Preparing for downtime

Two nights ago, in the dead of the night, I awoke with a twinge of uterine pain. It was the first indication that george is on the way, and I felt apprehensive, like when someone you don’t like keeps coming around and you can’t figure out how to make them go away. I’d just had a very good bike ride hours earlier, and had been quite the busy bee cleaning house.
I thought, “Well there you have it – that was my nesting phase kicking in before the pain, trying to prepare the house for the arrival of george”.

Yesterday throughout the day I had annoying twinges of pain but kept on cleaning and also working on my business.
Today I was downright TIRED all day. Bushed. Beat. Rundown. I had to force myself to go on my bike ride, and I could only do six miles (four miles short of tying my ride on Sunday) before calling it quits. Granted, it was pretty windy today, too, but still. I felt disappointed in the fact that I’m so out of energy.

The other issue going on is that my man has been sick with a sinus infection since Saturday night, and today I woke up with a scratchy throat that’s not left me all day. While on my bike ride, my ears started feeling plugged up, and that hasn’t left me for the rest of the day, either.

By 8:30pm, I was falling asleep at the keyboard, though I still needed to get more work done. By 10:30pm I called it quits. I only got like five hours of work done today for the business. :(

Tomorrow is another day, a fresh start, I can only pick up where I left off and keep running with the torch until it dies out for another Downtime. But it still makes me sad and rushed, like I only have so much lifeforce left before this Saturday, when george is slated to arrive and start kicking me in the pelvis, shoving white hot knives through my uterus and lower back, dragging cleated shoes down my thighs, and shoving hot pokers up my ass.

Yeah, that’s what it feels like every month. You’d be apprehensive, too. Well, you’d be A LOT more than apprehensive, but then I’ve had this bastard in my body for 21 years, so I’ve had to learn to just TAKE his abuse. I used to vomit from the pain in the early days. I’ve grown somewhat tolerant of the pain over the years that I don’t puke anymore.

That doesn’t really help make things better, does it.

The other thing that sucks hard is that this Saturday is my friend’s wedding! And here I’m slated to be bedridden in horrible pain! I hope with ferocity that george is late. Personal note to george: Even a day late buddy, can ya do that for me, huh? You know, nobody invited you, you piece of shit.

I’m slated to bicycle again on Thursday, but as of this evening, my lower back is really bothering me. This is another sign that george is near. So I may be out of commission by Thursday. Not bedridden, but just not feeling well by then.

Today I laid out the days in which I can bicycle over the next month for a group of friends that have expressed interest in bicycling with me. When I sat back and actually looked at the calendar in depth, I realised that I only have anywhere from six to nine good days each month to bicycle, when spacing it out every other day. This both excited me and depressed me at the same time. I’m excited because it is yet one more tangible thing to view and strive for in my Uptime. I’m Depressed because that’s all I get, and healthy people get so much more time than I have to work with.

This is because I am so tired and have aches and pains within five days of george, that even doing housework such as dishes is enough to cause pain and/or wear me out. And then george arrives and from day one through day four of george, I’m pretty much bedridden. Actually, it’s more like Day 1 – Day 3 I’m bedridden. Day 4 I suddenly feel better and the bleeding subsides, so I do something like get out of bed and try to go to work, or walk to the corner and back, or get a load of laundry done, and then george comes back and kills me for another day and a half. Then he leaves again for another 27 days.
The week after george is all about getting back into my routine, withdrawing from the painkillers, getting my strength back.

So in visual format, using an example calendar below, let’s mark george in red, and mark the downtime on either side of george in purple:

 S  M Tu  W Th  F  S
 1  2  3  4  5  6  7
 8  9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30 31

That leaves me with roughly 15 days out of a month where I’m functioning well – my Uptime. I only ever have half a month, while healthy people get an entire month every month, except for on occasion when they get a cold or flu.

This is not all laid out here for you to feel sorry for me. It’s to put life in perspective, for myself as well as for yourself. Enjoy the time you have.

Tomorrow is another day before my impending Downtime. There is much work to be done this week with the fading strength I have. My stubborn nature serves me well during this time. I can do this.

And for my Downtime, I have the laptop my man bought, and books I am borrowing from the library to read up on dietary stuff to help manage the pain, and drugs. I have lots of drugs for the coming pain.