Randomness

Today I started one day early. I woke with mild, annoying pelvic cramps, but they faded by late morning.

I was fine til just after 1pm when I was startled to find bright red blood during a trip to the bathroom. Soon after that, mild cramping began again. I took 600mg Ibuprofen to stop the cramps from getting worse, and it worked! Wheee!

Today I was able to accomplish the following:

  • 4 loads of blankets – washed and dried
  • Dishwasher was run
  • Wooden bed desk was washed again (cat peed on it awhile back and I’ve been washing the sucker repeatedly with Nature’s Miracle, Seventh Generation Wipes, Anti-Icky-Poo®, and more wipes – I think I am finally satisfied that it is no longer contaminated. Talk about OCD and germ/filth phobia!)
  • More Montessori homework accomplished
  • Bathtub scrubbed with Borax and hot water
  • Cat puke scrubbed from runner by front door
  • Cat litter exchanged (I accidentally bought the scented version and suffered the chemically sensitive consequences)
  • Back of photo album soaked in Anti-Icky-Poo® – this didn’t work out so well – the back of the album held up perfectly, but the stench and filmy residue are still there. There are two or three photo albums that the cat peed on in recent months. They’ll just have to be replaced.
  • Blankets folded and put away
  • Bed stripped and new sheets/blankets/pillow cases applied

 

That is a whole HELL of A LOT of stuff to be physically fit and able to do on my first day of my period, let me tell you!

Sometimes it just goes like that. I’ve not been doing anything differently – I still ate a lot of chocolate right before my period. I still ate lots of cow and goat cheese. I still drank lots of caffeinated coffee and tea with lots of sugar.

I did see my acupuncturist on June 24th, and on June 26th, I got a massage from my friend who is now a licensed masseuse. Even so, given my decades-long history with this illness, I don’t think acupuncture and massage are what allowed my cramps to be minimal today. Sorry gals. I truly think my illness behaves as it wants to behave, when it wants to.

On June 20, I noticed that I’d become lax in taking my calcium/magnesium pills, as well as my evening primrose oil pills. I noted the constant back and joint pain I was in, and said I’d resume my supplements. Within 48 hours of writing that, I went out and bought a new bottle of calcium/magnesium, and began taking it twice a day with a Vitamin D3 pill for better absorption, and I resumed my evening primrose oil pills along with the Vitamin C and zinc and other supplements I take.
The back and joint pain eased up immediately and profoundly!

As I got closer to menstruation, my mid back began tightening up, as it always does. This puts strain on the lower back, and then it becomes hard to stand up straight, or even sit up straight, for that matter. My massage was great on Saturday and helped loosen the back, but I messed it all up later that night by wearing a corset too tight, and my back went into spasm.
For the last three days since then, my back has alternated between being fine and wanting to lock up from the mid point down, because it’s going into protective mode like it always does every month before I menstruate.

So today the back pain was moderate. I took 600mg of Ibuprofen tonight when I got out of the shower. As I lay there on the newly made bed to cool down after my hot shower, my mid back began to spasm again. It was more of a twitch but a thickening of the muscles, definitely. Not the charlie horse type back pain I was in on Saturday by a long shot, but I could tell my back is definitely out of sorts.
(fun fact about me: hot showers, hot baths, hot tubs, hot pools – it has to be hot – it’s the best thing next to sex).

Oh – today is the first day I was able to get through the day without the following:

  • Coffee
  • Caffeinated tea
  • Raw sugar to sweeten anything
  • Cow or goat cheese

 

It’s not to say I didn’t suffer – it was a difficult day! I did eat two protein bars which contain chocolate liquor (but no sugar!), but I did not directly eat chocolate candies today. The two bars I can stomach the best are Brownie Crunch and White Chocolate Chip, though they do leave a bad aftertaste – probably because of the Malitol. I eat these things not to lose weight but because they’re the only gluten free protein bars that do anything to keep my energy up and stave off hunger for a bit when I’m at work and my only moment to catch a break is during the kids’ lunch hour. I used to eat Belgian Chocolate Organic Food Bars like nobody’s business, but the stores near me stopped selling the chocolate ones. Nowadays I eat almost as many BumbleBars as I do ThinkThin bars, but the BumbleBars don’t keep my energy up or my appetite at bay long enough.

