Another pain status update

Thursday was a pain-free day! Yay!

On Friday, the pain returned. I had a lot of joint pain and back pain that day. By evening, my upper back was trying to seize up. By the time we left our friends’ house, my left upper arm was in constant spasm. As a matter of fact, it’s still in spasm.

Despite the low back and pelvic pain for much of the day (which was kicked up after being intimate, OF COURSE), I went walking all over town with my husband, and I refused to take pain medication in case I wanted to partake in any alcohol with friends (which I did later that evening).

I wondered if the resurgence in pain could be attributed to having been intimate with my husband, or if it was due to the impending rainfall, or if it was due to eating inflammatory foods, or all of the above. I felt guilty only for the inflammatory food ingestion, but only a little guilty. I have to LIVE my life, dammit.

When we got home last night, I thought I would need to go right to bed, because for some reason I was running a 99.9°F fever. I got all paranoid that someone I’d spent time with at two Thanksgiving gatherings the day before had gotten me sick. The flu is going around, and I’ve been trying to avoid the preschool crud for the past month as it is.

Despite the fever, I found I was restless. This is when the urge to CLEAN came over me again, as strongly as the urge had been on Wednesday night, when I was on my hands and knees wiping down baseboards in the kitchen and bathroom.

I was up til nearly 3am dusting furniture in the living room and rearranging toys and knick-knacks that we collect.

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Part of the reason for this rearranging was that my husband has just purchased a new television and will be purchasing a new furniture stand for said television, so we needed to clear off the old entertainment center. I just had the energy in me to do it in the middle of the night last night, is all…

All the dust from the shelves had stirred up my allergies, so I took a full dose of Benadryl, hoping that it would serve to knock me out so I could finally get some rest.

Rest was not to be found! Though the good news is that my temperature went back down to normal.

I went to bed around 3am and still could not settle. And on top of it, I was freezing (thanks to premenstrual hormones). My entire body was tense, and my left arm was still in muscle spasm – not painful spasm mind you, but just a continual muscle twitch up near the shoulder.

Around 4am I could take it no longer, and I took my very last half pill of muscle relaxer I’d been saving. Finally, between the Benadryl and the muscle relaxer, I was able to get in a few hours of sleep. However, by 7:30am, my entire body was in full on clench mode again. I was sleeping with my fists balled up and my shoulders trying to touch. Even the heating pad didn’t dent the muscle tension.

I swear, at this point I prayed for horse tranquilizers.

Intermittently throughout the night, the pelvic pain also made itself known. It’s hard to know if the pain was solely because I’d been intimate with my husband the day before, or if it was solely because my period is due today, or if it’s the rainstorm that finally manifested overnight, or if it is a combination of all of the above.

Then there’s the fact that I’ve eaten nothing but inflammatory food and drink all weekend (pie, cookies, chocolate, nigori sweet sake, ham, steak, crab, butter, waffles with syrup, bacon, coffee with sugar and cream, cheetos!!).
Seriously, every last one of those items is on the inflammatory foods list and/or my forbidden foods list.

Today I will begin the round-the-clock Ibuprofen dosing. The pelvic pain is a low, droning ache. The low back pain is moderate, and is as a result kicking up some nausea. I’ve been doing slow stretches since last night for the pain.

My fever has not returned – so far so good! I really don’t like dealing with the endometriosis flareups while also being sick with a virus.

Outside, the rain is an on again, off again drizzle, with threatening-looking clouds. It’s a breezy 52°F (11°C).

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And that’s the report – I was due today but so far nothing has started to flow, yet, aside from the pain of course.
I estimate I’m currently a 3.5 on the pain scale. And now it’s time to get up and move around…and take that ibuprofen.

Premenstrual pain status update

I had moderate to debilitating pain for two solid days this week – Monday and Tuesday November 22 and 23. Then by the 24th, the pain subsided, only picking back up again around 3pm when I did stretching exercises with my students. At that point, the pain stayed with me for the rest of the day. I needed half a Tylenol 3 around 8pm, and I took the other half around 11pm.

Despite the pain, I was in “Let’s get shit done” mode, because it was the eve of Thanksgiving. I wiped down the baseboards in the kitchen and bathroom, made cranberry sauce, made two dozen gluten-free cookies, and made gluten-free pie crust before turning in for the night around 1am.

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On Thursday, I experienced no pelvic pain at all!! I was therefore able to enjoy a full day of food overindulgence with friends.

Looking back at the past seven days, I can see that the debilitating pain I had was CLEARLY dyspareunia. I was intimate with my husband on Sunday, and the pain followed for two straight days afterward, before starting to clear up. And that is how it goes – that is the behaviour with dyspareunia.

