Second Laparoscopy: Day 36 to 44

This is going to be a long journal entry, possibly with fragmented notes, because I am getting tired of trying to make time for translating my raw notes into narrative and posting one day at a time. ;)

Before I get into the rough notes running log of recovery time, I have to note that four mantras have had to be repeated to myself during this surgery’s recovery:

  • This surgery recovery could not possibly track exactly as last time, because this time my mesentery was bumped with surgical instruments, and I also received a fourth incision.
  • This surgery recovery could not possibly track exactly as last time, because I got my period on time five days after surgery.
  • This surgery recovery could not possibly track exactly as last time, because last time, I was put on Yasmin two weeks into my recovery time.
  • This surgery recovery could not possibly track exactly as last time, because last time, I did not have endometriomas on both ovaries.

Keeping all that in mind was/is difficult, and I have often been impatient during this recovery.

And now, the running log….

Day 36
Saturday, January 22, 2011

I feel like my old self again after my period. The period still felt as painful as it always is, but it’s only a month post-op. I HAVE to keep thinking that once I’m all healed up inside, that the surgery will have provided benefit.
I had Thai food for dinner. Mmmmmm!

I had phoned one of my head teachers on Thursday to set up a meeting with them on re-entering the class next week, and was told she and the other teacher would do a conference call with me on Friday.

On Friday, I got a voicemail saying I need to talk to the Director if I have any questions. Whaaa?

So today I called the Director at home and she reminded me that I’ll be moved to a different classroom when I return to work. I told her that she and my intern supervisor had been bantering the idea around, but I had no idea it was official, now. She sounded incredulous that I would not remember. I was incredulous that she was incredulous, because I’m sure there was never an official say-so to me. It was all phone convo, so no proof for either side of the story.

Further, I was asked if I had my release for return to work signed by my physician. Whaaa?
I replied that I had submitted my time-off request back in October or November, and that should have taken care of everything. I was told nope, I need to have a signed release from my doctor before I can return to work. I panicked inside – it was Saturday afternoon – my regular doc and surgeon were not in the office, so there was no way I’d be returning to work on Monday!! I let the director know this, and she said to just get the note in as soon as I can, then.

Oh well, extra day off work, I guess. :/

Day 37
Sunday, January 23, 2011

8pm: Whoa. The director of the school I work for just called and said not to come in tomorrow and possibly this week at all cuz there’s a nasty bug going around! She’s out sick with barely a voice, and so is my head teacher! Gonna check back tomorrow afternoon, hopefully will have my lab results by then, too.

10pm: Just made Budwig Butter(TM), and now I’m grinding seeds – all to have ready-to-eat now that I’ll be going back to work after a month off. Time to get serious about the dietary changes I promised I’d adhere to after surgery! For one, I’ve been pesco-vegetarian for nearly a month!

Day 38
Monday, January 24, 2011

Got up at 6:30am, ate breakfast, prepared lunch bag, put internship binder into bike bag with lunch and my med kit, finished getting dressed and doing hair, and walked out the door. Test run to see if I can walk to work and back.
Results: it’s a mile walk each way, carrying a 12lb bicycle saddle bag which converts to an open shoulder bag. I was exhausted when I got to my destination, and was glad I didn’t actually have to report to work this morning.

This just in: I’m seriously frustrated. A certain someone went back on their words and insisted they never said what they said. I’m totally going to tape every conversation from now on. I was just lectured that I was never told not to come in to work. I can’t come in anyway, I still don’t have the release notes from my doctor and surgeon. SO frustrated. Anxiety level super high right now.

I ended up spending the rest of Day 38 in bed, and had a crying spell in between long naps. I think the children’s Benadryl that I had taken that morning was partially responsible for making me so tired and moody to the point of crying. The other thing was having walked so far with the 12lb bag on my shoulder. I used to take children’s Benadryl every day before work because of how allergy-ridden the place is for me, and because I had some notion in my head that it would help ward against the chemical onslaught of perfumed children, staff and parents.

Day 39
Tuesday, January 25, 2011

First day back to work!! I was bumrushed by a few of my young fan club. :)
I have a new addition to my fan club! His name is Justice and he’s 3 years old. He followed me everywhere after I defended his right to have a next turn during a playground ball game. :)

When I got home from work, I discovered that my co-worker Ms. Wendy had written an update about her life celebration last week, and published it today:

I tried hard to stay here through the celebration. I wound myself up. Now, turning within seems more challenging. I love my life and everyone in it. Part of this process for me is letting go of those closest to me.

I remembered I have the habit of giving to everyone I meet, but I forget to give to myself all the things I need. Giving and nurturing to myself is really more easily said then done.