Before I forget, I have been having a lot of strange dreams, lately. I don’t know if it’s the full moon (it was full on Saturday, June 26) or what, but the dreams are crazy.
…or not… I just looked up my dream about having lice the size of crickets in my hair, and this was the translation I got:

To see lice in your dream, signifies frustrations, distress and feelings of guilt. You may also be feeling emotionally or physically unclean. Alternatively, the lice my represent a person, situation, or relationship that you want to distance yourself from. You may be feeling used or taken advantage of.” DreamMoods.com

Fascinating! I was feeling used and taken advantage of!

Alas, I couldn’t get any insight into my dream about my dad’s right leg having to be amputated – the dream site only discusses the meaning behind the dreamer having her own limbs amputated.

*shiver* at least the lice thing is sussed out. When I woke this morning, I decided I would not continue to be angry with the Chi Nei Tsang lady, and I would not continue to feel taken advantage of by her. I put it right by taking matters into my own hands and ordering the supplements I need. I will do my own cleanses from now on if I deem those detox supplements to be of benefit again. This will only be my second time doing the cleanse, so we’ll see how it goes.

Alrighty, I’ve taken a total of 1,200mg Ibuprofen today and the pelvic cramps were quite minimal (I’d say a 2-3 on the pain scale. Right now is the first time all day that the nerves have begun to start their little dance down my inner thighs, so I’m just gonna high-tail it into bed and hope I wake to another minimal pain day tomorrow.

I really really wanna do a Steph’s Mythical Underworld photo shoot to illustrate from my mind’s eye my descent into hell each month. Even though I’m in minimal pain, I’m still at the gates to the Underworld. It’s not pessimism by any means. I know what I mean and that’s all that matters. ;)

Ooo – another thing before I forget. A few things…

Tonight I tried pesto instead of cream sauce and the result is that I have indigestion and I’m burping a lot. What’s in the pesto? It’s Trader Joe’s brand and it contains basil, sunflower oil, potatoes, olive oil, grana padano cheese (pasteurized cow’s milk, salt, rennet (animal), egg proteins), pecorino romano cheese (pasteurized sheep’s milk, salt, rennet (animal)), cashews, salt, pine nuts, lactic acid, garlic.

Well dammit, it could be the potatoes or the egg proteins or the cow’s milk or the sheep’s milk. Since I have a renewed war against me courtesy nightshades, which I thought I outgrew in childhood, I’m going to blame the potatoes and the egg proteins for the indigestion and burping. How ’bout that. Glad I only got the 6oz jar.

Another item to mention – I’m trying to consciously correct my gait, my posturing while standing and sitting, and how I move my body when bending forward for anything. I’m trying to stabilise my core region in the hopes of easing up some of the pelvic pain I suffer. I really should be back in the gym – I haven’t gone in well over a month now.

I thought there was one more thing but it’s gone. Good night!

Doing better emotionally

I had my little three-day pity party, and now I’m ready to formulate a new battle plan.

Friday night I hung out with my husband and our friends, and we had game night. I drank two vodka drinks that night. I got a buzz but did not get drunk. I ate a lot of chocolate covered espresso beans and cheese. I was in ‘screw it’ mode with regards to my diet. I felt like nothing I do makes any difference – my body is going to continue to be diseased – so why not just live my life the way I want to, and eat the junk I want to eat?

Well, Saturday morning I found out why I can’t do that.

When I woke up, all my joints were aching, and I had a new round of pelvic pain going on, and my breasts were so tender that I wanted to cry. I knew the culprit was firstly all the caffeine and secondly, the booze. I know this because Tyler knows this I have direct experience with noting how my body reacts to caffeine and to alcohol.

However, the brain weasels were still invading en force on Saturday (yesterday).

I went to my friend for a massage (she is trained!) and had a lovely session with her. I started out wanting to cry my eyes out, and my voice was very shaky. I ended up with a lovely state of relaxation that carried me through the next five hours. Alas, the brain weasels are a strong lot.
However, as I was going out the door last night, a co-worker called and asked me if I’d like to share a hotel room with her for the next training class on July 5. I was confused as to the dates, and so she called her mom (who runs the school I work at).