We are heading into Friday, now. My period is due on Saturday. It may be on time or it may be late. Right now I am not experiencing any symptoms, thank [insert deity here].

We’ll see what the weekend holds for me!

Pre-menstural pain is debilitating

The mid-cycle pain (mittelschmerz) started on November 16 and lasted through November 17.

On November 18, I was highly fatigued, and missed a friend’s concert. I was however able to get some teaching internship homework done that night, with my remaining spoons.

I got through work on November 19, and had to return to work on November 20 for the annual Fall Harvest Festival. Parents of the children who attend the school were put into groups and had a continent assigned to them. They all had to cook or bring foods found or popular to a particular continent. Each class did songs and dances relating to the continent/country they are studying. My class has been studying the Philippines in Asia, and so they counted from one to ten in Tagalog, sang Sampung mga daliri (see another cute rendition here), attempted a traditional dance, and sang I Am But A Small Voice (which went so well that they got wild applause).

After the Fall Harvest Festival, I needed downtime. I’d used up all my spoons, but I still wanted to go out dancing that night. I was pretty upset with my body for being so tired and achey. I was mad at my mind for being so moody and premenstrual.
I ended up staying home and joining a party of friends 2,500 miles away in my home state. They were having a party and so I joined them on Skype. They were all super drunk and having a fun time, so my husband and I decided to have elderflower fizz – it is elderflower liquor with champagne.

Well, the champagne hated me worse than I expected. I know I’m not supposed to have anything with yeast or sulfites, but this particular champagne must have been loaded with them. My stomach hadn’t hurt that bad or been that upset in a long time. What a shitty day overall it had turned out to be, health-wise and emotionally for me.

On Sunday, November 21, I went to a matinee with my husband and two of our friends – we saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. When I got home, I spent the rest of the evening once again catching up on teaching internship homework, and practicing my presentation for Monday.

Despite the weekend’s ups and downs, my husband and I were able to enjoy each other intimately. I note this because with endometriosis, it is often difficult to be intimate without grave pain. Twice a month is the norm – anything more than that and we’re jumping for joy. Such as it was this month – a veritable jumping for joy.

On Monday, November 22, I began to experience gnawing uterine cramps, and I knew this was the result of having been intimate with my husband over the weekend, because I am diagnosed with dyspareunia. Same thing happened which set off the mittelschmerz last week.
So on Monday, I had sharp stabbing pain on the right, then on the left, then radiating through the rectum as day/night progressed. That day, I took half a Tylenol 3 + 400mg Ibuprofen at lunchtime at work. Later, I ingested half a Tylenol 3 + 400mg Ibuprofen at dinner time, and then another half Tylenol 3 after dinner while at a friend’s house catching up on The Walking Dead.

When I got home, I experienced a painful bowel movement, which set off some nausea and shakes, and reminded me what I’ve known for years – that I have rectal involvement with endometriosis. I went to bed with a heating pad on my abdomen and lower back all night.

This morning, I woke nearly two hours before my alarm clock went off, and could not get back to sleep. I had only had five hours of sleep. Despite that, the pain level was very low, so I went to work. I did not bicycle to work because the pain has been too unpredictable, and it has also been raining.
While walking from my car to the workplace, I was so shaky that I thought I might collapse. I couldn’t tell if the shakiness was from nerves or from my body becoming so weak from fatigue and recent pain, but I forced myself to keep walking.
I got through the morning in a moderately agitated state, with frequent bouts of ‘warm flashes’ because my hormones are doing acrobatics inside of me.

The gnawing uterine cramps started up again at lunch hour. I experienced intermittent sharp stabbing pain on the right ovary. I took 600mg Ibuprofen at lunchtime at work, but the pain radiated to my rectum, which left me debilitated, shaky and nauseous. Right before I was to end my lunch break, my bowels went into a painful tizzy, and I spent many minutes on end at the toilet, trying not to vomit from the recto-vaginal pain as a painful bowel movement tried to happen. When I finally did defecate, there was blood in the stool. My anus did not hurt, so I wondered if it was from hemorrhoids or from endometriosis perforating my bowels. Either way, I was feeling really ill.

I can handle a certain amount of uterine pain more than I can handle the ovarian pain, but I cannot handle the recto-vaginal pain at all. May as well beat me senseless, it’s all the same.

When I got home from work today, I applied a heating pad to my bottom, half a muscle relaxer (Soma), .5mg Ativan, and a nap. I slept from around 3pm til nearly 8pm. I woke to urinate, then had cereal for dinner, which caused a new round of painful defecation – loose this time, with some more blood, and nausea. I took my temperature – it’s 99.4°F. But then it’s been 99 point something more often than not for months, if not over a year, now.

