Early February cycle

February 2, 2012
~7:30am
Today is the cautious day. I am moving slowly about the house, trying not to stir up the Endo hornet nest. Gonna try to go to work today.

8:05am
And the doom just ramped up, but I hadn’t arranged for a sub cuz I was sure I’d be able to go in. Now I have to go in and wait for the late morning shift to arrive to hopefully stand in for me. It’s going to be grueling. Why do I do this to myself? Oh yeah, cuz I’m stubborn.

~12pm
barely maintaining on 1,400mg of Advil

~1pm
Today’s my long day. Working til 6pm. Kill me now.

~7pm
Today was brutal, but I survived work on 1,400mg of Ibuprofen and a heating pad. The children were super at helping me out. ♥

February 3, 2012
~11am
Rough day for me today. I thought the endo flare was over, but it returned while at work. Came home sick for the third time this week – just like old times before the last surgery. :(

~6:50pm
Feels later than it is. Normally that would be a good thing, but with all the pain and meds I’ve had today, I just want the day to be over.
> > Nate (my friend): did you rest?
Me: Hah, of course not. I’m stubborn. I have been couch-bound all day, though, does that count?

~11:59pm
Okay, I’m finally giving in and going to bed. I spent the day couch-ridden, but productive. I have gone through most of my stockpile of news articles and research bulletins – I have enough to post one a day for the month of March (National Endometriosis Awareness Month)! Will continue stockpiling research, of course.

February 5, 2012
Saturday was a cautious day for me physically after spending a week w/ an endo flare. I was excited that my body was able to do the Time Warp at the Castro Theatre. HOORAY FOR UPTIME! Time to LIVE LIFE until the next flare, around Feb. 24. I want to go out dancing every Friday, and I’m going to really try to get to another favourite dance club on Mondays right at 9pm as often as I can.

(Later that evening…)
Whoops, I guess I’m not officially in uptime, yet. Had great energy all day, cleaning the kitchen and bathroom. Went grocery shopping with my husband, and on the way out, I zoomed the grocery cart like a giant scooter all the way back to the car. Now my legs are shaky and I feel a bit nauseated. So I’ve been saying for the past few days, “okay body, TOMORROW then.” I say it again. Okay body, TOMORROW then…it will be uptime.

February 6, 2012
You have GOT to be kidding me.

This is the second woman in the last two years to have completely faked an attempted suicide and resulting coma. I now doubt whether she has endometriosis, or any of the listed medical conditions she talks about. Trust is completely destroyed, and now I’m hearing rumour there’s a third. Seriously, I gave these strangers a chance. I accepted them at face value, because they said they go through what I go through with endometriosis. I am ready to unfriend all of them because of three women. I am ready to shut down again on humanity – the way I used to be back in the early to mid 1990s. I was Mean Not Nice. Everybody deserved my wrath. Everybody was guilty until proven innocent, and even then, people got a squint of mistrust. Is that what I need to go back to? I know it’s not, but damn that’s how I feel right now.

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