Get this – I thought my next class was this coming week, but it’s not! It’s not until NEXT week! Hooray! I was soooo stressed out about getting all my homework done from the last class, and now I have another week to do it. My co-worker told me not to stress, that I actually have all summer to get my homework done. This jives with what two other co-workers have told me. But the teacher I had for this last class was telling everyone the homework was due June 21, and I was all stressed to hell that it was late already. So glad I have more time. And on top of it, now I have a room to share instead of footing the entire bill for a room myself. Commuting down to Sunnyvale had been quite a bitch last time. Getting a hotel room is much more preferable.

As I was saying, I was on my way out the door. I went with my husband and two friends to see Concrete Blonde’s 20th Anniversary Reunion concert last night (OMG it was so awesome!!), but I was still such a spaz that I felt I needed a drink. I would have taken a half a Tylenol 3 were it not for the fact that I’d left my medication in the car. So I drank to quell the brain weasels, instead. I only had one drink – Mount Gay rum with club soda and some lime. It was godawful but that’s the best the bartender could come up with outside of corn syrup-infested alternatives. I should have just had the rum neat. Ah well. It did its job in the end.

I wore a corset to the show last night, hoping it would stabilise my back, because I always get bad back pain when standing at concerts.

The corset didn’t help. So there I was, in moderate back pain by the middle of the show, and I didn’t have any meds on me, and I didn’t want to drink any more booze in case the back pain got worse, or even worse, in case the pelvic pain returned.

On the drive home from the concert, my mid back began to spasm. I laughed hysterically and kept saying, “at least it’s not pelvic pain, this is actually manageable!” I tore at the corset strings and ripped the thing off, and dug my hands into my back to try to work out the spasm. Things didn’t calm down until I got home and smooshed my back to a tennis ball to the wall and rolled on it to try to work the blood flow in the back.

A TMI note – I was intimate with my husband and right afterwards, the pelvic pain kicked up. I need to note this because I am clinically diagnosed with dyspaneuria, and now I’m ever aware of the cysts on my cervix thanks to the latest MRI report. There was a tiny bit of blood in the vaginal discharge after intimacy. The nerve pain began immediately – first a tiny tickle near my cervix, then fringing out slowly to a burning sensation inwards, radiating throughout my entire pelvis. I reached about a 4 on the pain scale, but I did not take meds because I’d had one rum drink earlier in the night.

Today I’m going to review the list of inflammatory foods, and resolve to cut out sugar and ALL dairy (including goat milk) from my diet. The Budwig diet however calls for yoghurt, so I dunno what to do with that, yet. Maybe I’ll make an exception and just have goat milk yoghurt in the diet and keep the restriction to no cow’s milk anything, no bottled goat milk, no cheese, etc.

The point to the new battle plan is that I want to try to stave the growth of the endometrioma on my left ovary.

Wish me luck. The last time I cut sugar out of my diet, I had an emotional meltdown from the withdrawals.

Symptom tracking

I have spent all day today going back through this blog and digging out information for MyMonthlyCycles.com.

Awhile back, I registered with a bunch of symptom tracking websites to try ’em all out. So far, MyMonthlyCycles.com works the best for period tracking, but it’s obvious that the site is there for young women who want to breed, and the site has a lot of limitations to women like me with gynecological disorders who are trying to track our periods.

Despite the limitations, it still seems to do the best report output of compiled data.

Because I have spent all day on this, I don’t feel like rehashing my symptoms here in prose, so I’ll just give the straight up info I’d spewed on the symptom tracking website:

Tuesday, June 1, 2010:
Tylenol 3 at bedtime – partially for cramping, partially for joint pain, partially for brain weasels. This is also the day I had to go to E.R. after going into respiratory distress over an assistant teacher’s perfume. I received 3 shots that day: 1 Benadryl, 1 Atavan, 1 Epinephrine. I slept for most of the day and into the night.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010:
Took 600mg advil before bed due to cramping.

Thursday, June 3, 2010:
Some cramping, nausea, 99.9°F fever.

Friday, June 4, 2010:
My Period – First Day? Yes
Flow: Spotting Flow Color: Brown Clots: none
Comments: Mild cramps – intermittent. Nauseous. Pain around a 4 on the scale. Super tired – in bed by 9pm.