I began to wonder if I have an intestinal virus. I’d spent the better part of last week fighting off an upper respiratory tract infection. Preschoolers – they’ll kill ya.

Now I’m back in bed, journaling all of this before returning to sleep for the night.

Good night.

It’s PMS time ALREADY?!?

The last time I blogged was on November 9. The pain abated by November 11, and so I decided again to try bicycing to work. I seemed to be okay, so I pedaled to work again on November 12, despite the trapped nerve resurfacing overnight once again from all the stress I’m under. Speaking of stress, I began taking Ativan again – on November 11. :(

On November 13, I participated in my friend’s wedding. It was beautiful. :)

The grooms

The grooms

The cake cutting!

The cake cutting!


My husband

My husband

Me

Me


The only thing though, we all drank for about 12 hours that day. I had a total of 3 glasses of wine and two and a third hard alcoholic drinks in the course of those 12 hours. Not bad, but then again I shouldn’t be drinking at all with autoimmune disease. Hell, I got more drunk the night before, at the rehearsal dinner, heh. I think I drank 2/3 a bottle of wine that night…

During the wee hours of Sunday morning, a virus within me had activated and let loose on my maxillary sinuses. It felt like my runny nose coated my pillow. Ugh. I’ve been sneezing and blowing my nose ever since.

I tried resuming bicycling to work Monday and Tuesday this week, but with the virus making me excruciatingly tired (like, wanting to be in bed by 8pm), I decided to not bicycle to work today.

Because of the virus, I have renewed heightened sensitivity to dust, mold, perfumes and chemicals in general. This of course did not stop me from getting super PMS-tastic last night and using Tilex diluted in hot water to scrub moldy window sills – without a mask. WTF!!

Also, the biggest WTF right now is Mittelschmerz. It hit like clockwork on Day 8 of the new cycle – yesterday the 16th. And ever since yesterday, I’ve been trying to eat all the chocolate on the planet. Tonight, I wanted alcohol, and I’ve been imbibing on liquor in the house. The boozing is in part to the stress I’m under at work, and in part due to nightmares I’ve had for two nights straight.

This upper respiratory tract infection is not helping with my stress level. I know I shouldn’t be drinking, especially with a virus going on, and yet I have no control over my cravings and wants right now.

I’m experiencing mid-cycle pain, PMSing, and my period is already due by next Saturday, even though just last week, I was just coming off my period. This so-called 25 day cycle is for the birds.

So I just wanted to let you know where it’s at – I’m PMSing, chocolate-gorging, stressed out, drug-addled on Ativan and Benadryl, and totally having a pity party over the Blue Moon Menstrual Cycle this month.

Yeah, pity me. Wah. Boo hoo.

October pain noted


 
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Getting closer

I am spotting today. I woke up fine with no low back pain or any back pain. I had no cramps. I was in the kitchen eating breakfast when the cramps and the hypoglycemia hit. This is at least Day 4 or 5 of having hypoglycemia issues. The last time I had to deal with that on a regular basis was when I was eating gluten and yeast.

Okay and sugar.

So I have to cut the sugar addiction once again. Blah.

Anyway, the low back pain is starting to set in. I did not take any ibuprofen yesterday like I said I would. Today – right now – I’m popping 400mg Ibuprofen. I’ve been wearing a panty-liner for the past two days, but now I definitely need it cuz as I said, I’ve begun spotting this morning. Super light pink.

This is of course just PERFECT, because I’m supposed to make up a missed class for Language Arts tomorrow and possibly Friday.

Great. Perhaps I’ll just go in today at lunchtime and see what all I can talk to the teacher about, and photograph, and illustrate. Yes. That sounds like a plan. Do that now before the horrific pain sets in.

Planning my entire life around the pain – that’s me.

Pre-george pain and emotional blah

When I woke this morning, it was before my alarm went off, and it was because my lower back hurt so bad that I wanted to cry. This is the same pain I get every month right before george arrives.
I got up and moved around, and the pain eased up, but then the hypoglycemia set in.

So far this morning, I have eaten two bowls of cereal, a homemade 16oz goat-milk yoghurt smoothie with bananas and strawberries, and two gluten free waffles with cinnamon and gluten-free, dairy-free buttery spread. That was two hours ago, and I’m already hungry again.

So far this morning, I have had brain fog due to the hypoglycemia, I am still wrestling with low-grade pelvic pain and the constant need to check to see whether george is here, and I’ve nearly cried three different times.