There is also a great tiredness deep within calling me to rest…I do not need to struggle anymore for anything…At this time the needs are simple-silence, meditation, chanting, contemplation, and study. My friends and family all wish me success in my goal to let it all go.

Reminds me of my dream and how I am having trouble letting go.

Day 40
Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Day 2 of my return to work. More children in my little fan club coming up to greet me.
There was gossip from a co-worker about my being moved to another class, thus displacing an assistant who’s already been in there since the start of the school year. How annoying that this person has to gossip to me, and how irritating that I have to be moved mid-year like this. I popped a couple of .5mg lorazepam that day to deal with re-entry to work (to a new room) and to deal with the gossiping co-worker. It’s the same person I’ve had a personality conflict with forever.

Day 41
Thursday, January 27, 2011

Day 3 return to work. I wore slacks this time because I was already tired of wearing skirts. This was a bad idea, as the belly button was highly irritated all day. I experienced pelvic pain and low & mid back pain all day.
The same co-worker as the day before was still at the gossip on this day, and it really got to me, so I told her I would confront the person I am displacing and see if she really is inconsolable over the fact that I was moved into her room. As we set up the room for naptime, I apologised to my co-worker for being moved into her room and displacing her. I told her I did not push for this move, that it was the decision of the director. She told me it’s alright – she said it’s time she learns the more administrative side of running a school, anyway, and that she’ll be working a bit in the office as well as in the room I came from. She’s gone through all the training and has her Montessori head teacher certificate. She just needs a head teacher position to open up for her, now.

By the time I got home from work, I was thoroughly exhausted and still having a bit of pain. I wanted to go to sleep and also eat dinner simultaneously. Much whining abounded. I settled on gluten-free freezer mac ‘n cheese, and some gluten-free chocolate cake for dessert, then went directly to bed – at 6pm. I woke at 8pm and half an hour later, I went out to the local German bar with my husband to help a friend celebrate her birthday. I thought I would fall asleep in my chair, I swear. I was back in bed by 10:30pm after having only had an elderflower soda to drink at the bar.

Day 42
Friday, January 28, 2011

Day 4 return to work. Endured parent-teacher conferences today. I was there as an intern to observe the process. I was traumatised by only one parent! I popped one .5mg lorazepam that day and straddled world of assistant and intern again. I had high energy but it ended up hurting me because I was too enthusiastic while doing “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” with the kids.
There was a crazy parent for a conference at the end of the day – she’s the one who traumatised me (and my head teacher). I came home, popped 1mg lorazepam, and demanded a sushi dinner with my husband. Then I got coffee because I was so exhausted and refused to go to sleep before midnight on a Friday night. It worked – we hung out in a book store for a bit after dinner, then came home and stayed up til 3am with my hubby, watching TV!

Day 43
Saturday, January 29, 2011

Blissful sleeping in!
However, the day did not stay blissful for long. I found myself depressed and crying before my husband even woke up. After analysing the situation, I realised much of it is that I need to be ME again, and after only 4 days back to work, I’m already sick to death of wearing the Mary Poppins monkey suit. My husband was happy to help remedy the situation with clothes shopping!!! I got a new dress and a new skirt at local shop. My hubby drove us to Berkeley but the store there was rude and overpriced, so did not get my money. We hit up a bookstore before coming back home – I bought a used book called Indian Removal, by Grant Foreman (I have always been very passionate about the Native American plight). When we came home, I was exhausted and took a nap. When I woke, I made mac ‘n cheese for dinner, but only after forcing myself to think of something to make for dinner, and then I had to force myself to eat. I was still depressed. Later on that evening, we attended an independent film festival for a friend’s film, and had a good time. We came home and I went directly to bed.

Day 44
Sunday, January 30, 2011

Finally resumed Alexander Technique classes at the local dispensary today. Ow, practice hurts. Also did laundry & dishes, & took nap in between. Still tired as hell. Slowly getting back into the swing of daily life – it usually takes a few months.
In the TMI department, my husband and I were intimate before I headed off to class. During class, I suddenly experienced sharp anal pain, then sharp left side ovarian stabby pain. Ahhh, Dyspareunia, how I hate you.
The wife of the instructor held me after class for an hour talking at me, in my personal space, and told me not to say MY illness, and told me not to BE the illness. I’ve heard it all before. I was so annoyed. I came home, did 2 loads laundry, attended the grand reopening of a local store & bought a cute bracelet. All day, I had intermittent low back pain and cramping – again I attributed it to intimacy earlier in the day.
I did some dishes, bills, and made dinner, cleaned out the wonder washer, put new linens on bed, and planned to shower, but that’s when I ran out of spoons. I went to bed.
I certainly am not knocking the amount of spoons I had that day, though!!!

Special note: I did not experience Mittelschmerz this month!! :D

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