Saturday, June 5, 2010:
Flow: Medium Flow Color: Brown Clots: none
Comments: Spotting turned to flow, then got heavy by nighttime. 7 on the pain scale.

Sunday, June 6, 2010:
Flow: Heavy Flow Color: Dark Red Clots: Medium
Comments: Clots began by nighttime, and I passed a medium one – it took from 10:30pm to 12:30am before it was finally out, and I nearly vomited from the pain. The clot was thick, long. Not very wide. Consumed roughly 2.5 Tylenol 3 and about 1,600mg Ibuprofen for the pain. Had heating pads on all day and night.

Monday, June 7, 2010:
Flow: Medium Flow Color: Red Clots: Small
Comments: Heavy flow in the morning, then medium, then heavy, then medium, then light by nighttime. Took the day off work. Consumed roughly 1,200mg Ibuprofen and 2 Tylenol 3.

I’ve also been having crazy weird dreams and nightmares for the past three or so days – even before I took any Tylenol 3.

I’d like to also note that I have in the past week consumed a lot of cow’s milk ice cream, a lot of mint chocolate candies, and a lot of gluten-free ginger cookies due to out of control sugar cravings.

I have been moderately depressed since my trip to Michigan (May 14 – 23 was the trip), because I am triggered by the horrid housing state in which my mother continues to let herself live in.

Lastly, a note about the weather – I missed out on another gorgeous warm and sunny weekend because I’ve been on the couch since Friday night.

Making plans before departure to the Underworld

Yesterday and today I’ve been experiencing mild uterine and vaginal cramping. I’ve been “checking” a lot.
I came home from work around 2:30pm with a 99.9°F fever, and it hovered around 99.7 for the rest of the day. I was not able to get a last minute appointment with my acupuncturist.

Despite the low grade fever and cramps, and being a bit sunburned from lunchtime recess at work (I’d forgotten my hat and sunblock again), I still got a burst of energy yesterday evening, as my body went into what I call XXTREME NESTING mode.

My body does this every month right before I bleed. Sometimes I have the energy to act upon the XXTREME NESTING pull, and sometimes I just spin my brain meats and go stir crazy because I’m in too much pain to act on said pull.

Last night I took out recyclables, composting, did a load of laundry, loaded up and ran the dishwasher, got some more grocery shopping done to prepare for being homebound, mailed some bills, and scrubbed the bathtub twice. To my horror, neither the Borax nor the straight vinegar could fully clean the tub. We’d been using novelty Halloween soaps given to us for our wedding, and I’m convinced the soaps contained permanent black dye and wax. Ugh! On top of that, my husband has dyed his hair black twice in the past month and a half, and has not bothered to rinse the residue after his showers. So the tub is to me a horror story. But then, it’s nowhere near my mother’s bathtub. I went to visit my mother a few weeks ago in Michigan – it was my first trip home in six years. She has really let her house go down hill. It made me figuratively and literally sick to be in that house for more than a few minutes. My allergies exploded after 8 minutes in the place.

*shudder*

ANYWAY, after my attempts at cleaning the tub, I was sickened by the vinegar smell and just rinsed the damned tub and called it a night. I took 600mg Advil and went to bed.

I had even more crazy dreams. The dreams this morning entailed not being able to find a cab ride out of Detroit after a night at Cityclub, because the cabbies were taking furlough days on Sundays. We ended up walking all over the city around 4am trying to find a cab before we found out about the furlough issue. Then we ended up at our friend Bronica and Monkey’s place (but in real life, they live in Oakland, CA, not Detroit, MI. I guess it’s similar enough though). Then we took off for food at daylight, and I stopped at a street vendor who was selling broccoli cheese soup in a bread bowl. I convinced her to put the soup in a to-go bowl and put that bowl into the bread bowl so I could enjoy the soup without the gluten, and my husband could share the soup and also eat the glutenous bread. I was also trying to reach a friend or a cousin on my cell phone. I think I was trying to reach my childhood friend Rain, and I told her we were near the intersection of Aricka and Martin Luther King Jr Boulevard.
There is no Aricka street – Aricka is my cousin’s daughter.

Why all these strange dreams?

This morning, I’m registering at 99.4°F temp, and I’m uncomfortably nauseous after one bowl of cereal.