I have not pre-medicated this week. I should start taking the ibuprofen today. I always have doubts that it does any good, but whatever.

Last night before bed, I tried to do some Tibetan Relaxation, which turned into leg lifts because I have had restless legs and scattered energy and no focus going on…for weeks now (it’s part of the depression and mania I’ve been going through, lately).

About half an hour ago, I spent ten solid minutes jogging in circles around inside the house to let off some energy and clear the brain fog a bit. I think it worked, though my legs are still bouncy.

I have homework to do. I am so woefully behind on endo blogging on the main website and on the youtube and twitter pages related to endo. I need to clone myself, or learn how to better manage my time.

It’s about to begin…

Today I woke with low-grade vaginal and pelvic cramping, and the need to keep ‘checking’ to see if I’m spotting, yet. I can’t handle the continual need to ‘check’, so I threw on a pad. But every time I go to the bathroom, I’m still ‘checking’. I swear, it’s either obsessive compulsive behaviour or it’s some instinctual female thing. Either way, it’s annoying as hell.

I set out to run my errands, but did not bicycle. I drove my car, instead. I’m too fatigued and the low-grade pelvic discomfort is making me whiney. While driving, I had to have one hand on my inner knee, firmly holding the acupressure point, to try to settle the cramps down.

I also began having hypoglycemic attacks starting on Saturday. I usually get hypoglycemic pretty easily right before my period. Waking up hypoglycemic, and having it made worse by drinking red raspberry tea, was also quite annoying.

George is due on Thursday, but at this rate, I say he’ll be here by Tuesday night.

I have this huge amount of info to share, but I’m not sure yet if it can be related to this journal and this health condition or not, so I’m leaving it off this journal for now. You can read all about it over at my other journal, though. Once I determine its relevancy to this journal, I’ll port the entries over, just like I did before…in order to create this blog.

2:07pm Edit: WTF is it with my bowels today? This is the third dump I’ve had to take. This is WAY out of the norm for me, since by nature I’m a constipated pain in the ass.
Is the endo break-dancing on my bowels or something? Is it my stress level because I’m STILL trying to finish all the homework I got from the teacher training summer intensive? What the hell, man…

I didn’t make it through today

The pain hit while I was watching and photographing other people’s presentations. I am the class photographer, so I felt I could not rest. I did stretches when I could. I did wide hip circles when I could. I ingested 600mg Advil gel-caps.

During the first presentation right after lunch, I was standing and photographing when I got dizzy. I regrouped. Then a few minutes later, my knees buckled. I steadied myself and lowered myself to the ground. My classmate, who also has endometriosis, was sitting on the floor nearby and rushed over to me, asking if I was alright. I told her I’d almost fallen and she said, “I know, I was ready to spot you.”
That’s when I finally acknowledged to myself, “yes, I really am in bad shape, and now other people can tell.” My face went red with embarrassment, even though no one was looking at me because I was in the back of the group watching the presentation. My classmate took my camera and told me she’d continue photographing for me.

The presentation finished, and that’s when one of the people in my presentation group came up to me and said she was leaving. She suffers from chronic migraines, and she also got her period this week, which has been the worst pain she’s been in, in a long time. She was on day three of killer cramps. I looked up at her all wrapped up in blankies and heating pads, with her sunglasses on because indoor lighting was too bright for her. I said, “I’m right behind you, I might go, too.”

Next thing I know, our team is being called to present the next lesson. I thought I had at least one more presentation before our group, so I called out to a member of my group, saying I was not ready, I need more time. Team member 1 went home already. Team member 2 came to me and asked if I was in pain, I told her yes. She told me that she and Team member 3 would go on without me and Team member 1, and that it is okay, they understand, and they will be fine up there together. I pleaded with her to ask for more time. She told me really, it’s OKAY, and gave me a genuine look that said, “just stay there, rest, it’s okay.”

I burst into tears.

The guilt! The failure! All that preparation! Would I get an incomplete? We abandoned our team mates!

Now other classmates were looking at me. Ugh. I slowly got up, knees still buckling, and staggered into the kitchen to cry alone.
And cry alone I did. I sobbed silently and sniffled a lot. I needed my medication but it was in the other room. I was not comfortable sitting or standing, and I did not want to lay down on the floor. I settled into a cafeteria chair.
I felt trapped. My legs were not working right. Everyone was watching the presentation. My endo buddy was photographing for me. I was alone. I was embarrassed for losing my cool and crying like this. I cried and cried.

When at last I felt I could compose myself, I slowly rose from the chair, and walked slowly out of the kitchen, through the presentation room, where another presentation was going on, and made my way to the public restroom.

