Finally on the other side of the pain

The pain abated by Friday. This cycle, I had two days of 7 on the pain scale, and three heavy days altogether. I wasn’t bedridden and I didn’t take time off of work, but the high number on the pain scale is alarming. I hope I’m not plateauing on the Gabapentin already. I will talk to my shrink about increasing dosage again.

Friday night, I did an overnight tour on the U.S.S. Hornet for their ghost hunting adventure. I helped lead people around the ship into the wee hours of the night. I had intermittent cramping because of all the ladders I had to climb, and all the walking I had to do on the aircraft carrier. But I was glad to be away from home. I spent the night in the Torpedo berthing area with a bunch of other women, and I left right after breakfast the next morning.

I slept for most of the day on Saturday, because I’d gone to bed near 4am and hardly slept. Women had chatter going on, or early alarm clocks set. I swear, they were up at 6am. The navy reveille sounded at 8am, but I was already up and loading my sleeping bag into my car by that time.

Sleeping in is always a problem for me these days, because my depression worsens when I don’t have to be up and about, doing things to forget that divorce has happened to me. And yet, I’d only slept maybe 2 hours, so my body was exhausted – I had to sleep when I got home. When I finally got out of bed, it was near 6pm. My friend texted me and asked if I’d like to go out with her to one of her DJ gigs, and I leapt at the opportunity to get out of the house and thusly my depression.

We didn’t get home til about 2am, and I slept in again. I should have just scheduled myself to go back to the U.S.S. Hornet bright and early, but there it is again – that fine line between prolonged sleep deprivation and depression. Too much sleep deprivation leads to more depression. Sleeping in on weekends leads to more depression. I feel like I just can’t win.

I have to be somewhere in a couple of hours, so at least I can forget about the depression again for awhile this evening. Then it’s back to work again tomorrow for an intense week of state exams for my poor little first and second graders.

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