The nausea really pisses me off and usually means I still have an ovarian cyst going on. I’m convinced I’m either going to puke or start bleeding or both before I can get out the door to work. Part of me wants to call in sick, but I’ve already left work early twice this week, and it’s only been a four day work week.

We’ll see what happens next…

It’s starting again

I’m due on Sunday, June 6 but this morning the cramps are setting in, along with low grade nausea and the hormonal whack which causes hypoglycemia-like symptoms.

The night before last, I took a Tylenol 3 before bed.

Last night, I took 600mg Advil before bed.

For the last two nights, I’ve had really effing strange dreams. Last night’s dream involved stuff coming out of my vagina the consistency of white poster paint, and getting all over my clothes. NASTY! WTF!!!

I’ve been seriously depressed since returning home from Michigan – still unable to fully process my experiences there.

And I have forgotten to make another appointment with my acupuncturist. I wonder if she still has an opening for tonight.

We’ll see if I can even make it in to work today, and for how long.

The Waiting Game – part II

I don’t feel like I fully conveyed my sense of frustration and panic over my highly regular cycle throwing me for this much of a loop.

When my period is even a day late, I freak out, since it’s a trigger for me. I’ve been pregnant twice in my life, with the first time being at age 18. I have never gotten over the trauma from that first unwanted pregnancy – I always feel like I’ll be in big trouble, like my life will be over, like I’ve really screwed up this time, etc. The weight of this stress is enough to throw my shoulders and back out. I’m nearly to that point today, and I took a mental health day off work because of it.

I feel like I’m in limbo whenever my period is late. I go through each minute of each day knowing I should have been bedridden already. I’d already planned for the time off work. I’d already stocked up on groceries and tried to prep the house for my descent to the underworld. And then george is a no-show and I’m left biding my time, Waiting For It.
I’m in that special hell where I cannot exert myself too much because it causes pain…but I’m not in debilitating pain. And I’m super tired – I want to sleep all day and all night. And yet because there is no constant gnawing pain and/or bleeding going on, I feel like I’m expected to BE somewhere and DO something productive. But my body isn’t up for it. But my mind is restless. So the guilt sets in. I have video blogged about the guilt before (catch it here and here), but it’s so hard to LEARN the lesson and just be okay with whatever my cycle is doing – just roll with it.

I get so caught up in knowing where my uptime and downtime is, that if I end up with a little more uptime than expected, I freak out over it. I feel like something is seriously wrong. It’s like I’ve told myself I’m not allowed to go over 25 days between menstrual cycles – that if I do, it means I’ve messed up big time (see above-mentioned trigger).

Now, the last time my menstrual cycle did a huge change on me was 13 years ago, probably as I was settling in from a major life change – moving across country.

Now I’m edging up on the age of menopause, so I should expect that my menstrual cycle is going to start acting funny, and that this will last for years until I stop menstruating altogether.

But it’s not reassuring. I know I have an ovarian cyst, that I’m prone to the cysts, and that if the cysts grows bigger than 4cm, I have to consider cancer testing.

I have an MRI scheduled in two weeks, but I’m not reassured. I called the doctor but they have no openings today or tomorrow, the soonest I can get the MRI is next week, but I’ll be in Michigan.

So it’s the waiting game. I’m in Limbo, that special hell where I wait for either my period to show up or positive pregnancy test or the MRI to confirm Something Bad™.

This morning, I went out back of the house and tried a bit of tetris in the storage unit. It went well, but the exertion left me nauseous, dizzy, weak/trembling. Between that and the fact that my vaginal mucus FINALLY turned slightly pinkish this morning, that’s all I have to go on that george will be here soon.

Normally it’s nothing for me to lift and move a few things in the storage unit…but it’s 30 minutes later and I’m still shakey and nauseous. The nausea is from the damned ovarian cyst.

My cats caught sight of the cat carrier and luggage and made their way quickly to the closet. Now I keep hearing a scratching sound, but I don’t think it’s the cats. At least, it wasn’t when I last checked. Someone next door outside or someone upstairs from me is sweeping or brushing at something, I guess. But it’s driving me nuts because I’m already in a panic state. I turned on Internet radio to drown the brain weasels and the scratching noise. It’s helping a little.

