, this hurts” type of pain…not the can’t talk, can only cry type of pain.

I took my yoghurt to the bathroom with me, and ate while sobbing and sitting on the pot. How fun.
Turns out I was constipated yet again (not through the pain meds, I’m usually constipated), and since all my pain has been in the back of the pelvis this time around, the constipation hugely irritated the endometriosis situation. I breathed and stretched and massaged my sides – all while crying from the pain, mind you – and finally had a movement.
The pelvic pain began to subside immediately, but I was left totally exhausted by the ordeal. I finished my yoghurt and took a Tylenol 3, because I do not know whether the pain will ramp up again.

It has taken me two hours to write this journal entry so far, because of constantly having to get up, change position, use the bathroom again (flow is really heavy right now), and cat nap from exhaustion and the effect of the meds. In that time, two doctors have also called me back – I now have appointments with a new gynecologist and a pain management specialist.
In my next post, I’m going to rattle off all the doctors I’ve seen for endometriosis, and whether they’ve helped me or not, and why I’m no longer seeing those doctors. In the past, I didn’t want to name names for fear of treading on libelous ground. But seriously, if a doctor has not helped me, they’ve not helped me. It’s not libel if I just report the facts and observations without resorting to name-calling and whatnot. There are some I really am still angry at, but I’ll just have to abstain from obscenities. :p

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