After all that pain and suffering, I had nothing to show for it. No bleeding has started, yet.

This has happened to me often enough, but it never fails to make me that much more pissed off at my body. If I’m going to have that much pain, why can’t I already be on my period? Why do I have to have all that pain before my period, then go through the period on such continued pain?

It’s not fair!!!

I emerged from the restroom and went to the classroom, where I was finally able to take a half of a tylenol 3. I sat at my desk and cried some more. Eventually I slowly walked back out and watched the last presentation, then slowly helped my teammates clean up our presentation area, and rejoined the class for the closing presentations/goodbyes. One presentation entailed lighted candles to represent the constellations, while some smoopy song played which talked about how bright we are. I cried AGAIN.

OMG CAN THE PREMENSTRUAL HORMONES PLEASE STOP ALREADY!

I think my problem is that I have been stuck with these women for six weeks. Their pheremones have invaded and disrupted my hormonal system. Even worse, this week I had the migraine/cramp lady sitting on one side of me, and a heavily pregnant woman sitting on the other side of me!

Don’t TELL me that didn’t have anything to do with my pain and emotional state! Women’s bodies are creepy.

After class, a lot of classmates were concerned about me or morbidly curious, and i had to answer the same question probably 10 times. I’d even visually disturbed a male classmate, who said he would pray for my pain to ease up. I got teary eyed AGAIN and thanked him.

SOMEONE OR SOMETHING PLEASE KILL ME. Make it quick.

My endo buddy lugged all my coursework and backpack and shoulder bag down the flight of stairs after school, went and fetched my car, and loaded everything into the car for me.

I stopped off for take-away dinner on the way back to the motel, and now here i am, typing out my saga to you, with puffy, stinging eyes. I’m ready for a bath and bed, and it’s only 8pm.

This is the second bad pain day this week – Tuesday was also bad. Today was much worse than Tuesday. The shooting pains made me yelp out, and when the pain finally got so bad, it was an 8 on the pain scale.

Oh and the cold I’m fighting is also settling into my lungs. I’ll keep you posted on that, too.

Please, honestly, something – just quickly put me out of my misery. I’m so done with this. It’s not fair. I’m mad. I’m upset. I’m tired of this. It’s just not fair.

Finishing up my last week of summer school

Just a quick update to say I’ve not had time to check comments for this blog – I’ll get to it this weekend, I promise. :)

I am in my last week of the summer intensive teacher training, but the homework will still follow me for another couple of weeks.

George is due this weekend, so downtime is definitely coming, and I’m not going to be able to focus on my homework too much as a result. In fact, I fear that george will be early, because I’ve been trapped in a room full of women all summer. Last week, my new friend from school, who also has endometriosis, had her painful cycle and I drove her home a couple of times. This week, another classmate who is sitting next to me has gotten her period, and it is unusually painful for her. She’s been sitting in class doubled over her heating pad, trying to get through the lessons. She says she’d normally take time off for her body when the pain is this bad, but she did not want to have to make up the classwork.

I fear the pheremones or hormones or whatnot might be acting on me, along with the horrid diet I have kept, and the high stress I have had – all from being in summer school and living in motels on and off. This week, I have spent the entire week so far in a motel because it got to be too stressful to commute the hour and a half back and forth to school each day. I had no time to get homework done.
In any case, I have been experiencing pelvic pain since Monday morning. I have been on lots of ibuprofen all week. The worst pain day was Tuesday, when I began checking for blood, because I was sure george would arrive any second. I’d say the pain reached 5.5 on the pain scale. It was intermittent shooting death all day, too.

The pelvic pain was on top of the leg, thigh, calf and foot pain I was already experiencing, as I had walked over 8 miles on Sunday for the AIDS Walk. The walk itself is 6 miles, but we walked much further all told, getting to and from our table on the meadow, and all the running around I had to do after the walk to prepare for school the next day.
So it’s been a pretty painful week with these two factors combined. I *still* hurt from the walk.

On top of all of this, I have caught a cold, because several friends are sick and decided to show up to two social events I was at last weekend. I really wish people wouldn’t be so selfish. Yes, I know our friend is turning 40. Yes, I know you signed up for the AIDS Walk. But you are sick. STAY THE HELL HOME. I’m miffed at these people. I don’t know which one of the five it was who got me sick by breathing on me, or if it was all combined, but I’m miffed.

I’m excited to have been able to go on a date with my husband last night – he drove down to see me and intimate fun was had, and no pain afterwards, thank the gods. I’m excited that I might make it through my last day of class today, but fearful that george may show up during my practicum orientation meeting tomorrow.

We’ll see how it goes.