In the meantime, the nerves have flared up in my legs – I’m getting nerve pain down my inner thighs and tops of my legs all the way to my calves. Usually the pain only goes to my knees. The radiating nerve pain is another sign of george.

The Waiting Game (or, How Ovarian Cysts Mess With One’s Menstrual Cycle)

George is two days late. He was due Sunday. Because I always count the due date as Day 1, I’m going to say he’s actually three days late.

Last month, I was diagnosed with a .9cm chocolate cyst (endometrioma) on the right ovary.

A month before that, I was sure I’d had an ovarian cyst which ruptured.

Either that cyst did not rupture and continued to grow from March to April, and then from April to May, or I’ve developed a new ovarian cyst since April.

In either case, my reality is that I do have an ovarian cyst, which I can tell you about with my own authority and experience, and I can back it up with the ultrasound I had on April 21.

Before March 2010, the last ovarian cyst that I really felt and had complications with was in November/December, 2008. I suspected an ovarian cyst in October 2009, but I didn’t follow up on it in my journal, so I dunno if I had a cyst or not.

So my own authority and experience this time around matches up with my symptoms in November/December 2008 as well as my symptoms in March, 2010: during the current cycle, I was supposed to begin menstruating on Sunday, May 9, but george is nowhere to be seen. Instead, I began experiencing stabby right side ovarian pain on April 30, which has lasted to the present day.

Going back through my calender, I noted:

Monday, May 3 – left side ovarian pain started.

Tuesday, May 4, – sharp low uterine, upper vaginal pain – intermittent. Heavy fatigue throughout the day. Full uterine and ovarian (both sides) pain at a dull constant level throughout the day, rising to 4 at times on the pain scale. Took 400mg Ibuprofen at 8pm, took 400mg more at 9:30pm.

Wednesday, May 5 – Fatigue, achey, intermittent uterine pain

Thursday, May 6 – sharp pelvic pain – stabbing left ovarian, sharp intermittent low uterine pain. Uterine pain became constant by 2pm. Large hip circles earlier that morning to manage the pain were not successful.

Friday, May 7 – Constant low uterine cramps. Highly emotional all day, turning to high irritability by nightfall. Had food reaction – I suspect either the ‘smoked’ cheddar/mozz cheese or the marinara sauce on my gluten-free pizza.

Saturday, May 8 – Constant low grade uterine and ovarian pain. On ibu all day – consumed over 2,000mg. Still quite irritable.

Sunday, May 9 – George is a no-show. Moderate low back pain, on ibuprofen again but only took 800mg total and toughed out the pain. intermittent continued uterine and ovarian cramps.

Monday, May 10 – I didn’t record anything that day because I was out of the house running lots of errands after work til nearly bedtime to prepare for upcoming Michigan trip.

Tuesday (today) May 11 – Pinching/stabbing right side ovarian pain. Took 600mg ibu first thing in the morning, 600mg ibu around 2pm. Heavy fatigue all day. Mild to moderate intermittent uterine and right side only ovarian pain all day.

(side note: I’ve tried my gluten-free pizzas several times since May 7 and the only constant is the tomato sauce – all other ingredients have been changed up – so I bet my tomato allergy has caught up with me again after being dormant for years…just like my citrus allergy caught up with me again last October).

(another side note: I’ve only been to the gym twice this month, and I bicycled five times this month, with the last time being a week ago – May 4)

The ovarian pain, the low back pain, the fatigue – all of that is part of my usual pre-menstrual pain, but I also had vaginal pain and really tender/painful breasts and nipples this cycle, and THAT for me smacks of ovarian cyst.
Given that I knew I had a cyst in March, and a cyst was found via ultrasound in April, it’s pretty much confirmed for me that the reason why my period is late is that the cyst is still growing and causing problems.
I think the longest my period has been late during an ovarian cyst flare has been three days. So george should therefore be here by tonight or tomorrow.

Knowing that helps me not to freak out so much, cuz by last night I was freaking out in the most irrational ways:

  • OMG what did my acupuncturist do to me last Thursday – she did so good that not only do I not have massive pain, I am not bleeding at all!
  • OMG I’M PREGNANT!
  • OMG MY WEEKEND IN MICHIGAN IS RUINED – I’LL BE BLEEDING AND IN HORRIBLE PAIN ON THE PLANE AND IN MICHIGAN DURING THE PLANNED PARTIES AND CLUB NIGHTS!
  • OMG IS THIS WHAT ADENOMYOSIS DOES?
  • OMG I HAVE CANCER!
  • OMG I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!

 
I’m much calmer today after reading up on ovarian cysts again, and going back through my journal entries on my previous cysts. I’m falling more into acceptance with what is happening, and adopting the ‘This too shall pass’ mentality.
I’m still pissed off that my weekend plans are likely ruined, but the truth is that these things can easily be rescheduled before I fly back to California.

I’ve never flown on an airplane during a my period, and my period is ALWAYS a nightmare of pain, so this should be interesting. :(

Had to work today

Today was Saturday but I had to work, because it was the parent work hour day at the school I work for.

I was asked at the end of the day yesterday to help steer parents to do work on our outdoor classroom.
I said I’d see how my health was holding up.

I got up this morning and needed an hour and a half to make my body work, as opposed to the usual 45 minutes to an hour I do each day.

I popped 600mg of Ibuprofen and went off to work. I got four hours of manual labor in – hand washing shelf jobs, wiping down furniture, clearing away boxes and trays of stuff, and arranging things that could be washed into the middle of the ‘classroom’ to be hosed down with the high pressure water gun.

While at work, I popped 600mg more of Ibuprofen to stave the pain.

I got home and was wiped out, but was told we had a birthday party to go to. So I took a hot shower and then we went to the local diner for a late lunch. I about fell asleep before we got to the diner.

Being that I’m PMSing, I was craving red meat and milkshakes. Yes, I violated major food rules today, and paid for it half-way through my meal. My entire body felt like crap and I wanted to just throw up everything I’d eaten and ask for Thai food instead, heh.

We went off to our friend’s house for his birthday after we ate lunch, and spent the rest of the afternoon/evening there. While there, I popped 600mg more Ibuprofen for the pain.

I think I’m missing a dose in there somewhere. I’m pretty sure I’ve had a total of 2,000mg of Ibuprofen to get through today.
The pain has been the same – low uterine cramps with occasional right and/or left ovarian stabs.

While at our friend’s house, I had to stretch a few times, do large hip circles, and try to prevent my body from going into pill-bug stance. I was pretty unsuccessful. :(

The PMS has had me very irritable even today, but I kept myself totally in check while at work, and again while we were at our friend’s house. In-between, I let my husband know I was a grump due to PMS – that it wasn’t his fault for any of my grouching.

Ugh. I thought for sure I was going to start my period two days early, on Friday. Looks more now like I’ll be on time or late.

I just want this cycle to be over now, please.

Today is fired

I am very happy to have received a teacher appreciation award, a free luncheon, free desserts, and a gift certificate.

I am PMSing fiercely and needed 1,000mg Ibuprofen to get through the workday today. My lower back killed me all day. I had moderate low uterine cramps all day. I burst into tears at the sight of my teacher appreciation gift, startling those around me.

I could not eat the lunch except for the salad because it was all glutenous. I could not eat the desserts I wanted to eat because it was all glutenous, except for the flan and the ultra sugary meringues (well I’m not even supposed to have those cuz I can’t have eggs).

Several teachers and parents were perfumed with toxic chemicals which gave me sore throat, headache, sticky eyes, sudden extreme fatigue, irritability, and made me gag and sneeze a lot.

When I got home from work, there was nothing ready to eat. I hadn’t eaten any protein all day. My husband preferred grocery shopping to dining out so we went to the grocery, where I was assaulted with toxic fragrances from people in the aisles of the store. I became openly irritable and nearly broke down in tears. We got most of what we needed and got out of there. We tried to go to Walgreens to get my prescriptions for Tylenol 3 and Vanicream body lotion but I had to leave cuz a lady who stepped in line next to me (not behind me mind you but next to me) was heavily perfumed and I began choking.

I got home, we made ourselves dinner, we sat down and ate dinner.

And then I had a food reaction.

It started with a headache half-way through dinner.

After I was finished eating, I got up to rinse my plate and got dizzy. I made it to the sink and began washing my plate and I got dizzy again. And again. I slowly made my way to the bathroom and in the mirror I beheld a beet red face and a blotchy red neck and chest. That means food allergy.
My pulse was within normal range but my temperature was 99.7°F.

I took a children’s benadryl tablet (I can’t take adult dosage because I get anxiety/panic/palpitations).

Then I went and changed into my pajamas.

When I took my bra off, my upper chest screamed in pain because the boobs had dropped out of the bra, and the pressure/weight of the hanging breasts makes me want to scream. My nipples too make me want to scream, they’re so tender. This is day three of breast and nipple pain, but today the pain is the worst yet.

So uh, today is fired. I’m going to bed. Good night.

T-minus 6 days…

The pain began on Friday, April 30 and has been a thorn in my side ever since. It’s ovarian pain, and until today it was centered on the right side. Now it’s both sides. The pain has been intermittent and stabby for the past four days.

What really ticks me off is that for the past week, I had been trying to omit sugar from my diet again. I had gotten down to one small serving of something sugary per day, but this only lasted for four days before the PMS set in.

Once the PMS sets in, I am no longer in control of my body. Seriously, it’s like this giant alien bores into my skull and directs me to eat and drink as much junk food as possible.

I had been working out in the gym – I started going to the gym again on April 27 for the first time in 41 days. I went to the gym again on April 29, and I also biked to work that day. I took Friday off from the gym, but bicycled 10 miles around the island on Sunday with my friend. The weather has been sunny and warm, and so bicycling has been a priority for me again.

Despite all this exercise, the massive sugar cravings set in on Friday, April 30, AFTER the ovarian pain set in. I need to note that for myself, so I don’t go off on one of my guilt-ridden tirades against myself again, saying that eating this or that CAUSED the pain. It didn’t. I gave in to the sugar cravings by nightfall, and had three scoops of sugar in a giant mug of caffeinated tea.

Oh yeah – the caffeine cravings – those set in a day or two earlier than the sugar cravings did last week.

I spent the entire weekend drinking sweet coffee drinks – mocha being the drink of choice. I used my almond milk on one out of three occasions, instead of cow’s milk.

The worst offense possible to myself is when I willingly cracked open a can of Coca-Cola we still had in the house from a long-ago house party. I drank half of it, and savoured every moment of it, before forcing myself to dump the rest down the sink drain.

Today I even failed the sugar restriction at work. I was thirsty and had neglected to bring my water bottle with me, so one of the kids offered me a Capri Sun juice pack, which was left over from snack. It was wild cherry flavour, which thankfully no longer contains high fructose corn syrup. It has lots of juice concentrates and sugars, which are still bad for me.

When I got home from work, I gorged on the last bit of chocolate I could find in the house, and ate it with a bag of pop-chips.

I could be in denial about PMS with all the coffee I had drank this weekend. I could be in denial with the ovarian pain. I could be in denial about feeling like I’m out of breath even by simply bending forward to pick something up or walk more than half a block down the street.

But once I’m sitting there eating chocolate and salty potato chips together in the same mouthful, there’s no way I can remain in denial. Well, that and drinking the Coke yesterday…yeah. I’m fully aware that I’m severely premenstrual.

George is due no Sunday, May 9. He was a day late last month. At the rate I’m going this month, my bet is that he’ll be up to 3 days early.

That means I have to have my house in order and my meals laid out before Friday of this week.

I’d like to also note that the inner-thigh-based nerve inflammation pain has just started – right now.

I just looked up a list of inflammatory foods I should be avoiding. Of course, it’s stuff I already know I should be avoiding. ;)

Living With Rheumatoid Arthritis has an article on inflammatory foods.

The Conscious Life has an article on inflammatory foods.

Here is the rundown:

No Sugar

No Cooking Oil

No Trans Fats

No Dairy Products

No Feedlot-Raised Meat

No Red Meat

No Alcohol

No Refined Grains

No Artificial Food Additives

No Chemical Sugar Sweeteners

No Table Salt

No Nightshade Vegetables (egg plant, potatoes, tomatoes, peppers)

I just added the italicised no-nos to my No Fly List (since I already have the others on my list).

6:49pm Edit I am literally waddling. I feel like I weigh 250 lbs (113 kg). I am SO tired after doing one thing, such as putting the dishes away or wiping the counter down. I have to keep resting. I’m out of breath. My legs feel like lead. Ugh. :(